Post # 16
I think it’s really important to remember that an invitation is not a summons. It’s wonderful to be invited to a loved one’s wedding, but it’s always okay to say no. You don’t need an excuse or a reason! Just because your husband is the best man in these weddings doesn’t mean you also need to attend. Maybe you could stay home and enjoy some personal time.
Unless the person getting married is someone I’m very close to, like a best friend or a family member, I generally don’t use my PTO to attend weddings. I want to use my time off to do what I want to do! I’ve definitely declined wedding invitations for no other reason than I simply don’t want to go. If you do want to go to these weddings, that’s great! But don’t put so much pressure on yourself to attend if it’s not convenient for you.
Post # 17
One of them is my husbands best friend, and the other one is my husbands cousin who he is really close with. These are weddings we really do want and need to go to. He is best man in both of these weddings so it’s not a typical wedding guest situation. I get that we can still say no, but we have been looking forward to seeing them both get married for years. It’s just crappy timing !
Post # 18
Do you have emergency savings and are you on track financially? Whatever you do, don’t consider putting yourself at risk. Again, money in hand does not necessarily mean you can “afford” to attend or that both of you can.
When my children were young there were several weddings H attended on his own, either because they were too young to travel or children weren’t invited. I would have loved to have been there but it just wasn’t practical. At least that would save you the plane fare.
Post # 19
l don’t think anyone is saying he shouldn’t go, only that you don’t have to accompany him. Yes it would be nice if it could be done easily, but not at damaging financial cost. Not to mention travel dangers right now.
lf it were us, l would either have h go alone, or choose the one most important for us both to attend . Hope it works out op.
Post # 20
Nothing about this trip is going to be financially damaging to us. Just annoying to have to spend it on weddings. We have a fully funded emergency fund with 6 months of living expenses saved, no debt, paid off cars etc. we had saved a few thousand bucks on top of that, of which some was already allocated to these weddings so we have planned for it. Would I rather save that money? Of course! it’s a lot of money! But, at the same time, I do want both of us to be there in support of our family and close friends. I feel like it would be super rude for me not to go, especially since both bride and groom attended our wedding. it sucks that they aren’t offering to cover any of our expenses, but it’s not exactly something you can ask of someone either if they haven’t offered. I don’t hold it against them, on top of throwing a wedding it would be crazy to cover the costs of the wedding party travel as well , from a pretty recent bride’s perspective. We went wayyyy over budget on our wedding and there was no way we would have afforded that too. I would never dream of putting someone else in that position, but that’s my take on it. It is up to the guest to decide whether or not they can take on the expenses of attending- and I am so glad in our case that we don’t have to choose between one or the other. It’s just highly annoying is all, haha.
Post # 21
Glad to hear it won’t put you in debt or financial hardship. In that case, it’s a judgment call. Reality is these wedding dates were just announced on top of one another and they are across a whole country.
To your point that it would be really rude not to go because they went to your wedding that is simply not true. Attendance, invitations etc. are not a quid pro quo. Circumstances change, conflicts arise, and not every wedding is as accessible in terms of location, timing, or the budget required to attend. In your place, I’d still consider a good compromise to be sending your H. In no way would that be the least bit inconsiderate.
Post # 22
I totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s not about whether or not you can afford it, but more about “I just don’t wannnnaaa”. I am the exact same. I lived on the other side of the country (in Australia) for 8 years – all my husband’s family is over there. Now we live West, anytime there’s a wedding or big event we have to fly back. And every time I complain about it, lol.
Like Christmas this year – we’re due to spend it with his family….we won’t even be paying for the flight fares – only the taxes – because we have so many frequent flyer points thanks to Covid preventing us from using them. But it’s like “geeez do we have to spend the $200 to get there?”. Yes we do. And it has no bearings on our savings and we both earn 6 figures. But coming from being uber broke until about 3 years ago, I hate spending more than $100 on anything for myself, lol.
Post # 23
He goes; you stay home. You’ve saved half the money and half the pto.
Post # 24
“Logistically and financially it’s really tough to attend so many weddings.”
Weddings were local affairs years ago and extended family and close friends now as then are understandably important to your H and to you. That said, the expectations and self imposed obligations on and of younger couples today has gotten totally out of control.
I’m glad you aren’t on the verge of financial hardship, but it’s obviously a significant hit. You don’t have to be in debt or anywhere close to determine something is not an affordable or reasonable expense for someone in your current position.
One more advantage of H traveling alone is it may be easier to find a place for him to stay with the groom, friends etc. cutting the expense further.
Post # 25
I do think that a lot of couples will be understanding of the fact that fewer invited guests will be able to fly in for weddings that are out of town or destination, over the next year.
The past year has had a tremendous financial impact on so many people, plus, I think a lot of people are going to be very wary of flying for a while.
Post # 26
Just chiming in to say I feel you. We have 2 weddings in September, a wedding in October, a wedding in November, and a wedding in January! We have to travel to all of them because we moved out of state, luckily we can drive to 3 of them but 2 we have to fly. Having a large family is wonderful, but has its downsides 😂