Post # 31
brideandblue : he’s being very rude. He gets 10 hours of sleep each night and thinks you should be okay with 5 hours? I can’t remember the last time I slept for 10 hours and he does that every night. Sounds like he has some extra time on his hands to go to Costco or clean by himself…
Post # 32
Sleep deprivation has been categorized by the UN and other human rights organizations as a form of torture.
It can’t be used on captured war criminals. Why should it be used on you?
On a physical level, sleep deprivation is terrible for you. Research is showing that lack of sleep is as effective as alcohol in impairing your driving. It’s believed that there are far more drowsy driver crashes than we know, due to underreporting.
As for your health, lack of proper sleep brings on a plethora of physical problems. It increases your risk of early death by 12%. I’m including a link that breaks down the health consequences.
The notion that your fiancé doesn’t ‘get it’ is preposterous. He gets it. He totally gets it. He is making a conscious choice to cause you suffering and putting your health and wellbeing at risk.
He obviously comes first.
You have discussed this with him before, yes? I wouldn’t do a whole lot more. Unless he’s six years of age or under, it’s a pretty simple concept to grasp.
Two possibilities emerge. One, he is immature and stunningly self centered, shuffling through life wearing a beanie with a propeller on his head.
The other disturbing possibility is that his intent is to harm you.
I would have one more discussion, including all of the information about negative effects on your health. If the bulb lights and he quits, fine. Though he still has some growing up to do. Did no one ever teach him to be considerate of others?
The second option is much more ominous.
Post # 33
Have you told him he is not to wake you up? Like have you told him seriously that you don’t want him waking you up and that he is specifically not to come in and ask you anything, or ask to go somewhere? If so what is his response? Does he just say, no i am going to wake you up if i want to because I don’t want you to sleep all day?
If you have told him to stop specifically and with serious tone and he continues you need to just get harsher about it.
I have told you to not wake me up when I am sleeping. I am not ok with you doing that. If you continue to wake me up when I am sleeping I am going to stay somewhere else until you can control yourself. Period.
Or you could come home and wake him up and be super annoying to his sleep cycle and let him know that each time he wakes you up, you are then in turn going to wake him up and make his life miserable. See how long he keeps that up.
Post # 34
brideandblue : wait one damn second. He goes to sleep at 7:30pm to wake up at 5:30am?!?! That’s 10 hours! And he thinks you can get by on 4 or 5? Oh hell no. Next time he woke me up I’d be hiring a marching band to come through the bedroom every night at midnight for a week. Ok maybe I wouldn’t actually do that, but seriously he is an asshole. I might have given him a little leeway if he was one of those people who sleeps 5 hours and feels awesome, but he understands what he’s doing to you and it’s so wrong. I don’t jump to this often, but this is actually something I would break up with someone over (and I told my husband as such when we were dating and he stopped waking me up).
Post # 35
If he’s this inconsiderate and rude about something as essential as sleep, I’m inclined to believe he’s this way with other things. It’s very simple that humans need sleep, and because of your work schedules your sleep will be during the day and his will be during the night. Honestly, this would be enough for me to end a relationship with someone. Sleep is integral.
Post # 36
brideandblue : I worked the night shift before and I feel you girl. I had neighbors fighting all the time, the damn sun was up, phone was going off, doctors appointments had to be during my sleeping hours… UGH
He is being incredibly disrespectful and his actions are causing your health and work performance to decline. It isn’t safe! Why does he need your involvement in these things?
Get some black out curtains and shut off all distractions. Ask him how he would feel if you woke him up at 2:30am to do stuff together. Find that small window of time during the day where you are both functioning and tell him that you are available for whatever he needs during that block.
How long are you working nights for? Have you considered a different shift or a new job?
Post # 37
“The notion that your fiancé doesn’t ‘get it’ is preposterous. He gets it. He totally gets it. He is making a conscious choice to cause you suffering and putting your health and wellbeing at risk.”
Yes. Him waking you up to go to Costo or to clean for god’s sake after he knows you’ve only been sleeping for 4 or 5 hours is an act of aggression and smacks of resentment. I can understand doing it out of cluelessness maybe one or two times, but continually doing so when you’ve told him how it affects you is purposeful and abusive. I would seriously get to the bottom of why he wants to hurt you and take action accordingly.
Post # 38
I would have absolutely lost my shit by now. Fucking Costco?! Cleaning?! No fool I need to sleep. You need a serious talk with him. This is deakbreaker stuff.
Post # 39
Does he work during the day? Why does he get 10 hours of sleep and think you’re alright with 5?
Post # 40
He’s being a dick.
If he goes to bed at 7:30 pm and wakes up at 5:30 pm, I think you need to wake him up a few times at 11 pm or midnight to see if he wants to do something like watch a movie or go to the McDonald’s drivethru for late night shakes/fries. See how he likes be awakened for a bad reason when he’s only had a few hours of sleep.
Post # 41
He is being completely disrespectful to you. Regardless of how many hours of sleep he thinks you need, you are an adult and can manage your sleep schedule by yourself. Even if it’s 4 pm and you’ve been asleep for 10 hours, it’s not up to him to decide you have had enough sleep. You need to have a serious, direct conversation with him about this. Set boundaries. And if he doesn’t respect them, I would consider that a deal breaker.
Post # 42
rockclimberbride : Night shift is ROUGH lol and I think that he honestly misses me. We don’t get much time together and really have to work to find time to be together. We’ve both made some sleep sacrifices throughout our relationship but I don’t know that he realized it was so difficult for me. Since posting this I made it very clear that I can not be a happy person on 4-6 hours of sleep. I’m pretty sure I got my point across because I was grumpy all day. I really try not to be a grumpy person but I’m more emotional when i don’t get enough sleep. As for my job, I don’t know my whole schedule for next year and I don’t know what his will be either. Most likely I will only have two or three more months of graves and then I plan to switch to part time so I can go to nursing school. He will likely go to night shift at some point next year. Before I ever worked night shift I didn’t understand the frustration with being woken up by loud neighbors, lawn mowers, etc. or having to go to appointments. I must admit I woke him up at about the seven hour mark several times because I was on day shift and had felt like I was waiting all day to see him and was excited to spend time together BUT we set a very clear guideline as to what time I could wake him up. Ex: You can wake me up any time after 2:00 (Idk what time it actually was.) Thank you for your feedback. I plan to establish a set wake up time in the future so that I can make sure my sleep needs are met but that he knows when I’ll be available to spend time together.
Post # 43
mimivac : I should have clarified: though I do the majority of our cooking and cleaning and household stuff he wakes me up to go to costco or clean together. He’s not waking me to do it for him and often times he’s already done some of it on his own before I’m out of bed. I still agree though that I should NOT be getting woken up and this is something we discussed after I posted this. I think he got the point(:
Post # 44
I worked nightshift for two years. My husband and I had just started dating so he would come over before work after 4pm or so and he would cook or bring me dinner. That would be our time before work and would not interrupt my sleep schedule. Tell him little sleep could cost you your job and that he needs to be more considerate.
Post # 45
brideandblue : my issue right now is being woken up for occasional snoring. I dont do it consistently but he will make Me wake up if it bothers him. I told him I work 12 hours and i cannot handle being woken up like that.