- 10 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
Sorry, prep yourselves for a long one:
My FH is from another country and is currently having visa issues, so while we have set a date about a year from now and have booked a venue etc. etc., we’re planning on going to city hall next week to get things rolling on the immigration paperwork. Neither he, nor I consider it to be the “real” wedding, just another formality and step in the massive amount of paperwork we are about to bring down upon ourselves. I let my parents know this was our plan weeks ago and my mom has actually been pestering me to “get it done” so we can talk to the immigration lawyer and get this process going. While I admit, I did go out and buy a nice dress from Bloomingdales (and spent way more than I usually would), he and I are were not going to make a big deal about doing this. My sister is going to be the witness and we were planning on going out for beer and pork buns afterwards- end of story.
Until recently. I mentioned to my mom that we were going to do this next week and she was surprised and asked if she and my dad were invited (she said she’d take us out to lunch after). So ok, I caved. Whatever, if they want to be there, no problem, but I emphasized that I didn’t mention it sooner because my FH and I are NOT making a big deal out of it and don’t consider it the real wedding. So then, she invited my grandmother. Who proceeded to freak out. I wasn’t there to see what she said, but I guess she was upset because we were doing something so informal and not making it special. I talked to my grandmother on the phone and she seemed ok, but then in talking with my mom last night, it seems like my mom is the one who is now freaking out. I guess my grandmother brought home the reality that we are in fact, in the eyes of the law, getting married. When I first told my mom I was engaged, she went through this moppy sulky phase because she was having a hard time coming to terms that her daughter is getting married. This whole city hall deal just made her revert back to that. Which sucks massively. Especially considering that this woman told me to “get it done” a few weeks ago. Now she’s on the phone asking if I can’t do it closer to the date of the wedding and telling me that “nothing ever goes the way it should with you, you never make anything easy, there’s always a curveball.” I honestly can’t win. I’m trying to not take my mom’s attitude personally because I know that it’s her deal and her emotions and there’s nothing I can do about her own reactions to this, but I have to admit I’m pretty upset about it.
Oh. And on top of that, I’m pretty sure my grandmother told my relatives in Houston, who are even less likely to get why I’m doing this. So yeah, it looks like I shouldn’t have told my parents.
So now I don’t know what to do. Frankly, I’d love to go to city hall with my FH and my sister and go get beer and pork buns after, but now it’s a whole big complicated thing and it looks like I’m going to have to deal with the fall out of my relatives knowing I’m “already” married. Any suggestions on how I handle this crappy situation?