Post # 1
She’s been so stand-off ish in this whole process. one mintue she complains she doesn’t feel included the next she complains my Maid/Matron of Honor shouldn’t need her help on the bridal shower and that that’s her deal. (I tried to speak up about it tonight when she mentioned it again but my other bridesmaid kind of hushed the whole thing and changed the subject super quick).
She offers to help us put together the shower guestlist so we set up a dinner meeting and then doesn’t show up and texts late saying she’s sorry and feels bad.
fast forward to tonight and we schedule a get together so I can give her, her shoes for when her bridesmaid gown comes in and she shows up and hour and a half late (no exaggeration)!!! and DRUNK! I was flabbergasted and so was my other bridesmaid.
She had every excuse under the sun from she had to give her co woerkers rides home to balblablah.
I dunno…what would you do/say?
Post # 3
I don’t think I’d “fire” her right away, but I would sit down and talk to her. There’s probably a reason she’s being so flaky, and maybe it’s a good one. Maybe she was drunk & late for reasons that have little to nothing to do with you: she could be having major stuff in her personal life, and if she is, then it would be good for you to know about it! But also, maybe she does have problems with being a bridesmaid, and if so, you should know that too. I would sit down with her–in person–and ask her what’s up in a kind, caring manner, something like:
“I really care about you and want you as my bridesmaid, but I’ve been noticing you don’t really seem happy to be a bridesmaid, and haven’t really wanted to come to events. Is something wrong? What can I do to help?”
If this doesn’t work, then maybe you should think about not having her as a bridesmaid. But you most likely asked her to be your bridesmaid for a reason: you probably love and care about her, and you probably want to save that friendship, as well as have her there on your wedding day.
Post # 4
I would tell her to show you she wants to be in this wedding, if she doesnt seem like she cares, then tell her she not in the wedding anymore. It puts more stress on you if one of your bridesmaids act stupid.
Post # 5
It sounds more like you have a friend problem and not a bridesmaid problem…
Post # 6
It sounds like you need to talk to her. This doesn’t sound like one of those extreme cases where a Bridesmaid or Best Man should be asked to step down but rather a time to discuss what’s going on.
When I was planning a big wedding I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man who was seriously trash talking my now Darling Husband and me. I called her, asked her about what was relayed to me then said “I think it is best at this point for you to decide if you would like to continue as a Bridesmaid or Best Man or if you would like to step down.” She made the choice to step down.
Post # 7
Is this woman your friend or your accessory? She sounds like there is some major shit going on in her life and you don’t seem to care except as to how it’s related to your wedding.
Your bridesmaids are supposed to be your nearest and dearest friends–if my besties were acting this much out of character, I’d be sick with worry about them, not wondering whether or not I should “fire” them from my wedding party. Get your head on straight and remember why you asked this person to stand up with you on your wedding day.
You get upset and “fire” bridesmaids for things like punching your mother or sleeping with your groom, not being late to pick up some damn shoes.
Post # 8
She’s your friend, ask her what’s going on her life and if SHE needs any help. It’s a two way street. She definitely sounds like something is not right.
Post # 9
@zomgwut: very snarky…gues someone had a bad day.
Post # 10
I think her behavior is inconsidrate and if you feel she is going to make the process more stressful ask her to step down which could be a friendship ending mood. Also for the record this really really irks me when brides talk about “firing” a bridesmaid she isn’t your employee and she doesn’t work for you.
Post # 11
Thanks. I cerainly did get worried for her, driving drunk obviously IS something to be concerned about as well as why she’s behaving this way. I certainly didn’t let her drive home. Indeed I did ask her, and have given her opportunities to open up about what’s going on with her, but ask I mentioned in my original post, all I get is excuses and avoidance. Our plans were for dinner and wedding details on both occassions.
I hope the situation gets better or that she decides to tell me what’s really going on.
And I should have mentioned she’s actually a mutual friend of me and Fiance, but probably closer to Fiance. I’ve asked him to try and talk to her as well.
I guess I was just super angry as I honestly feel like she blew off our plans to go get hammered with who knows who, who knows where. But yeah, we are worried about her and we don’t want to have to kick her out.
Post # 12
@fresitachulita: I kicked out one of my bridesmaids for doing similar things, including showing up to the onyl and only dress shopping trip wasted and ruining the whole appointment (and yes, I did give her more chances after that). In my situation, I shouldn’t have asked this girl in the first place, as she was, as a PP said “a friend problem”. Don’t let other posters make you feel bad for someone else’s behavior. She agreed to be a bridesmaid, she needs to step up and do it, and if she can’t, then she should be kicked out.
Post # 13
I don’t really believe in choosing to “fire” a bridesmaid unless they’ve done someething really terribly awful. I don’t think she’s done anything really terribly awful. All she’s really required to do is wear the dress and stand up with you during the cermony. And I agree with PPs that talking with her in a non-judgemental way is probably the best way to proceed.
Post # 14
@fresitachulita: I agree with some PPs. I think often times some Brides get so caught up in the wedding that they identify strange behavior with being a bad bridesmaids, when in fact the strange behavior is a from a FRIEND. You need to be more concerned with her life rather than her role as a bridesmaid.
I would suggest setting up a time to see her that’s NOT wedding related (no planning dinners, no picking up wedding items). Don’t mention her not being their for wedding things but highlight how you’re worried about her well being. Good luck…I hope you can get some help for your poor friend.
Post # 15
this sounds like a bad friend, are you sure you want her standing up with you?? You may want to talk to her about it….