Two weddings within one month. FML.

posted 2 weeks ago in Guests
Post # 16
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

I think it’s really important to remember that an invitation is not a summons. It’s wonderful to be invited to a loved one’s wedding, but it’s always okay to say no. You don’t need an excuse or a reason! Just because your husband is the best man in these weddings doesn’t mean you also need to attend. Maybe you could stay home and enjoy some personal time.

Unless the person getting married is someone I’m very close to, like a best friend or a family member, I generally don’t use my PTO to attend weddings. I want to use my time off to do what I want to do! I’ve definitely declined wedding invitations for no other reason than I simply don’t want to go. If you do want to go to these weddings, that’s great! But don’t put so much pressure on yourself to attend if it’s not convenient for you. 

Post # 18
14017 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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@missmollybee:  Do you have emergency savings and are you on track financially? Whatever you do, don’t consider putting yourself at risk. Again, money in hand does not necessarily mean you can “afford” to attend or that both of you can.

When my children were young there were several weddings H attended on his own, either because they were too young to travel or children weren’t invited. I would have loved to have been there but it just wasn’t practical. At least that would save you the plane fare. 

Post # 19
10526 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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l don’t think anyone is saying he shouldn’t go, only that you don’t have to accompany him. Yes it would be nice if it could be done easily, but not at damaging financial cost. Not to mention travel dangers right now. 

lf it were us, l would either have h go alone, or choose the one most important for us both to attend . Hope it works out op. 

  • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by elderberry.
Post # 21
14017 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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@missmollybee:  Glad to hear it won’t put you in debt or financial hardship. In that case, it’s a judgment call. Reality is these wedding dates were just announced on top of one another and they are across a whole country. 

To your point that it would be really rude not to go because they went to your wedding that is simply not true. Attendance, invitations etc. are not a quid pro quo. Circumstances change, conflicts arise, and not every wedding is as accessible in terms of location, timing, or the budget required to attend. In your place, I’d still consider a good compromise to be sending your H. In no way would that be the least bit inconsiderate. 

Post # 22
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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@missmollybee:  I totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s not about whether or not you can afford it, but more about “I just don’t wannnnaaa”. I am the exact same. I lived on the other side of the country (in Australia) for 8 years – all my husband’s family is over there. Now we live West, anytime there’s a wedding or big event we have to fly back. And every time I complain about it, lol. 

Like Christmas this year – we’re due to spend it with his family….we won’t even be paying for the flight fares – only the taxes – because we have so many frequent flyer points thanks to Covid preventing us from using them. But it’s like “geeez do we have to spend the $200 to get there?”. Yes we do. And it has no bearings on our savings and we both earn 6 figures. But coming from being uber broke until about 3 years ago, I hate spending more than $100 on anything for myself, lol.

Post # 23
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

He goes; you stay home. You’ve saved half the money and half the pto.

Post # 24
14017 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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@missmollybee:  “Logistically and financially it’s really tough to attend so many weddings.”

Weddings were local affairs years ago and extended family and close friends now as then are understandably important to your H and to you. That said, the expectations and self imposed obligations on and of younger couples today has gotten totally out of control.

I’m glad you aren’t on the verge of financial hardship, but it’s obviously a significant hit. You don’t have to be in debt or anywhere close to determine something is not an affordable or reasonable expense for someone in your current position. 

One more advantage of H traveling alone is it may be easier to find a place for him to stay with the groom, friends etc. cutting the expense further. 

Post # 25
3085 posts
Sugar bee

I do think that a lot of couples will be understanding of the fact that fewer invited guests will be able to fly in for weddings that are out of town or destination, over the next year.

The past year has had a tremendous financial impact on so many people, plus, I think a lot of people are going to be very wary of flying for a while.

Post # 26
51 posts
Worker bee

Just chiming in to say I feel you. We have 2 weddings in September, a wedding in October, a wedding in November, and a wedding in January! We have to travel to all of them because we moved out of state, luckily we can drive to 3 of them but 2 we have to fly. Having a large family is wonderful, but has its downsides 😂

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