(Closed) Two weddings in one week…am I wrong to be upset

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would be crushed if someone in my family did this!  For me it would cause some of my family to choose between the weddings and that would be very upsetting.  I’m so sorry!

Post # 18
Member
497 posts
Helper bee

I would be annoyed with the situation, but not the person.  I am sure there were just as many things going into the date choosing for them as there was for you; cost, convenience, etc.

It’s the same thing as if your sister all of the sudden says she’s pregnant and due the day before your wedding…not ideal timing, and sure, a disappointing situation…but you really can’t be ANGRY with her because in the end, what really matters is health.

Post # 19
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My Fiance and I set our date for 09-05-09 and my cousin set his for 08-29-09 a couple of months after we told them ours.  Then my other cosin got engaged this February and now has set her date on 09-12-09.  I’m with you on the whole upset part. 

Post # 20
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m a little confused about how his wedding being 5 days before yours is causing a financial burden for your guests.  Even if his wedding was a month after yours, guests would still be spending the same combined amount of money on both weddings so what difference does it make that the weddings are 5 days apart?  My cousin is getting married 7 days before me and he lives 3000 miles away.  Nothing is stopping guests from attending both of our weddings and if they can afford it, they will.  As far as I’m concerned, as long as the wedding is not the same weekend as your wedding, it shouldn’t be a problem. 

Post # 21
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I probably would be  annoyed, but there are so many factors involved in picking a wedding date, cost being a major one-and unfortunatly our weddings don’t revlove around everyone else. Plus your guests have known about your wedding for a long time so I don’t see how your cousin’s wedding will have a negative affect on them attending yours.  We don’t own our wedding day, or wedding month, or wedding year, and every other couple has exactly the same right that we have to pick a time that is suitable for them. I know it’s upsetting, and I can empathize, but it mostl likely has nothing to do with you so just keep telling yourself that.

 

Post # 22
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Really guys? Two weddings in one month wouldn’t be a little overwhelming for you? Hopefully since they’ve known about yours for a while, OP, they’ll have saved up the appropriate amount of money to attend your wedding and having a more last-minute wedding like this (your cousin’s) thrown into the mix wouldn’t ruin anything for anyone. But I know if I found out I had to attend two weddings in less than a week, I’d be a little stressed. Stressed to find the funds to attend both – even a wedding in the same state might mean travel and lodging expenses, babysitters, a gift, etc., plus all the same expenses again (plus quite a bit more for travel) just a few days later.

Not to mention the potential problem of having to take off additional time from work. If I’m going to Florida for a Saturday wedding, I’m taking off Friday to attend, with a Sunday wedding the weekend before, which, depending on if it’s an evening wedding, I might have to take off Monday. The cousin and his new wife will likely not be able to attend the OP’s wedding if they’re on a honeymoon and his immediate family might be completely worn out from the wedding they just threw, so they might not attend the OP’s wedding either. She can’t attend his wedding because her’s is the following weekend, and I’m guessing her immediate family won’t be able to fly to New York five days before her wedding because they’ll be doing last-minute planning.

And I don’t know about you guys, but when I attend a wedding, it takes a lot out of me. I don’t like to just pop in to say congrats to the couple and then get out of there. A wedding weekend is full of activities and little sleep for me and the thought of doing it two weekends in a row is a little daunting. If they were both family, I’d attend both, but I wouldn’t enjoy myself as much.

OP, this is a crappy situation your cousin put you in, and he was being inconsiderate. The best you can do is assume he didn’t do it intentionally and he has really, really good reasons for going with that date. Let it go and know that those who matter will make it to both weddings. It’s nice that you’re considering the problems this will create for your guests, but since you can’t change the situation, hopefully you can make the best of it. Maybe you can even incorporate something extra into your wedding weekend to help de-stress the guests who are going to a wedding the second weekend in a row.

Post # 23
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

Ditto to Flamingred’s comment.

Post # 24
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think I’d be annoyed.  I put quite a bit of effort into scheduling my wedding at a time when it wouldn’t interfere with someone elses.  There really isn’t anything you can do at this point, so don’t sweat it, although you might want to get your invites out a little earlier.

Post # 25
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I would be annoyed.  I mean, I understand the people who are like, "just get over it," but this isn’t some mutual friend you think is copying you.  This is your family, and they are stealing your thunder and possibly your guests!  And if your family can’t afford to go to two weddings in a week, they’ll pick the more local one – and that is incredibly frustrating! 

I think if they are set on the date, all you can do is try your best to get over your hurt feelings, because they cleraly don’t realize it’s a problem.  It’s okay to be upset, but it’s not okay to suddenly stop speaking to your cousin over it.  

Did they pick the date because of the availability of the place they booked?  Because then they really can’t control it, and the best you can do is say, at least its not the same weekend….

 

Post # 26
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My fiance and I are doing this to his sister… and we feel terrible!  This is how it happened… He asked me to marry him one morning over breakfast without having bought the ring yet!  He meant it… and we happily began planning, but did not tell his family, because they are very traditional.  Meanwhile he spent a few months saving a little extra dough, had the ring made by a designer and planned a "proper proposal".  We had already booked our date of June 19th, at a dream location, and put down a non-refundable $3,000 deposit, when his sister announced that she was engaged.  They quickly announced that the date would be June 25.

 

My guy just proposed yesterday and we are telling his family today…. but I will forever be the bride that stole the thunder I think!  We are not going to change our date… but we are obviously going to postpone the honeymoon!  I know his sisters and mother might be upset and will think that I am bridezilla!  I love them all dearly and I want nothing more than happiness for his sister.  Sorry you are also having that experience… It might not be meant to hurt you.

Post # 27
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

poor mishmangold! maybe you can take his sister aside and explain to her what REALLY happened (or let her send her invited out before yours if there will be a lot of OOT’ers.

honestly I think it’s different with family. I do see it as a financial burden , along with the stress of travel costs , most family members DO give gifts. megalla didn’t say she was "angry" or "livid" , but I think being upset is entirely ok. One of my good friends had he wedding the week after mine we did discus date options because it WAS a financial burden on our mutual friends. even if they are spending the same amount IF they go to both if they are 2 weeks or 2 months apart , we did have some friends who could not go to both . while there is nothing you can do to have him change the date , I do think you have the right to feel upset .

Post # 28
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Totally inappropriate – you have a right to be angry but don’t let it consume you and ruin your own wedding.  I agree with others – if people had been planning to attend your wedding than given his is local, it shouldn’t change their plans.  Good luck! — And I felt guilty planning a wedding 3 weeks after a new co-worker/friend even though our guests lists don’t overlap (other than each other)!

Post # 29
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Wow – so much negativity – What everyone needs to remember that planning your OWN wedding is so personal to you.  But, everyone else has their own lives to lead.  i don’t buy into anyone stealing anyone else’s thunder. 

Post # 30
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’d be pissed but what’s done is done. I don’t think that moving the date is possible at this point so you should put that behind you.

Have you talked to any of the mutual guests? How much of a percentage is it of the total guests? I would be sure to send out ur invites early and get the RSVPs in since there is a large margin of who may or may not come because of this. On the bright side maybe this will weed out some of the family guests you invited cuz they are family and you can have more friends there 😉

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