Post # 16
Our 3mo old has a middle name, my last name as a second middle, and then my husband’s as her last. Having said that, I kept my maiden name.
my parents did the same with me; first name, middle, moms-name-as-second-middle, last. I don’t find it much of a pain!
Post # 17
- Wedding: August 2008 - Toronto, ON
I decided to hyphenate my last name after I got married and so after we had our son we also decided to hyphenate his last name. Yes he has 2 last names but it was important to me and my family. I don’t see any harm in it but it is ultimately up to you and your husband, not your dad. My dad also wanted my son to have his last name but I did it because I wanted to not because I felt like I had to.
Post # 18
Your child is the one who has to live with their last name for the rest of their life. Your child’s convenience should trump your father’s wishes in this case.
Imagine having to spell two last names rather than one every single time you give your name. Being asked constantly if your first last name is actually a second middle name, and if it’s hyphenated. Dealing with paperwork where someone drops one of your last names, not having it match your ID.
These may be minor issues, but they can be regular and ongoing. Your child is the one who would have to deal with this, but your father would not be affected at all.
I would not give the child a second last name, especially if you’re not keeping your maiden name.
Post # 19
I have my mom’s last name as my middle name. I like it.
Ultimately…and I mean this kindly, your kid won’t care probably- whatever configuration you pick will be what seems normal to them. Its up to you. If you’re happy with your name choices, then find a different way to honor your dad. if you don’t care and your husband doesn’t care, do a double last. I think hyphens are probably everyone’s least favorite option.
Post # 20
- Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club
I am Latina, before marriage, had a first middle and two last names. It was a pain ar first but loved it eventually as i got older because its part of the culture. Though when it came to legal documenta, it was a PAIN to write out. The amount of letters per name: 5, 6, 9, 6.
Again, pain. Knowing we wanted a kiddo, and we do now, I knew i only wanted a middle name for him. also because my husband’s last name is already long and also starts off with a few letters that will potentially cause him grief as he gets older, so why even add on to that (if you are wondering, Think about Batman’s sidekick Grayson’s first name).
Post # 21
My husband has a double barrelled surname. He is the 5th generation with this double barrel. I took his name when we married as I didn’t fancy a triple barrelled name. Both of our kids have ‘his’ surname.
i was never a fan of double surnames. In fact at 14 I declared I’d never have a double barrelled surname (oops) now I have one the negatives I’ve found are;
1) our kids can’t double barrel their name with a future spouse
2) everyone assumes we aren’t married
3) everyone assumes my maiden name is one of the current surnames
4) one of the surnames is also a common first name and people assume it’s a middle name
Post # 22
Personally, as someone whose parents were not together (ever), and having a constant different last name from my mother, I hated having a different last name from her. Especially when she remarried and I had a step-brother and everyone had the same last name but me. And, aside from my own children getting married some day, I would hate to have a different last name from my children while they were young.
For me, the name really helped bind me to my family. Given that you guys are not separated, it may make no difference to your children. But from my own personal experience I would rather have both my mother and father’s last names to tie us together as a family, than just have one or the other.
Post # 23
I grew up with two last names, as well as my first and middle. No cultural reason, my parents just didn’t want to hyphenate. It was a pain as all official documents had to have both last names, but for ease, I went by First/Last (Dad’s last). When your kid is at an age where they are making doctor’s appointments, they’ll have to cycle through every possible combination their records could be under. I might have kept my last name(s) when I got married if I’d really liked them, but my dad’s last name got me teased as a kid. I like my mom’s but couldn’t keep hers and get rid of dad’s, I have good relationships with both my parents and that would be unfair. So I decided to drop them both and take my husband’s.
Post # 24
You could have two middle names for them? That’s what I was gonna do until my husband decided to take my last name. So I was gonna have four names
Post # 25
- Wedding: November 2025 - City, State
I like the option of using your last name as a second middle name. So Thomas Patrick Mills Grover, where Grover is the legal surname. The next kid is Anne Margaret Mills Grover (Anne Grover in everyday life), etc…. But that’s only if you want to include “Mills” in their names. Your dad had his chance to name children.
Post # 26
I have two first names (hyphenated), two middle names, and one last name. My sister has one first name, two middle names, and two last names. Our long names have NEVER bothered us, in fact I love my name because it’s so long. It’s unique and makes me feel closer to my namesakes— two aunts and two great-grandmothers.
So, as somebody with a really long name and who has had to live with it for decades, I say adding another surname isn’t too much at all if that’s what you and your husband want. I don’t think you should do it just to please your dad, though— they’re your kids.
Post # 27
This was actually really helpful to read, thank you!
I definitely want my kid to have both our names to some extent, and wish I had my mother’s last name somewhere in my name as I’m closer to that side of the family and she had two brothers so all my cousins had this shared last name and identity and we were sort of left out. But I’ve been feeling like hyphenation would be a bit ungainly, and have wondered about doing two unhyphenated last names which would give the kid the option to socially just go by the second last name.
But your point about official documents and doctor’s offices is a good one, and I think an argument in favour of using my last name as a second middle name. My last name is only five letters and his is six, and I’m thinking about a four-letter first name and a 7-letter first middle name, so i think it would be a manageable number of characters. And if they ever become a famous author or something, they can always choose to use that second middle name in their pen name if they want!