Post # 1
My husband and I do not have any kids yet (TTC very soon!), but we’re suddenly having a disagreement.
We’ve discussed children plenty, all through our almost 5 year long relationship. The plan has always been to have 2 children. Well suddenly, now that we’re almost TTC, my husband REALLY wants 3 and I am just not sure how I feel about it. I told him “Why don’t we have the two and then see?” but he now absolutely doesn’t want just two children anymore, he is set on three.
I grew up in a family of three children. I am the oldest, but also the biggest push over, lol. I always ended up getting the short end of the stick and felt like my parents loved and cared for my two sisters more than me. It didn’t help that one of my sisters is troubled (borderline personality disorder), and obviously always needed more care than I needed. On one hand I feel like my upbringing has made me much more self-reliant, but I really hated feeling like the least important kid growing up.
I guess I am just paranoid that if I have three kids I won’t be able to make them all feel loved equally, that one will always feel (whether justifiably or not) less cared for than the other two. Like I felt growing up.
Financially, I’m not worried about it at all. Taking care of 3 young kids would be a little harder than taking care of just 2, but I think we could handle that.
My husband says that he wants a big family, and that obviously the more kids you have the bigger a family you’ll probably have. He hopes that by having 3 kids, he ups the odds of having a larger, closer family when we’re older. He also grew up in a family of three children (he was the youngest) and says that he never felt like his parents struggled to be impartial with their children like my parents did.
What do you all think? What is the “ideal” number of children? Is having 3 kids that different from having 2? What was your experience growing up in a 3 child family?
Post # 3
Darling Husband and I would like to have 2 children, but are open to 3. I am currently pregnant with our first so we will see how it goes!
We are both one of 3 children. I am the middle child of all girls, and Darling Husband is the oldest and only boy and has 2 younger sisters.
My parents really didn’t want me to get middle child syndrome and my sisters joke that they overcompensated with me, but in all honestly we were all treated the same.
DH’s parents were a lot harder on him, but I think it stems from the fact that he was the only boy, rather than him being the oldest child.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t even discuss it yet because until you actually *have * a child and take care of him/her you can’t possibly know what it is like. Months of sleepless nights, colic, crankiness etc may cool your husband’s desire for three kids
Post # 5
SO and I talked about it. I WANT 2, but if we had 2 boys or 2 girls, we would try a third time.
Post # 6
We’re set on “two, with the option for 3” 🙂 As we are 31 and 33 (closer to 32 and 34), we will have 2 and see how we go.
I’m the oldest of 3, he’s the youngest of 2. I do think the middle boy in my family did have middle child syndrome, and is kind of a jerk sometimes about it. However, I also see the joy my larger family has and hope my Darling Husband and I can acheive the joy, love, and sense of welcome my family always had, whether or not we have 2 or 3.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I want three.
Honestly, even though you’re saying “we’ll have two and see” you’re going to be able to make the decision before each pregnancy.
I don’t think it should be a problem in terms of showing favoritism, I know plenty of children from a family of 3 who all feel equally loved. Also, I know a lot of people who are one of two who felt a lot of favoritism. It’s more about the parents than about the number of children
Post # 8
I’m from a family with 4 kids (was 3 for a long time, got the second little sister when I was 10 and I adore her) and I do not have a big, close, family. I don’t see my mother or brother anymore ever, and my father and sisters rarely. The rest of them don’t speak either. The sister until 18 still lives with just my mom and never sees our dad. My other sister sometimes visits my dad but not often. I was the second child and I definitely feel like I was “ignored” or loved less, but it suits me. I feel like it made me less tolerant of other people’s BS. Like you, I am a bit of a push over and just okay with being passed over or neglected. I am much happier being on my own, just with my husband. I don’t like dealing with all of their tempermental personalities or being a target for their abuse.
We want a family but are going to start with one and see where it goes. I think two might be our ideal number. My Darling Husband is from a family with two kids.
Basically, if you can honestly say that you and your Darling Husband are not dysfunctional (you seem a-okay to me) then bigger might be better. I am really jealous of smaller, happy families, personally.
Post # 9
My Darling Husband would like two and I would like three, but he’s open to three depending on the order and the genders we get. I have a younger sister and an older half brother and Darling Husband is an only child.
Post # 10
Girl, my guy is the same way.
He wants a litter! And yes, those are his words. A litter. He loves him some babies. He originally wanted FIVE. I, on the other hand, have always just wanted 2: a boy and a girl.
We had agreed that 2 is fine, but now that our wedding day is getting closer, he wants 3. We’re not TTC yet, but we’ll see what happens. I just think it’s interesting. My mom told me that when her and my dad were newlyweds, my dad wanted 4 children (he had NINE sisters; he was the only boy!) but then when he realized how expensive babies are, he settled for 2! Haha.
Post # 11
We plan to have two, and then see. We both grew up in familes of two, and have a sister each. I really value that same gender sibling relationship, and Darling Husband really wants at least one boy. So, pretty much the the only scenario where we’d probably call it a day for SURE is two boys.
Post # 12
We’d like 2, threewid we can afford it. We are from two continents, and want to be able to spend time in both.
Post # 13
We’ve agreed to start with one and go from there. We want 2, but I say let’s see how the first one goes. I think three would be nice though. I have two younger sisters, but they are a lot younger than me, so I grew up as on only child for quite a while. We are a close family, but I don’t think that a bigger family necessariy means closer.
Post # 14
@doberman: this. have one first and then decide lol
Post # 15
As of now, we both want 2-3. Two if we have one boy and one girl, but if we end up with two girls or two boys, we’ll try for a third and stop there 🙂
Post # 16
God willing, you’ll have as many or as few as you want. Putting that much pressure on yourselves is just silly in my opinion. Having children is not quite the same thing as deciiding you want a 3-bedroom or 4-bedroom house….what happens is what happens. Sometimes you luck out and everything goes according to plan, but often it doesn’t and having a pre-set number in mind can just screw with your head.