Post # 1
I started to write a thank you to a friend for coming to the shower. Wrote the first two sentences, was just about to thank for the particular gift when it occured to me I didn’t recall what the gift was so I looked at the list my sister kept for me. My friend did not give me a gift at the shower. Do I finish off writing the thank you for coming to my shower card, or does that somehow imply a negative thought because she didn’t bring something? Letter’s already addressed, it’s easy enough to finish.
Post # 3
Actually a lot of people didn’t bring or send gifts to my shower or wedding and I sent a thank you to everyone. I know some couldn’t afford it, but I wanted to thank them for at least being there for us. I just basically said “Thanks so much for coming, it was great to see you” (not in so many words, but that’s the jist of it.) and left it at that.
Post # 4
I agree with Maggie, it’s nice to know that your company was enjoyed, even if you didn’t take a gift.
Post # 5
Yes, thank her for her presence. I would add in a few lines about how great it was to celebrate your upcoming wedding with her and what a valuable friend she is etc. If by chance, she did send you a gift and it was misplaced or something, this will probably cause her to ask if you received it, but if not, I wouldn’t think she would read it with a negative connotation.
I had several guests who attended our shower and wedding who did not bring gifts. I don’t think (or really hope!) that none of them thought I was being negative in any way when I thanked them for coming etc! I really can’t imagine many people would take that negatively.
Post # 6
@kay01: In general, no, you do not write “thank-you” notes to people just for coming to a party — regardless of whether the party is a shower or a reception or afternoon tea or Thanksgiving dinner or anything else. The hostess must of course greet them at the door when they arrive and bid them farewell when they leave and thank them verbally then. But the day after it is the responsiblity of a properly polite guest to send a thank-you note to the hostess.
That being said, there is no reason why should not write a general friendly note to any acquaintance any time you like, and a note saying how nice it was to see them is perfectly friendly. Anyone who imputes to you evil motives such as negative thoughts is showing more about their own mindset than about yours: honi soit qui mal y pense.
Post # 7
@Ree723: I agree, a nice note is perfectly acceptable, and if there was a mixup they will ask.
Post # 8
You don’t need to send her a note if she didn’t bring a gift, but it is a nice gesture. The refreshments at the shower are the thanks for guests who attend.
Post # 9
It’s not necessary for you to write a thank you. For starters, you did not invite her nor did you host the party. The party was thrown in your honor so if anyone wanted to thank someone simply for attending, it would be your host. Your thank yous are specifically for the gifts that were brought to the shower. As a PP mentioned, the food and drinks at the shower were the ‘thank you’ for attending.
Post # 10
Update: Her boyfriend sent a gift to the apartment today which I am fairly sure is meant to be a shower present from her – she is a physician and works long hours so he probably ordered it for her. (Neither he nor she enclosed a note, but luckily the store included a packing slip so I know who it was from!) I finished off my note with a thank you to the both of them for the gift.