Post # 1
I work night shift and I keep having issues with my fiancé waking me up in the middle of the “night” to go do stuff. It makes me so mad. My body NEEDS 9+ hours of sleep and being woken up after 4-5 hours of sleep. I don’t feel good when I don’t get enough sleep but he just doesn’t seem to get it. He thinks that’s plenty of sleep and that I’ll be fine. I really really struggle to keep it together on minimal sleep. I’m emotional and cry over anything, I experience more preventrical contractions/palpitations of my heart and I am irritable. I also feel nauseous… I just don’t know how to make it clear to him?? I struggle to do well at work and I have an important job that people’s lives depend on. It’s GOTTA stop. Just because it’s past noon doesn’t mean it’s time for me to wake up after working all night.
Post # 2
That’s tortuous and rude as shit. I would sit down and straight up tell him that you will move out if he doesn’t stop. I wouldn’t live with someone who doesn’t respect my needs or my health. It’s not cute, it’s not funny, and he’s being a dick.
Post # 3
I am so sorry your husband is being so rude. My advice might be unusual and a bit weird, but have you consider sleeping on a different room? One that it is just for you? I know some people -lightsleepers, people with different schedules, etc.- prefer to sleep in different rooms to avoid exactly what you’re going through, so maybe you could give it a try.
Post # 4
How do you react when he wakes you up? A well deserved freak-out could give him.second thoughts on doing it again.
Post # 5
Have you sat down and told him the physical and emotional side effects that a lack of sleep is causing for you? Ask him for his help so that you two can figure out how you can achieve the uninterupted stretch of sleep that your body requires to function so that you can be fully present in your life and enjoy to the fullest what time you do have with him. My experience with people, especially men, is that the blame game does not go well, but they do enjoy being proactive to problem solve, especially if it means helping out their partner. Best of luck. FWIW I doubt it’s malicious or willfully ignorant, it’s just not something that people understand unless they have lived it.
Post # 6
I don’t get it. You can’t just go back to sleep? It’s go to be hard to not be able to do anything in your own bedroom all day.
Post # 7
Is he waking you up intentionally or do you wake up when he wakes up at a regular morning time? My fiance is a police officer and I have an office job with regular day hours, so often times he comes in at 4am after work and I wake up at 6:30am to go to work. I wake up for a brief period when he comes in, and he wakes up for a brief period when I get ready to start my day. We are both respectful of each other and it really doesn’t bother us- we fall right back asleep.
On the other hand, if he’s intentionally waking you up or not making any effort to be quiet, that’s a different story and is not respectful.
Post # 8
brideandblue : is he waking you up intentionally? If so, you need to have a stern conversation about it because that is incredibly disrespectful. If it’s unintentional, you need to let him know it’s happening and it’s causing issues for you and the two of you need to come up with a better arrangement. Maybe you have separate bedrooms so that he has no need to go into the room you’re sleeping in when he’s up and at it.
Post # 9
funnyfox : I’m actually a really heavy sleeper! The way our schedule works right now is he goes to bed at 7:30 p.m. and wakes up around 5:30 a.m., I go to bed at 6:30 a.m. and wake up sometime in the afternoon. On weekends we sleep together for maybe a few hours when our sleep overlaps but it’s not him getting out of bed that wakes me up but him coming in to wake me up to go do stuff. Like “let’s go to Costco” or “come help me clean up the house before work” or just waking me up so I don’t sleep all day.
Post # 10
lifeisbeeutiful : It usually takes me an hour or so to even be cognitive enough to get out of bed when I’m that tired. I usually ask for more sleep and tell him I’m sleeping. After enough times of him coming in I can’t fall back asleep
Post # 11
Maybe you should have a designated time that you absolutely must not be disturbed before. Like unless the house is burning down do not wake me up before 2pm! You need to explain the way this is affecting your emotional/physical well being and if he can’t understand that or still chooses not to respect you there might be a bigger problem.
Post # 12
With your sleep cycles being so different, I think one of you really does need your own bedroom. It’s not like you’re bed-sharing anyway; you go to bed an hour after he wakes up so you might as well be doing it in your own rooms. Do you have a guest room one of you can make your own?
Post # 13
He’s being a jerk. You need to make it clear to him that he’s way out of line. I’d start sleeping in a different room and tell him to leave you the hell alone. Remember that you teach people how to treat you.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2019 - Home
Lock the door, if that doesn’t work then tell him you will leave him if he doesn’t stop.
I would do some research about the importance of sleep if I were you. Not getting proper sleep can significantly reduce your lifespan. It is very very very important to get good consistent sleep.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
As an ex night shifter I totally sympathize. I used to have this problem. People just don’t get it. Talk to him, make do not disturb hours. I used to go sleep at my moms sometimes! Nothing going on there. Tell him you absolutely cannot get up before 3pm or whatever. Lock the bedroom door. Put up a sign. Tell him just how hard sleeping during the day is, you’re fighting normal circadian rhythms. If he can’t respect that and entertain himself, he defitniey being a selfish dick. Wear earplugs! My SO snores like rocks in a blender and those foam earplugs block out 90% of the sound. Good luck bee!