Two weddings within one month. FML.

posted 2 weeks ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
684 posts
Busy bee

As far as the money goes, it would’ve had to be spent eventually.  If it was one wedding this year and one next year, it’s still $2000 between both weddings.  The PTO is a slightly different story, but you could look at it as one fewer vacation this year (to account for both weddings) instead of one slightly shorter vacation each for this year and next year.  Or, just try to change your schedule to have more days off, if you’re in a flexible workplace (I know the one you were complaining about, with horrendous COVID practices, wasn’t particularly so).

Post # 4
Member
14017 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I realize things are opening up and maybe I’d reevaluate by the fall if things are still improving, but fully vaccinated or not, I would not be inclined to fly or attend a traditional, maskless indoor wedding with many guests of unknown habits and vaccine status right now. And that’s even without it being a huge budget buster. 

I certainly would not agree to attend both if it puts you in in the position of going through your savings. That is in no way reasonable. Or I’d consider staying  home from the wedding of the friend and/or the cousin-in-law could stay home for the cousin’s, and save one or two round trip plane fares. 

Post # 5
Member
473 posts
Helper bee

Honestly if they are two weeks apart and both ‘across the country’, I would take off 2 weeks and just take one long trip. How far apart are the two weddings from each other? I’d take the time in between to be a tourist or relax. No way would I want to fly across the country and back twice in one month.  

That honestly may work out to your advantage that they are so close together. Two weeks is close enough to take the entire time off (if you can) or work remotely at location in between. If they were say, 1 month apart, then you couldn’t as easily just stay on that side of the country. 

Post # 6
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I agree with PP about taking the 2 wks off together and just making a long trip out of them…. maybe fly in a couple days early for each wedding and do some exploring, unfortunately with the pandemic people are having to book whatever they can for weddings, I expect to see lots of overlap 

Post # 7
Member
14017 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Also, while I know many people are conveniently oblivious or uninformed about this, bridal party accomodations are actually supposed to be provided or paid for by the couple or hosts.

I think it’s  fair for your H to tell these grooms that he is under financial pressure, and ask if there’s anyone in the area you might be able to stay with. If not, the proper thing for them to do is cover the cost. Maybe they will take the hint. 

Post # 8
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

Unpopular opinion:   I must be the only person on earth who thinks that if you ask someone who lives across the country to be your best man/maid of honor, or otherwise in your wedding party, and the trip is going to cost hundreds or thousands of dollars, then the kind and proper thing to do would be to pay all of the person’s travel expenses.  I cannot imagine in my wildest dreams putting someone I love in the position of being expected to put out big bucks that she doesn’t really have to spare, to be at my wedding.  Okay I’m done.

Post # 9
Member
14017 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
@msuttman8:  Accomodations are traditionally covered, and I really wish more couples would remember that obligation, especially considering the over the top expenses many in the bridal party falsely believe are expected these days.

But flights etc. are more a function of being able to budget for a cross country trip, time off work etc. at all. There is never any obligation to attend a wedding you can’t afford to attend no matter who it is or how much you might otherwise want to be there. 

Post # 10
Member
5339 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes, I feel for you, that’s a lot of money in a short amount of time – friendship sometimes has a price. But I’m glad your workplace atmosphere has improved. 

Post # 11
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

Let me tell you about my brother’s wedding and my partner’s sister’s wedding. They are the day after each other on Labor Day Weekend in a very expensive area, where we are both in the wedding party. We have been fully pressured due to COVID keeping us away so long to fly for showers, bachelorette/bachelor parties and the wedding, as well as rent multiple homes for families who are pissed their child isn’t the center of attention for a “wedding weekend” (sigh). I completely empathize with you, but I also wish your situation was mine versus this total expensive chaos we are trapped in all summer as the older, responsible siblings. 

Post # 12
Member
44 posts
Newbee

View original reply
@missmollybee:  totally feel you on this. I was in four weddings (one being my sister) in one year and attended ten other weddings in that same time period (so add in all the bridal showers and Bach parties too). My college roommate’s wedding was the weekend before my sister’s also. And I had to travel for every single afore mentioned wedding. At the time, it was a huge financial strain but I wouldn’t have missed any of it for anything!

Post # 13
Member
6106 posts
Bee Keeper

If you truly can’t afford it though you’ll have to say no to one of them right? 

Also that idea of turning it into 2 weeks to go to both isn’t a bad idea.  Maybe that could cut the flight cost in half!  

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