Post # 1
So I am in desperate need of help. Over a year ago (March 2010) I agreed to go be a bridesmaid for friend #1 who is having a destination wedding. This was no problem until this past Christmas when friend #2 got engaged and asked me to be in her wedding.
Now I did tell friend #2 the weekend my other friend was getting married and that if the wedding’s didn’t interfer with another that I could do hers as well. And initially they did not interfer. However, about 3 weeks ago friend #2 decided to push back her weekend now making it fall on the same weekend.
The tricky part is that friend #1 is getting married on a Sunday and friend #2 has picked a Friday. When I talked to her about the conflict (as they are in completely different locations as they are BOTH now destination weddings) she said she remembered that I had the other wedding to attend which is WHY she picked Friday…so I could have time to do both. My problem is that I promised now for over a year to be a part of the whole destination wedding for friend #1 but if I went to friend #2’s wedding…I’d miss the rehearsal on that Saturday and the bachelorrette party that Friday.
I really don’t know what to do as I HAD told friend #2 straight from the get go I had another wedding that weekend but now she is throwing the I picked a Friday for you (and has paid the deposit and sent the save-the-dates already) and she is throwing that she’s been friend’s with me longer as an argument. I really don’t know what to do as they are both really close friends and I could technically attend both but at the expense of friend #2’s other events. What do you guys think would be the best solution?
Post # 3
I don’t think that picking Friday makes it easier to do both. You would have to fly to one location, leave the day after the wedding and fly to another location. I don’t know about your money situation, but I know that I wouldn’t be able to afford that at all. I would tell the second one sorry but it isn’t possible, you told her about it before and she shouldn’t have moved her wedding to the same weekend.
Post # 4
i think you should explain to her all of the wedding festivities that are going around for your friend #1 and how you made that commitment first.
it really isn’t fair that she chose the same weekend (albeit she chose a friday), all brides know that bm’s are needed for the wedding weekend! at least for rehearsal on a diff day than the wedding!
it sucks that you can’t be a part of both, but i think the right thing to do is turn down friend #2.
Post # 5
I would keep your committment to friend #1. You committed to her over a year ago, and being part of the bridal party means that the rehearsal and the bachelorette are things you should be attending as well. You were very clear with friend #2 about your other wedding committment, and how would she feel if her Bridesmaids told her that they could go to the wedding, but would be bailing on her rehearsal and bachelorette?
Post # 6
In my opinion, the right thing to do it to be a part of friend #1’s entire wedding weekend. Friend #2 obviously knows that there is a rehearsal and other stuff the day before the wedding, so I don’t buy it that she picked her date on that Friday so you could be a part of her wedding. Unfortunately you can’t be in friend #2’s wedding, but you shouldn’t feel bad about it- it’s totally not your fault.
Post # 7
I don’t think it is fair of her to say tht she picked the Friday because of you, it is the same weekend and she should realize all the festivities that go on to prepare for a wedding and the strain that she is placing upon you if you decide to do both. I’d drop the Friday wedding as you committed to the other one first and #2 knew you had this prior engagement, if she picked the Friday date for you then perhaps she should have discussed it with you first.
Post # 8
I dont know that she necessarily picked Friday for you. I understand the situation you are in though, it stinks. I would be loyal to the first friend – and since they are both desination weddings, I really think that is asking alot for you to be at one wedding on Friday, travel Saturday and miss festivities and then be at the other wedding Sunday.
Post # 9
First come, first served. It seems really selfish of #2 to put you in this spot. Wouldn’t #2 expect you there for all her ‘pre’ activites, yet she expects you to ditch them for #1? And even if she did choose the Friday date to ‘accomodate’ you, why didn’t she actually CHECK with you first that that date would work?
Post # 10
I’ll echo the other bees. I think that you should explain to her that you’ve already committed that entire weekend to Bridesmaid or Best Man duties for Friend #1’s wedding and that, as much as you want to be there for Friend #2, it wouldn’t be right to leave #1 in the lurch. Explain that if the situation had been reversed, you would have done the same for #2. Hopefully she will understand.
Post # 11
I would definitely keep your obligations to Friend #1. She got you first, you told Friend #2 about it, and now Friend #2 is just making things difficult for you. Tell her you’re sorry, but “no”, and send her a nice present just to show there are no hard feelings.
Post # 12
I agree with everyone else but I would also suggest explaining the situation to friend #1 before making any decisions. That way you can first find out how she would feel about you missing those events, and if it means a lot to her (and the two friends don’t know each other) you could explain to friend #2 that friend #1 wasn’t comfortable with that solution and you feel that you owe it to her because of the whole first come first serve thing…
Post # 13
We had to move our wedding date after our original venue closed. We contacted our parents and the entire bridal party to make sure that the new date worked before signing our contract with the venue. Bride #2 knew you had another wedding that weekend – she absolutely should have checked with you before moving her wedding.