- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
Growing apart/cheating, drug addiction.
Growing apart/cheating, drug addiction.
Thanks everyone for answering. The reason I asked is I keep reading, “We got married too young…I didnt really know him…I thought he would change…etc” You get the point. And I just cant believe people are still getting married, then getting divorced for all the typical reasons.
I guess I was just so leary of getting into a bad marriage (like my parents, who are still married), that I did a lot of reseach on what makes a good relationship, a bad relationshp and what leads to divorce.
I know most people have to live it to learn it. And sometimes divorce does come out of the blue. I just wish there was something we (meaning society) could do to prevent people from getting into bad relationships (then marrying them).
I think abuse, infidelity and abandonment are the only reasons for me to get divorced – but there are many ways to abuse someone. Verbal/emotional abuse is as bad as physical. I also think the situation one of the above posters mentioned, making your spouse shoulder the financial, physical and emotional burden of supporting and caring for the entire household while you play is a form of abusing your spouse. Being cold and distant, and refusing to fix the behavior even though your spouse is unhappy is also abuse.
KoiKove: You can probably only help yourself and your children. You probably can’t help society. I think a lot of people make bad choices, I know I did. I also think people won’t understand until they are there – in a bad relationship. It’s not so cut and dry as some of these ladies like to think. I also think that plenty of the people that are still married are in bad relationships, but just don’t get divorced for this or that reason. I know lots of those. It’s sad, really. I’ve made a very good choice this time around! Whew.
I got divorced because my trust was broken. this was after a total of ten years and other issues in the past that I thought had been resolved. I realized quickly after marrying that some things weren’t going to change. Trust is vital to me and without it my marriage wasn’t one I was willing to stay in. Judge away, lucky for me, I’m not really concerned with looking like a quitter. there’s “giving up” and then there’s reaching your limit. There’s “working at it” and then t here’s “beating a dead horse”. I believe I’m smart enough to know what I will and won’t be able to deal with. And I realized there were things that I wasn’t going to be able to live with. So I ended it. I have no regrets.
Personal experience: Abuse and money issues.
Lack of commitment is a given. If you are going through a divorce, someone is no longer committed to the marriage. If both people were still committed, there would be no divorce. The question is what causes the lack of commitment, because both people were obviously committed when they got married. I don’t believe anyone gets married with the idea that it isn’t going to last forever–or at least not a large percentage of people to be sure.
A common sentiment from divorcees is going on, dating again, falling in love again, maybe having some heartbreak, having the same fights as before, and looking back on the failed marriage and thinking that it was actually good enough. I have read this, as well as seen in play out in real life numerous times.
I would classify this as a lack of committment. “For better or worse” isn’t just a saying. marriage is hard and it doesn’t always feel lovey dovey. You need to really WANT forever with THIS PERSON to ever even have a remote chance at getting it IMO.
I would possibly also classify this scenario as a lack of maturity, which ties right into being mature enough to make a commitment like marriage.
I divorced because he was unfaithful. In fact, I walked in on the bastard.:)
Red flags? Yes, there were but I was naive enough to think we can work through anything. I think most times (although there are exceptions) you will see red flags if you take the time to date and truly get to know each other.
KoiKove: infidelity, insults/putting you down to the extent of affecting your mood much of the day, manipulation/influencing direct or indirect: discouraging outward activity, secrecy in financial, day-to-day or where they go, lying, sexual differences, putting you last, threats, violence, causing you to fear, a big change in one partner, inability of one to have children, working late, differences of morals, class, opinion on the big things, not consulting the other before making decisions (financial or future-based), depression of one partner, disability of joint child (too much pressure for some marriages), mismatched physical energy
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