(Closed) Ugh.

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 18
Member
2396 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@GwenvonD: That is a great plan. Enjoy vacation, but don’t let worries of ‘will he wont he’ keep you from enjoying it. You are going to ENGLAND! When you get back, then I agree, it might be decision time. He has to know it is coming.

Post # 20
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee

Oh,no! I was feeling so excited for you. You never know, he may do it during the England trip. I’m sure there will be many romantic moments to share. 🙂

I feel the same way sometimes. I really don’t care at this oint, it’s kinda like, whatever. it’ll happen or it won’t. I don’t care about a proposal or the wedding. I want to get my uncle to marry us in the backyard and go on a nice long cruise for our honeymoon since he hasn’t been on one in a while.

Post # 21
Member
8 posts
Newbee

@GwenvonD i’m super new here (just signed up today) but I totally feel where you are coming from and you’re not alone in the way you feel. My SO and I have been together longer than most of my friends (who are now married btw) even knew their husbands/wives. I’ve been going through some pretty deep depressions because I know it is coming, but at this point I feel like it is more of a chore and that people will not be happy for us but be more like- FINALLY. It cheapens it to me.  I think I’ve now reached the stage that you’re talking about- i’m just beyond caring. It’s wearing me out too much to care anymore. My co-workers brother just got married and weddings/engagement is all she can talk about. It’s sad, but I find myself thinking- yeah, i hope your SO doesn’t string you along for years like mine has. *Not the right mentality at ALL!*

He may still surprise you in England or propose right after you get back! Either way, have a LOVELY time and take your BA new camera (i’m jealous). So many photo ops in England!!!

Post # 22
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m normally not one to advocate ultimatums, but come on. You’re 31, this is the time you need to know whether this man is serious, or whether you need to start over. If you want a family someday, you don’t have years to kill waiting on this man to get his head out of his ass and figure out what he wants. You are letting him decide everything FOR you, and it’s not fair. My photographer told me at my wedding that after 2 years together (she is your age) she told her now-husband it was time to shit or get off the pot. Simple as that. She said she wanted kids and a family and if he didn’t want that with her, she needed to know now so she could start over again. 

I don’t know you. But from what you’ve posted on here over the past few months, I get the impression that you give him outs and excuses. You’re willing to accept any explanation he’ll give you and you are so hopeful and optimistic that it’ll pay off. And it hasn’t. And he KNOWS what you want, so for him to not commit (one way or another, in or out) to a decision is chickenshit. Moving in with him didn’t delay anything that his own personality wouldn’t have delayed. If a man wants to marry you, he will do it regardless of whether you move in with him first or not. This is a person who either doesn’t know what he wants, or worse, knows, but also knows that it is in contrast to what YOU want, and is too cowardly to tell you now so you can go find someone who makes you happy and will give you the things you want. 

Post # 23
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ha! I am going through one of those crummy waiting weeks too.. and yes I am wondering whether I should care so much whether or not a proposal is coming my way as it’s just not doing me any good.

Just know that your not the only one when you feel down, let me tell you most of the congratulations given to the newly engaged bees on the waiting board is a mixed feeling of happiness, but also bittersweet…

Post # 24
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee

@ohheavenlyday: Actually Gwen, I agree with OHD. I knew when you were here last year and I remember your threads too. I don’t know what has changed significantly. I guess you did go ring shopping BUT he didn’t give you a timeline. Why? Anyhow, as a lady who is about your age and who dated her guy for the same amount of time, I didn’t want the ring, or the big proposal or anything. My proposal wasn’t significant, I didn’t get a ring for months, but guess what? I was engaged and I was planning my wedding. It did suck though because I know a lot of folks who told us ‘Finally! I’m so happy for you’. I wasn’t mad at them, if it was my sister, I’d say the same thing too Innocent  I think that it’s coming to the point where you and J need to sit down and hatch out a plan. It’s not as romantic but honestly, wouldn’t you trade romantic for peace of mind right about now??

Post # 25
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think that you know you’ve waited too long when if you did actually get engaged, you’d be bitter about all the time that you spent not engaged.

I’m starting to feel that way about getting married.  We’ve been engaged for a 1.5 years and I’m not sure when we’ll be married.  I just feel like the time waiting isn’t worth it, you know?

You’re allowed to be selfish when you’ve given so much time and energy into the other person.  I’d focus on yourself for awhile.

Post # 26
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@GwenvonD:I have read your posts and have been hoping it would happen for you on your trip.  I agree with you that you need to go on the vacation…have an awesome time…and if it dosen’t happen in Europe then it’s time to sit him down and have ‘a talk’.  Im 36 and UNDERSTAND waiting..I hope to only be waiting a couple more months.  I am ok with waiting a couple more months because I had an open and honest talk with my SO a few months back about my expectations for the relationship…I am sooo lucky that my SO and I are on the same page regarding marriage and timeframe.  I still have bad ‘waiting’ days…but I would be feeling the exact same was as you if I had no idea what the future held.  I wish I had something amazing to say that would make you feel better…((hugs)).

Post # 27
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have to say i’m feeling pretty similar at the moment – i couldn’t care less if he surprises me or not at this point. I am sick and tired of my family not being willing to admit that it is GOING to happen so whether they like it or not. I am SICK of feeling like this and starting to get bitter!!

Wait until after your trip – hopefully it’s on his mind because of the wedding you are going to – if it doesn’t happen then after you get back a talk is in order – I would just make sure to preface the talk with a little “I know you have just spent a lot on money on my camera and the trip but…” because I know my SO has a lot of issues with the money side of things and I wouldn’t want to start a fight 🙂

Post # 28
Member
975 posts
Busy bee

Woooooo England! Where are you going? 🙂

Post # 29
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m going to respectfully disagree with any advice to have a timeline talk, at LEAST until after the trip, and you get a sense from him as to whether things are progressing or not.  In fact, I’d hold off until the after the holidays (I KNOW I KNOW… it’s only September and I’m suggesting waiting 3-4 more months before launching the discussion).  I have several male friends who have all expressed the same thing:  All they get is the proposal.  All the other planning will usually be done by the bride, so the proposal is their one big moment to shine.  it’s also the one time they’re “allowed” to be romantic without looking like dorks to their guys.  They want to have the element of surprise, and constantly discussing it takes that away.  I’ve only followed you for a few months Gwen, but I don’t think this guys is stringing you along.  Give him the chance for the proposal of his dreams… don’t forget, this is HIS engagement too.

Post # 31
Member
2001 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@MissNoodles: But if he wanted it to be a romantic, special surprise he’s had years (or at least many months) to plan something.

If it doesn’t happen on the trip, I think it’s time for a Come to Jesus.  She’s 31 and wants kids.  She has been in limbo for far too long and needs to move forward with life one way or the other.

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