(Closed) Uggghh I'm an outsider in my own home!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

You need to give Darling Husband an ultimatum.  Either he gets his mom on the ball to moving out, or you will go and stay elsewhere until she does.  There is no way I would go for this!

Post # 4
Member
5543 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Uh no. So far from okay. I am all for supporting family when they need it. But with the understanding that they will activily be looking for places to live on their own. 

Post # 5
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

So TOTALLY off the point, but are you a Harry Potter fan?

Post # 6
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Absolutely unacceptable.  She needs to make it her full time job to find a place to live. Stat.  There does need to be a deadline cut off and after that time she can live with another relative. 

Post # 7
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

OMG, you have so much more patience than me!! This is not right, and you are not in the wrong.  I, too, am about helping family out, but they also need to be keeping up their end of the deal…in your case, ACTIVELY trying to find a place to live, and keeping their animals/stuff under control.  I would also set your limits with your Darling Husband, and if they are not met then tell him you are finding a new place to live and complete your work, at your joint expense.  He needs to be 100% behind you…that’s what marriage is about. 

Post # 8
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Also, I have not read previous posts, but where are the SIL, grandpa and uncle you mention?  I hope not in the house too?!  If not, and if they are so upset with your thoughts, why don’t they step up and offer to help Mother-In-Law and let her stay with them???

Post # 9
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

“To which he said he can’t say that because it makes his mom cry.”


But it’s ok for his WIFE to cry.

If I were you, I’d be beyond furious. Not even 2 months married and your “husband” has already demoted you to second best. If you don’t get Mother-In-Law out of your house ASAP, welcome to the rest of your life.  MIL manipulates with tears and is the perpetual victim, and is absolved of all personal responsibility for the choices she has made when the logical consequences ensue. 

You are well within your rights to demand an immediate change (why can’t Mother-In-Law stay in a hotel or some other sort of rental? or with other family better equipped for long-term guests?)  Take care that she doesn’t squat in YOUR home long enough that she could gain tenant’s rights.  But honestly, if it were me, I’d be issuing an ultimatum: your wife or your mother. Pick, right NOW.

Post # 11
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Prayers your way I have no idea what to say other than that woman needs to go put on her big girl panties and get out

 

 

Post # 12
Member
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I would have done the same thing and defended myself!  That is rediculous that he is sticking with them instead of being behind you.  I hope he does that now that you have stood up and said something!  I hope this works out for me.  I would do what others have said and give her a time limit.  If not, she might assume its ok to stay as long as she wants since she is living with her son.

Post # 13
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m confused..how long has she been there? has there been some sort of emergency? 

I would say that it sounds like she has outstayed her welcome and needs to stay with some other relatives. If I were her I would be mortified about bringing roaches into your home btw

Post # 14
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

As someone said, I’m all for helping out family and to have opened your home to her in the first place was very kind and gracious. The problem seems to be that she has overstayed her welcome and is not actively pursuing finding a space to call her own. I understand that Darling Husband wants to protect and care for his Mom, but this is your home, your space, your office and your sanctuary. He needs to start helping his Mom look for a new place…YESTERDAY.

Post # 15
Member
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

good Lord.  Why isn’t she paying to have her stuff put into a storage unit?  This is ridiculous.  He needs to cut the umbilical cord (no offense) and make sure she moves out.

He chose to make a life with you.  Your happiness should always be his main concern.  

Post # 16
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Something similar happened to me when a family member of DH’s lived with us for over a year. His whole family sat around saying I was selfish, rude, and “how could I treat precious cousin like that”?

Never mind the fact that I was planning a wedding, cleaning out our house from the previous owner, working full time, taking care of all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.

Tell her to leave or YOU move somewhere else temporarily. I wish I would have done that, rather than put up with the bullshiz. I think if I would have left, Darling Husband would have snapped out of it rather quickly.

So not cool.

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