(Closed) Two family weddings

posted 9 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

That is tough.

 I wouldn’t do that to someone else, but some people have specific months they want to marry in and/or don’t want to wait.  I can see why it is frustrating. My sister and I are planning weddings a year apart and even then, it sometimes seems like the "our time" thing is overlooked, but it is also very joyful going through the planning together. She has two of our cousins getting married each within 3 months of hers, hers being the last and less than a month after one cousin. We come from a large family and it is inevitable that people will have weddings near each other.

 

Post # 4
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I went to two weddings that were a week apart once.  We were all friends.  So the first bride made the second wedding and vice versa.  I don’t think anyone had hard feelings.

Honestly, now that you mention it, if I was in your spot, I would probably be a bit upset, especially being in the family.  It doesn’t help that your FH heard her comment, either.  I could understand scheduling the wedding when she did if that was the month she always dreamed of having her wedding.  (Not sure if that was her thinking?) But it would have been nice for her to convey this in a kinder way.  Maybe talk to you first, hoping for permission. 

I can see why you feel it is your time.  Will some of her events encroach on yours?  Will people be discussing her upcoming wedding at yours and vice versa?

I can’t say that I’d expect everyone to go out of their way as much as your fiance did to avoid overshadowing his brother’s wedding.   But there could have been more consideration. 

But what can you do?  Maybe she’s being spacy and isn’t thinking it’s a big deal.  The only thing you can do is make sure your wedding is the better one. 

Post # 5
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I certainly understand how you feel… its like your "special time" has been invaded. However, I think its better that she is getting married AFTER you and not before. That makes it a little easier to deal with.

I know of a similar situation– someone I know (call her C) was getting married to D. D’s brother & gf decided to get married 2 months later.

 My advice is to be the bigger person, and just try to act like it doesn’t bother you. This girl is technically going to be your SIL and will be in your life forever. Whenever you go to family get togethers with your future hubby’s family, she will be there. So if you make a big deal about it, she will think you are jealous or being rude… which could turn into a bigger deal.

With my friend’s situation, C was actually really cool about it after she got over the initial shock. The D’s brother’s fiance was actually the psycho one, even though SHE was the one who picked the date AFTER C did. But in the end, D’s brother’s fiance is the one who just looked bad and got all caught up in it.

My friend C just held her head up high and had fun planning her own wedding & didn’t let it ruin anything for her.

You joked about joint showers, but that actually happened to my friend C. The boys were brothers, so their mom held a joint shower. C’s family didn’t live close by, so we held a second shower in her hometown. So technically that wasn’t her onl shower, which probably made it easier.

 Anyway, my point is that this has happened before, but YOU control your feelings. Don’t let her ruin one second of your wedding planning. She has already picked her date and you aren’t going to change her mind. But if YOU let it bother you, then you’re the only one who is missing out. Missing out on the fun parts of planning. Hold your head up high, enjoy it, and maybe some good will come out of it! GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Post # 6
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

That is a very tough situation to be in!  Don’t feel bad that you feel upset, you have every right to be!  You have been waiting for you special day to roll around for quite sometime and you don’t want someone to overshadow you and your future husband’s special day. 

My advice, take if you wish, to do what makes you feel better.  If you want to talk to her about it, then do, or even have your fiance talk to his brother about how you feel.  On another note, how does your fiance feel about his brother getting married so closely to you two?  Maybe he might have something to say about it as well.   When all is said and done, the only two people getting married that day, in your family’s life, is you and your future husband, and you will be happily married!!  Hope this gives you some insight and help from an outside source!

Good Luck with everything! 

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