Post # 1
I’ve been struggling with this for some time. Darling Husband and I have been married a while now and we’ve been asked nonstop when we’re going to have kids. And the truth is that we aren’t sure we can have kids with our schedules or how to make it work? We both work long 10 hour days with 1 hour commutes each way (12 hours total a day. I don’t even get home until 7pm). I honestly can’t imagine what kind of life a 6 week old baby has with a nanny for 12 hours a day. What happens when the baby feeds every 3 hours and you have to go to work the next day?
My mom never worked and I guess I just didn’t realize how lucky I was to grow up with that. Do working moms ever even see their kids? We have no family in the area, which would make it easier.
Is it selfish to want to start a family? I know I would feel selfish even getting a dog with our schedules.
How did you all make it work as two working parents?
Post # 3
Your schedule doesn’t sound typical. Can you do something about your schedule or your coMmute? Working moms definitely get to see their kids, but you will have to be flexible and creative.
FH and I have a 23 month old daughter, but we’ve made adjustments so that I work at home, she loves daycare and is only there for 7-8 hours, and his commute is about 15 minutes each way so we have plenty of family time.
Post # 4
We are a two parent working with a baby. It isn’t easy and we have pretty typical 8 hour days. I honestly if you guys are working that much either figure out a way where one of you could do part time or work from home when the times come to have children.
Post # 5
Your days do sound very long. We both work, leaving the house at 7am and getting home by 5:30. Our older daughter is in school and the younger one does day care. Darling Husband takes the girls in the morning and I pick them up in the afternoon. So we see them apx 2hrs before work and 3 hours after. You know what happens when the baby gets up every 3 hours and you have to go to work the next day? You get through it! You have no choice 🙂
Post # 6
My sister just had a baby a month ago and this is basically the hours her H and her work.
He’s a lawyer and she’s a nurse anesthetist.
She fond out she only gets 6 weeks maternity leave, and they renegged the original 3 months they said when she was hired.
I think she is just dreading it, and I’m dreading it for her too. They will offset their schedules so they aren’t gone the same hours (aka he goes in earlier, she takes the baby to day care, H gets off before her, gets the baby, etc.
And with her job you cannot just go pee whenever you want. You have someone’s life on the line while they are in surgery. I imagine she’s just going to be hurting most of the time.
Post # 7
Since you aren’t TTC yet then this is something that you and your Darling Husband can really discuss before having a baby, if you chose. Would one of you be able to or willing to take a job closer to home with less hours even if it meant a little less money? Are you okay with dropping your child off at 7am and picking them up at 6pm/7pm and mainly having the weekends to spend time with them or do you want to be more active and home with your children more? I know some women who are very career oriented and say enjoy their time with the kids on the weekends but like to work all week. You can’t be everywhere at once and something has to give. I don’t know how your schedules would work unless you had a nanny and you have to decide if you want that for your family.
Post # 8
Sorry if this makes me sound awful but I wouldn’t start a family yet. At all. My SIL went to school part time and worked part time, got pregnant THEN started going to school full time and working full time & joined all kinds of programs and clubs. Not for the money either just to “stay busy and young!” …
She sees her daughter from like 8:30 at night until 8 in the morning. Guess what her 3 year old is doing at that time? Sleeping. They live across the hall from Darling Husband and I so I feed her dinner every night. Her grandma is literally raising her and it makes me sick. When grandma leaves, baby cries and cries for grandma, doesnt care that her mom is home because as far as shes concerned the only thing her mother does for her is put her to bed.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t have children until I was able to be present with them. I want to raise my kids. I understand 100% people have to work, I couldnt quit my job and live off of just DH’s, but if you are only home when your kid is asleep, you need to wait until your work schedule is a little more flexible.
Sorry if that sounds mean or judgemental, not ment towards you OP, but i’ve got an opinion from the non-parenting side, the side that has to help raise someone elses kid while her mother is out at Junior Leauge.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone! I didn’t see the comments until now.
We can’t cut back our hours because those hours are typical in our field (although I only work 4 days a week). We’ve discussed me not working, but Darling Husband comes from a family where women always work and he’s not ok with stay at home moms.I’m also not sure I could be a Stay-At-Home Mom… it’s not the money (we could live off DH’s income).
We live in a really big city so our commute are crazy long and to have kids we’d probably have to move even further out to get a 3 bedroom place.
We’re not that young either, so this is something that we have to start thinking about. I hate the fact that I feel like I have to choose between my job and a family.
Post # 10
Does anyone have their mom’s or MIL’s watch the baby? I’m almost ready to tell people when they ask why we aren’t pregnant that “we don’t have any family nearby” as our main reason. lol. I’m just ambivalent about sending a baby off to day care. It all just feels so weird! Everyone I grew up with had SAHMs.
Post # 11
Is it possible for you to consider going part-time or working from home? You’d still need child care to work from home, but it would give you more hours at home and with the baby after work. If money is not an issue, perhaps part-time work would be the best solution. You could still have a job, but have more flexible hours. Daycare is pretty stringent with hours and someone needs to have the flexibility for drop off/pick up/sickness, etc. My Darling Husband took a job closer to home with some additional flexibility as we decided my job would be primary, as it has more long term potential.
At this point I think you need to decide if your career is more important than having a family, and I think that can be a tough call. Especially if you are older and more established. I do think 2 working parent families can function very well and I’ve seen TONS of them that do. There are most certainly sacrafices that need to be made on the work front. Both of you working 12+ hour days is not condusive. But perhaps you taking a lesser paying/hours job for 5 or 6 years is totally feasible. Explore all the options.
Post # 12
I worry about this a lot too…. I work longer days (closer to 10 hours than 12 if I’m not doing OT) and make a majority of our money. I think the plan in my head for now is that I’ll work weekends and have off more during the week so that the baby will only need childcare M-W-F…. hopefully my husband will get a new higher paying job with flex hours (getting his masters in MAY!!!) which will help offset some of the financial burden. Working every weekend and not having time off with my husband will be tough though, so it isn’t exactly a great plan.
I really didn’t appreciate all my family was able to do with my mom out of work for 9 or so years with us when we were young.
Post # 13
Yes, working parents do see their kids. This question is akin to the snarky comment I have heard of daycare raising a child.
I’m aPre-K teacher at a daycare, so I see my daughter all day really. I can just pop in and see her. This isn’t typical of parents, but most see their kids when they get off work. Sometimes there’s nothing else that an be done. I mean, would a person prefer to lvie in squalor, just to stay home? How will that help when y’all are biting at each other’s heads over money?
Y’all will have to figure out how to make it work. I don’t know anyone who works 10hr days, and both of the people in the couple? It will not be easy.
Post # 14
My husband and I both work full time, and I have an hour commute each way. I drop my daughter off at daycare at 6 am. I work from 7-4, but I usually try and duck out a few min early so I can beat traffic. I am lucky to get there by 4:45 but sometimes it’s later. We come home and play until her bedtime, around 7:30. Sometimes it’s earlier or later if she had a long nap or is not feeling well. I wake up at 5 am, pack her stuff, pack my lunch (I usually work through lunch in an effort to be able to leave earlier), wake her up around 5:45 am, and start all over again. It’s not ideal, and I hate that my baby is one of the first kids there (daycare opens at 6 am but some parents sneak in early) and by the time I come to pick her up, all the other early bird kids have gone home. I grew up in daycares in a similar situation, and I hated that I was always the first one there and the last one to leave.
I hate it, but there’s not much I can do about it. I’ve looked for jobs closer to home (to cut out at least 8-10 hours a week she’s there) but the money is better in the metro area (we live in the burbs) and that means commuting. Moving closer to my job is also not an option as my husband works in the opposite direction.
As far as daycare “raising” my baby? Well, they do see her waking hours as much as I do (she naps during the day and of course I see her all day Sat and Sun) and they are teaching her and taking care of her- but they are doing a great job. My daughter loves her daycare and she has learned so much just in the short time she has been there ( we enrolled her last month when she was 6 months old).
Post # 15
Can you cut back on hours, or work from home some days? Or maybe try a 4 day work week? People do manage it, and a lot of wonderful mommies work full time and do a great job and love their babies a ton! I’d hate to think we as women have to choose between career and kids (I actually am home now and freelance occassionaly, but I still support a woman’s choice to work!)
Post # 16
My daughter will be 3 in July and I just started back to work. Fiance has been working well, always. I was put on bed rest at 5 months pregnant and stayed home until just last month. And it’s already getting stressful lol! But I have been in school since she was 6 months old, that is when she started daycare. I know no one who had a Stay-At-Home Mom. We don’t live in one of the cities that have high enough earnings for that (forget the word). But we just don’t. Our grandmother babysat my cousins, sister, and I while our parents worked up until she became really ill when my baby cousins were around 2. Then everyone started going to daycare except us 4 eldest.
My daughter has never spent more than 16 hours a week in daycare. I have had 1 or 2 jobs where I worked for a month or 2 in the past 3 years. Then and now that I work, Fiance, my mom, my aunts, or my adult cousins watch her-but mainly Fiance and my mom. She goes to daycare 3 days a wk, 4hrs a day while I am in class though. Fiance works midnights, 10 days on 2 days off, 8 days on,1 day off so he is exhausted most days because she also, doesn’t sleep at night!! So her and I are up until 3-4am, he comes home at 7am, lets me sleep until about 10am, then I either go to work (I work PT) or we get to spend a little time together before he has to get his 5-6hrs sleep for work. (He’s a maintenance engineer)
So it is stressful. People do it. Your schedule is not totally unheard of, but I think if you have children working these hours you will very much resent your job. But that’s just MY opinion. If there is NO other options than the 4 days a week will what works :-/
I’m sorry 🙁