UGH fiance keeps waking me up!!

posted 10 months ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

That’s tortuous and rude as shit. I would sit down and straight up tell him that you will move out if he doesn’t stop. I wouldn’t live with someone who doesn’t respect my needs or my health. It’s not cute, it’s not funny, and he’s being a dick. 

Post # 3
Member
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I am so sorry your husband is being so rude. My advice might be unusual and a bit weird, but have you consider sleeping on a different room? One that it is just for you? I know some people -lightsleepers, people with different schedules, etc.- prefer to sleep in different rooms to avoid exactly what you’re going through, so maybe you could give it a try.

Post # 4
Member
4658 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

How do you react when he wakes you up? A well deserved freak-out could give him.second thoughts on doing it again.

Post # 5
Member
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Have you sat down and told him the physical and emotional side effects that a lack of sleep is causing for you? Ask him for his help so that you two can figure out how you can achieve the uninterupted stretch of sleep that your body requires to function so that you can be fully present in your life and enjoy to the fullest what time you do have with him. My experience with people, especially men, is that the blame game does not go well, but they do enjoy being proactive to problem solve, especially if it means helping out their partner. Best of luck. FWIW I doubt it’s malicious or willfully ignorant, it’s just not something that people understand unless they have lived it. 

Post # 6
Member
1824 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I don’t get it. You can’t just go back to sleep? It’s go to be hard to not be able to do anything in your own bedroom all day. 

Post # 7
Member
878 posts
Busy bee

Is he waking you up intentionally or do you wake up when he wakes up at a regular morning time? My fiance is a police officer and I have an office job with regular day hours, so often times he comes in at 4am after work and I wake up at 6:30am to go to work. I wake up for a brief period when he comes in, and he wakes up for a brief period when I get ready to start my day. We are both respectful of each other and it really doesn’t bother us- we fall right back asleep.

On the other hand, if he’s intentionally waking you up or not making any effort to be quiet, that’s a different story and is not respectful. 

Post # 8
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

brideandblue :  is he waking you up intentionally? If so, you need to have a stern conversation about it because that is incredibly disrespectful. If it’s unintentional, you need to let him know it’s happening and it’s causing issues for you and the two of you need to come up with a better arrangement. Maybe you have separate bedrooms so that he has no need to go into the room you’re sleeping in when he’s up and at it. 

Post # 11
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2019

Maybe you should have a designated time that you absolutely must not be disturbed before. Like unless the house is burning down do not wake me up before 2pm! You need to explain the way this is affecting your emotional/physical well being and if he can’t understand that or still chooses not to respect you there might be a bigger problem.

Post # 12
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

With your sleep cycles being so different, I think one of you really does need your own bedroom.  It’s not like you’re bed-sharing anyway; you go to bed an hour after he wakes up so you might as well be doing it in your own rooms.  Do you have a guest room one of you can make your own?

Post # 13
Member
3889 posts
Honey bee

He’s being a jerk. You need to make it clear to him that he’s way out of line. I’d start sleeping in a different room and tell him to leave you the hell alone. Remember that you teach people how to treat you.

Post # 14
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Home

Lock the door, if that doesn’t work then tell him you will leave him if he doesn’t stop. 

I would do some research about the importance of sleep if I were you. Not getting proper sleep can significantly reduce your lifespan. It is very very very important to get good consistent sleep.

Post # 15
Member
1429 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

As an ex night shifter I totally sympathize.  I used to have this problem.  People just don’t get it.  Talk to him, make do not disturb hours. I used to go sleep at my moms sometimes!  Nothing going on there.  Tell him you absolutely cannot get up before 3pm or whatever.  Lock the bedroom door.  Put up a sign.  Tell him just how hard sleeping during the day is, you’re fighting normal circadian rhythms.  If he can’t respect that and entertain himself, he defitniey being a selfish dick.  Wear earplugs!  My SO snores like rocks in a blender and those foam earplugs block out 90% of the sound. Good luck bee!

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