(Closed) two weddings

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2122 posts
Buzzing bee

Personally I’d rather have my wedding a year later with my friends who love me. Why the rush? 

Post # 3
Hostess
9080 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
newbee2000:  Hmmm that is a tough one, you of course need to do what makes you happy but I would be inclined to wait another year. That being said, 2 year engagements seem to be pretty standard here in the UK. Is there a reason for the rush?

Post # 5
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
newbee2000:  I am with you… I am 30 and don’t want to delay marriage. This is a tough one, but ultimately your marriage is about you and your Fiance.

Post # 7
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think you have made a mistake and you can’t put your life on hold on hold for a year (starting a family) for your friends.  Good friends should not be guilting you into having your wedding when it is convenient for them.

Post # 8
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn

I think you should have your wedding the way you originally planned. Youre friends will get over it. You can’t put your life on hold to appease your friends.

Post # 9
Member
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Can you do something in the middle, maybe push it 4-6mons? I think it would be nice if your Fiance could have some of his friends attend, but ultimately it’s up to you.

Post # 10
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

Let me see … You’re Canadian, and all your Australian friends are, well, Australian.

Which means you are trying to be thoughtful, and sensitive to their feelings, and aware of what they may be leaving unsaid. That’s good manners in Canada. And they are saying whatever dances across the surface of their minds, because in Australia it’s good manners to be overt and transparent.

So the next time someone says “You dag, why din’cha plan your wedding for a year later so I could take a trip to Canada” answer back “Yeah, right, ya whingeing bogan, like I’m going to put my life on hold so you can plan your holidays.”

 

Post # 11
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I completely understand where you’re coming from.  When you meet the one you love, and you’re ready, why wait?  Especially if it’s months or a year just to please friends?

I’m all for pleasing people.  But sometimes you can’t please everyone.  This isn’t about them, it’s about y’all.  How is this any different than them asking if you could serve a different type of food because they don’t like your menu?  You wouldn’t ask that. 

I get wanting to share in your happiness.  I do. But in the end, it’s not about them, it’s about YOU.  Get married and start having a family.  You’ve waited long enough – why wait any longer?  They’ll get over it eventually (it’s not a personal insult) and if they don’t, they weren’t very good friends to begin with.

Post # 12
Member
6949 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

It’s no problem.  Your friends can be disappointed, but we 30+ have to move fast!  I planned my wedding in 6 months since I was almost 34 when we got engaged.  I’m already scared about having kids  (hopefully soon) because of my age – I say do exactly what you have planned and they’ll live.  It’s certainly not rude/inappropriate of you.

Post # 13
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

Speaking as an Australian, with friends in places as far away as Canada, I would be upset as your friends are in this situation. The friends overseas are getting close to engagement/marriage and I’m saving up in anticipation of celebrating their big day with them in person. I would feel excluded and a bit offended at you not being able to push it back by a few months to include them. Having a party in Australia after the real one would feel like a constalation prize. But that’s my non Bogan $00.02  

Post # 14
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
beemyhandsome:  They’re asking for a year, not a few months.

Post # 15
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

“Just put your wedding off for a while” seems to be common planning advice. Can’t afford an open bar? — well, put your wedding off to save up. Is a more convenient venue booked (or under construction!)? — just put your wedding off until it’s built. Do your friends have prior commitments or financial constraints for the next year or two? — just put your wedding off until it’s convenient for them.

Yet at the same time, common planning advice is that the “real” (meaning legal) wedding is a hugely significant life-factor, not in anyway to be equated to a mere “celebration of marriage” or so-called “pretty-princess day”. Well, what is it that makes it so significant? If it’s not just the big party, is it — just perhaps — that it is the gateway to a new stage of life, a new family, a new home, a beginning of a marital future? Now, I get it that for most couples their real “commitment moment” is when they move their things into the same apartment and have to divest of a whole bunch of duplicate books and appliances, and that they are already have an active coital relationship and may even have children before they decide to “marry”. And I can understand that for those couples a wedding doesn’t really create a big life-change and the advice to “just wait until next year” comes easily to their lips. What I don’t understand, in their cases, is just what the super-duper importance of a “real” wedding is: they are already living the married life for all practical (and social) purposes, and the great big party is really the only thing that is going to be particularly memorable about that date — for them, or for their social group.

But I also realize that a significant number of couples — statistically, about a third according to my research, which I think is astonishingly high! —  do not move in together and create their new home until they ARE married. And I think it is rather presumptuous to suggest “oh, just go on waiting for the intimacy, permanence, and mutual reliance of marriage; it’s not like those are important compared to providing us with an open bar, or a more convenient date, or a more commodious venue.” To the degree that weddings actually do create a new marital reality for the couple, and to the degree that that marital reality actually does make a difference, the wedding is not only SIGNIFICANT for the couple but also highly desirable according to the couple’s own timeframe. A perfectly acceptable answer to “why not just wait longer” is for the couple to say “we have waited long enough already.”

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