(Closed) two weddings in the family within a month of each other

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: are two weddings within a month of each other fair to the bride that planned first?
    Second bride should change her date : (11 votes)
    30 %
    This will take away the first brides day to shine : (4 votes)
    11 %
    The parents of the bride and groom who planned first are cheated out of their special day also : (3 votes)
    8 %
    it is not fair to compare brides when the weddings are so close together : (19 votes)
    51 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    513 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    What is the relation between the two family members? 1st cousins? siblings? step-siblings?

    Post # 4
    Member
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Like Sparkles, I think more details are needed, like she said what is the relation and also how far apart?  first weekend and last weekend of the same month I would say is not that big of a deal.  back to back weekends may be a bit much …

    Post # 6
    Member
    2022 posts
    Buzzing bee

    When I first read it I thought the brides were sisters.  If it is just the groom’s cousin, it doesn’t smack of rudeness to me.  It may be a little hectic, but I don’t think it is terrible.

    Post # 7
    Member
    513 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I don’t think yor poll is really reflective of the important part in this which is a marriage. It isn’t about who is stealing who’s thunder or taking away an opportunity for a bride to ‘shine’.

    So, No. Not at all. I think it is a petty way to look at this situation.

    People have lives, and they have other priorities- the two who are related have to also worry about their significant others family members. And what if there is a scheduling conflict for whatever reason from the other family end? 

    While I do not know much, and this is just my opinion. The family just needs to respectively deal with the fact that they have two family members they both love and support. And they should remember there is a union being celebrated between not just two families- but four! (If I counted right… ok maybe three? The cousins, the two respective spouses…) Who ever wants to go and can go will go. It shouldn’t be about- ‘well so-and-so grandma is coming to my wedding not yours’ The point is they need to remember to show the love. And compromise.

    There is only so much one can do. Such. is. Life.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2680 posts
    Sugar bee

    If they were sisters or Future Sister-In-Law I would think its a bit inconsiderate.  Since they are cousins I think its a different story and dont think the second bride did it intentionally.  It will probably mean some people cant go to both weddings because of the finances but thats what happens.

    Post # 9
    Member
    117 posts
    Blushing bee

    Honestly, I think you have your mind made up and are just asking for people to agree with you.  Where is the poll option for "the situation is really not a big deal and everyone needs to put things in perspective".

     The only way that I think a wedding in the same month is a big deal is if any of the brides/grooms are siblings.

    Post # 10
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee

    As Sex and the City said "you get a day, not a week, not a month" for your wedding. As long as the showers are scheduled for different weekends, it should not be a big inconvenience for the overlapping relatives. Personally, I would not move my wedding to a different month just because of the feelings of my cousin’s fiance. I can see not holding it the same weekend, but surely a gap of one month is sufficient???!?!

    Post # 11
    Member
    513 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Sakaro- great point. You can never go wrong with that point from Sex and the City. ;o)

    Post # 12
    Member
    2434 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    I would be pissed off if my cousin or one of my husband’s cousins chose a date in the same month as mine (especially if they knew my date before they chose their’s and didn’t have an extenuating circumstance). 

    But I wouldn’t cause a stink about it.  As long as everyone coordinates the showers and stuff it shouldn’t be more than a busy month for the family.

    Post # 13
    Member
    195 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    Sakoro makes a great point.  Its a day not a month and yes things are hectic.  My sister and I are planning our weddings at the same time, 6 months apart of course, but that is completely different.  Your situation wouldn’t be like mine if I put my wedding two weeks after my sisters wedding. 

    Your family may be having to spend money, but would they not have spent that money anyway if the weddings were 4 months apart?

    Each day will still be special for each bride, and each day will be about that couple coming together in marriage, not about the others wedding.  I think everything will be alright.  Yes they are cousins, but it’s not that they are immediate family.

    Post # 14
    Member
    456 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I didn’t vote, the options don’t make a lot of sense to me? I need a "not a big deal" option. The only concern I can see being somewhat valid is the cost, especially if both are having DW’s or anything. I would have trouble coming up with the money for 2 wedding presents in a month. Of course, it’s actually bad etiquette to bring the gift to the wedding, so I could give them their gifts at any point before the wedding so actually I’ll go with the money concern’s only valid if people are having to travel.

    There are too many factors that go into picking a wedding date to judge this. But in the end, I’d say the *only* reason I’d condemn bride #2 is if she did it out of spite. Then yeah, she’s wrong. Otherwise… who cares?

    Post # 15
    Member
    2640 posts
    Sugar bee

    Quoted, I have a few questions if you feel like answering.  Obviously you are somewhere in this family that is involed with the cousin and the groom. 

    Why do they have to choose between showers and weddings?  Are the events planned for the same day?  If so, I do think it’s inappropriate for the second wedding to have been scheduled then.  Is one of them a destination wedding?  Is the cousin’s wedding coming before the first wedding?

    I know you said that money seems to be an issue.  Can the family somehow come to an agreement that they’ll go in together on gifts? (That way they save money.)  Could they just say no to the showers and go to both weddings?  Or just spend a little less on each?  Could the groom’s parents and the cousin’s praents make an agreement that they will buy a wedding gift to their own children but not each other’s?  Or vice versa, since they could say throwing money into their own child’s wedding could be considered a gift?

    How does the groom feel about the cousin planning her wedding around his?  Are they close?  If he isn’t too concerned, I don’t think the bride should be either. afterall it seems to be affecting his side of the family, not hers.

    Tell us about this cousin.  Is the frustration coming from the cousin having a history of being a brat?  Or is this just an out of the blue thing?  I’m not sure when the first wedding is, but like the first bride, the "cousin" bride probably has a vision of how her wedding will be.  And that probably also didn’t include "sharing" calendar space with someone else.  Maybe she really wanted to get married at a certain time of year, and didn’t want to wait an entire year, just to please her cousin’s Fiance.  Maybe she has other life plans that make it likely she planned her wedding when she did (military deployment, move, school.)

    I can understand a little frustration.  Time that would be spent beaming over the first couple’s wedding will now be split.  Or as you’ve indicated a big stressor due to expense.   But unfortunately, the bride doesn’t own the calendar space.   I agree with what the previous posters are saying (without having more detailed information.)

    Post # 16
    Member
    247 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    I would not sweat it!

    My one best friend is getting married the day after me.  She chose the day long after mine was chosen.  I couldn’t be happier!  You know I will be there.  There are several of our friends that will be attending both weddings, but no one seems to mind.  What is even crazier is that her sister is a bridesmaid in my wedding and the Maid/Matron of Honor in hers!!  We all can’t wait to celebrate two weddings! 

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