(Closed) Ugh.

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Trust me – I totally feel you. I’m 33 (as is the SO) and we’ve been living together for almost four years (dating just over four years) and I’ve heard “soon” for the past two years. I know how frustrating it is to watch all your friends and family (not to mention the obscene amount of kids I used to BABYSIT who got engaged this year – SIGH) get engaged/married/have babies and feel like you’re just waiting for your life to begin. I’ve had to verbally knock him over the head a few times – if we were in our 20s, I honestly wouldn’t care but I want to have babies and my timelines to do that are shortening by the day. Something guys just don’t seem to get sometimes!

I hate the idea of throwing out an ultimatum but you do have to think about what’s best for you and he needs to know exactly where you stand with where you want/need to be in your life in the next year or so.

I had a good sit down with my SO (who used $$ as the excuse for not proposing yet also) recently and expressed how I felt and why it is so important for me to marry him sooner than later and he finally saw the light and while I know the proposal won’t be a total surprise (I picked out the ring and we ordered it last week) and certainly not the proposal I dreamed of as a little girl, at least we’re moving forward.

Sending you big hugs and hope that you and your honey can come to a mutual agreement on moving forward soon!

Post # 33
Member
2300 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Money is a huge factor. The engagement really is important to the men too, and after you get engaged, your relationship becomes really public for awhile. Suddenly the ring is public property, everyone has an opinion about dates, they want to hear the proposal story, etc… it really is special and it’s really a time for the fiance to shine. There’s a LOT of pressure on them.

Post # 35
Member
2396 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@GwenvonD: If he is a private person, he might be overwhelmed with your dad and brothers there if he wants to talk to just your dad, unless he is really close to your brothers, too. My Fiance asked for my parents to come visit, and then said he was taking my dad to home depot. That was the only way to get my dad privately away from me and my mom, and before they left my mom told me that Fiance had talked to dad. They told me for the same reasons – so I wouldn’t blow up prematurely and move out.

If you find out this weekend that he didn’t talk to your dad, maybe you can set something up for just your dad and him after you get back from your trip?

Post # 37
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

Big hug to you! I’m right there with you I’m to the point I don’t care WHERE he does it.  The parking lot of my work would be fine for all I care.  It’s really tough waiting good thing we have these boards to know there are other people who understand!

Post # 38
Member
2396 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@GwenvonD: If  your dad is making sure to spend private time with him, do you think that your dad is going to bring it up? That is a very dad like thing to do. Sounds like something is up.

Post # 40
Member
2024 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@GwenvonD: I really hope, for your sake, that he does ask your father this weekend and that your dad turns around and tells you.  I can’t imagine you will have a good time in England otherwise.  While waiting feels like it’s taking the biggest toll on you right now, try not to let it consume you.  It might make you say/do something you regret later.

I agree with PPs who say to wait until after England to talk about it if it doesn’t happen on the trip.  If he doesn’t propose, then you DEFINITELY have to have an exit strategry.  I was in the exact same boat that you are in–7 years with a guy who ended up not sure if he wanted to get married at all.  I left him and met Fi the next month (at 35).

Post # 41
Member
2396 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@GwenvonD: My dad would have done the same. He sounds a lot like your dad, and if Fiance would have left it get past a certain point, he would have asked Fiance what his intentions were in a non confrontational manner. Both of my parents were very scared and we would never get engaged. They are kind of religious, so living together was ok until a point. I found out later that when Fiance talked to my dad he apologized for even making me wait as long as he did, he just wanted to make sure he gave me enough time to really know if I wanted marriage at all. I guess there is a reason sometimes as to why guys do what they do…

Great things happen over golf, and that is a very relaxed setting for both of them, so I am hoping that it works out. A lot of business deals are settled on the green, haha.

I agree with

View original reply
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: though. She has some good points. Here’s to hoping that the golf outing clears up any doubts so you dont’ have to get to the point of either risking being frustrated on your trip or planning what you need to do next.

Post # 42
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think there’s something in the water at the moment Gwen! Feeling frustrated with the waiting as well! I normally only look at weddingbee at work, but I looked from home yesterday and then when he looked at the computer later  he said “weddingbee?” and looked at me and I just said “yeah, so what?” and he left it at that!

Im sick of hiding how I am feeling because “its his job” to ask me. I dont want a wedding, I want to be married to the man I love. Simple as that!!

I hope the golf game clears up some answers for you and that J is really working on something for you.

Post # 44
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

Here’s hoping you get a proposal in England.  I’m in a little better “waiting” mood than my first response.  It comes and goes doesn’t it?

Post # 46
Member
13 posts
Newbee

Yes, its very hard to know what’s going on in his head when everything seems so normal and ordinary. does he think about it? How often? Has he done anything about it? etc. Meanwhile, you can’t STOP thinking about especially knowing he might not be thinking about it at all! frustrating. Just remember. He loves you. Seriously. Remind yourself how you know that he loves you and you should trust him.

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