Post # 1
A few bees may have seen the post where I ranted about my MiL staying with us (it was a long ass rant!).
Well she is still here. And today we got a letter from my HoA about boxes of stuff of hers we had left outside to get the roaches out because you’re not allowed to leave boxes outside inmy community.
I then got very stabby and wrote a nasty letter tomy HoA that the ones were outside less than 24 hrs and they could shove those boxes you know where if they continue to bother me with frivolous letters while the abandoned property next door continues to double as a garbage dump and feeding trough for local wildlife, marred only by the mildewy brick that some phantom owner insists on hoarding. So next time they can accuse me of lowering theproperty values bY living in my property, I will happily observe CONSTANT vigilance and send them photos of the offensive abandoned properties on My street every single day until action is taken to clean them up.
In hindsight, it wasn’t a brilliant idea when you want the HoA to leave you alone. But I digress.
The cats are still on our patio and now raccoons and stray cats are breaking in for their food. So I said the cats have to go, which prompted my husband to ask me what I would do if it was ourfrogs and I screamed that I would find a place of my own to live that accepted pets!!!Rather than live with my newlywed son and not look for rentals at all in the hopes that they would fix it for me. And I wouldn’t be wasting time by looking at places I can’t afford or that don’ttake pets. And my dogs are up to date on their shots so they could be boarded, unlike the cats.
So then he said I was being bitchy and accused me of wanting to toss MiL on the street. And I told him that finding roaches in my dryer and undermy bed (when previously we had none) tends to start my day off on the wrong foot.
And as the primary breadwinner, they need out of my office (the room they are in) before the end of July when my contracts are under review and Im working 80 hrs a week.
To which he said he can’t say that because it makes his mom cry.
So now he and his mom, sis, gramps, and uncle are all wondering why I’m so selfish and trying to soothe each other. And I’m ready to move out of my own house just to get a break.
Post # 3
You need to give Darling Husband an ultimatum. Either he gets his mom on the ball to moving out, or you will go and stay elsewhere until she does. There is no way I would go for this!
Post # 4
Uh no. So far from okay. I am all for supporting family when they need it. But with the understanding that they will activily be looking for places to live on their own.
Post # 5
So TOTALLY off the point, but are you a Harry Potter fan?
Post # 6
Absolutely unacceptable. She needs to make it her full time job to find a place to live. Stat. There does need to be a deadline cut off and after that time she can live with another relative.
Post # 7
OMG, you have so much more patience than me!! This is not right, and you are not in the wrong. I, too, am about helping family out, but they also need to be keeping up their end of the deal…in your case, ACTIVELY trying to find a place to live, and keeping their animals/stuff under control. I would also set your limits with your Darling Husband, and if they are not met then tell him you are finding a new place to live and complete your work, at your joint expense. He needs to be 100% behind you…that’s what marriage is about.
Post # 8
Also, I have not read previous posts, but where are the SIL, grandpa and uncle you mention? I hope not in the house too?! If not, and if they are so upset with your thoughts, why don’t they step up and offer to help Mother-In-Law and let her stay with them???
Post # 9
“To which he said he can’t say that because it makes his mom cry.”
But it’s ok for his WIFE to cry.
If I were you, I’d be beyond furious. Not even 2 months married and your “husband” has already demoted you to second best. If you don’t get Mother-In-Law out of your house ASAP, welcome to the rest of your life. MIL manipulates with tears and is the perpetual victim, and is absolved of all personal responsibility for the choices she has made when the logical consequences ensue.
You are well within your rights to demand an immediate change (why can’t Mother-In-Law stay in a hotel or some other sort of rental? or with other family better equipped for long-term guests?) Take care that she doesn’t squat in YOUR home long enough that she could gain tenant’s rights. But honestly, if it were me, I’d be issuing an ultimatum: your wife or your mother. Pick, right NOW.
Post # 10
@ellisrobertson I saw the movies and liked them, but that’s about it!
I told him that if he keeps defending them then he and them can all get out of my house.
That seemed to snap him out of it a bit. We will see what happens tomorrow with the cats.
SiL is here too, but gramps is in a retirement community. His uncle lives nearby but like 40 mins away which is why I keep saying the cats should go live there!!!
Post # 11
Prayers your way I have no idea what to say other than that woman needs to go put on her big girl panties and get out
Post # 12
I would have done the same thing and defended myself! That is rediculous that he is sticking with them instead of being behind you. I hope he does that now that you have stood up and said something! I hope this works out for me. I would do what others have said and give her a time limit. If not, she might assume its ok to stay as long as she wants since she is living with her son.
Post # 13
I’m confused..how long has she been there? has there been some sort of emergency?
I would say that it sounds like she has outstayed her welcome and needs to stay with some other relatives. If I were her I would be mortified about bringing roaches into your home btw
Post # 14
As someone said, I’m all for helping out family and to have opened your home to her in the first place was very kind and gracious. The problem seems to be that she has overstayed her welcome and is not actively pursuing finding a space to call her own. I understand that Darling Husband wants to protect and care for his Mom, but this is your home, your space, your office and your sanctuary. He needs to start helping his Mom look for a new place…YESTERDAY.
Post # 15
good Lord. Why isn’t she paying to have her stuff put into a storage unit? This is ridiculous. He needs to cut the umbilical cord (no offense) and make sure she moves out.
He chose to make a life with you. Your happiness should always be his main concern.
Post # 16
Something similar happened to me when a family member of DH’s lived with us for over a year. His whole family sat around saying I was selfish, rude, and “how could I treat precious cousin like that”?
Never mind the fact that I was planning a wedding, cleaning out our house from the previous owner, working full time, taking care of all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
Tell her to leave or YOU move somewhere else temporarily. I wish I would have done that, rather than put up with the bullshiz. I think if I would have left, Darling Husband would have snapped out of it rather quickly.
So not cool.