(Closed) Two months out – Need some advice, bees. :(

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

*** hugs ***

It’s hard. As a bridesmaid, I can see her point of view in not always being around to help out. But as a friend, I think she is being ridiculous, and it would probably spare everyone if she would bow out. Could you talk to her from the frame of reference of asking how she’s managing with all the commitments and how busy she is with her new friends, like gently let her know you’d be OK with it if she bows out?

Post # 4
1765 posts
Buzzing bee


That really is lousy.  I’m sorry.  Do you want to give her an option out?  Then she could make the decision to let you know that maybe she doesn’t care to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore-so it wouldn’t be YOU telling her you don’t care for her to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Since she seems to have already moved on to another friend, and apparently can only be friends with one person, she may likely back out, if you give an opening to. –“You know, I’ve been noticing, you don’t seem to be all that interested . . .(and let her take it from there?  That may “save face”  for both of you??  Best of Luck, and Happy Wedding Day & Marriage!

Post # 6
43 posts
  • Wedding: November 2010

I know how you feel. Im sorry you’re dealing with that. When it comes down to it, you need to get rid of the people that you feel arent being helpful/supportive or even just THERE.  If they arent going to be there for you while planning the most important day of your life, they probably wont be there for you in the future. Bridesmaids are supposed to be the people that you know you can ALWAYS count on. Think about 10 years from now, looking back at your wedding pictures…do you want to look at them and think “i wish I didnt put her in my wedding”? Thats what I had to ask myself. Do what YOU want. This is YOUR day and if these girls are acting like that, they dont deserve to be a part of it. On that note, I know its really hard to just cut people out of your wedding, so I would suggest first asking if they REALLY want to be a part of your wedding or not. Kind of leave it up to them. Say something like “it seems like you’re not really into helping me with all the wedding plans, and if you have other commitments and cant handle this, you need to let me know”. That way they can make the decision and if they decide to stay in the bridal party, at least they’ll know that you expect more out of them. Good luck!

ps: why are bridesmaids so difficult?!?

Post # 8
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m going to word this very carefully, because I don’t want to offend anyone, but I wonder if you are being entirely fair here.


First off, you say you suspect she is the type of person who can only have one friend, yet you mention different group outings several times in your post, which would clearly dispel that theory. Also, was she friendly with your other bridesmaid before all this started? If not, than I don’t think she’s so much avoiding your friend as she just never picked your friend as someone to associate with in the first place. If you were all friends, that would again go against your theory she can only be friends with one person at a time. It sounds like mostly she is avoiding you, and anything to do with your wedding. I have to ask, have you maybe, in your excitement about your wedding, talked about it so much that she doesn’t want to be around you? Have you made sure to show an active interest in her life? I don’t know you and don’t know your situation at all, but you certainly wouldn’t be the first bride to talk about the wedding so much and wonder why none of her friends want to hang out with her. If this is not the case, then nevermind.


Second, bridesmaids “jobs” are to buy the dress and stand up with you at your wedding, as well as attend the rehearsal. I have not asked any of my bridesmaids to help me with any tasks. Bridesmaids aren’t sources of unpaid labor. If she, as your close friend, saw that you were getting very stressed out and wanted to step in to assist you, that would be very nice, but I really don’t think you can send out emails to people demanding help. Also, it is a two way street. When this friend of yours was getting stressed about her child or other issues, were you there to jump in and lend a hand? If you have, then disregard this paragraph.


Anyways, since you asked for advice, mine would be to honestly look at yourself and see if you’ve done anything to contribute to her pulling away. If you really haven’t, then I guess you need to ask her if she’s really up to being in your wedding, and give her a chance to bow out.

Post # 9
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Honestly, you have to talk to her. If you don’t, this is going to blow up at some point… probably an inopportune time. Either there is something wrong and she’s upset/offended/whatever OR she’s just immature.

If you don’t see yourself being friends in 5, 10 or 15 years then you should really ask her to step down. You don’t want to have to deal with her antics on your wedding day. 

If she’s mad – who cares. She’s not acting like a friend. 


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