UGH fiance keeps waking me up!!

posted 10 months ago in Beehive
Post # 31
1152 posts
Bumble bee

brideandblue :  he’s being very rude. He gets 10 hours of sleep each night and thinks you should be okay with 5 hours? I can’t remember the last time I slept for 10 hours and he does that every night. Sounds like he has some extra time on his hands to go to Costco or clean by himself… 

Post # 32
10580 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

brideandblue :  

Sleep deprivation has been categorized by the UN and other human rights organizations as a form of torture.

It can’t be used on captured war criminals. Why should it be used on you?

On a physical level, sleep deprivation is terrible for you. Research is showing that lack of sleep is as effective as alcohol in impairing your driving. It’s believed that there are far more drowsy driver crashes than we know, due to underreporting.

As for your health, lack of proper sleep brings on a plethora of physical problems.  It increases your risk of early death by 12%. I’m including a link that breaks down the health consequences.

The notion that your fiancé doesn’t ‘get it’ is preposterous.  He gets it.  He totally gets it.  He is making a conscious choice to cause you suffering and putting your health and wellbeing at risk.

He obviously comes first.

You have discussed this with him before, yes? I wouldn’t do a whole lot more.  Unless he’s six years of age or under, it’s a pretty simple concept to grasp.

Two possibilities emerge.  One, he is immature and stunningly self centered, shuffling through life wearing a beanie with a propeller on his head.

The other disturbing possibility is that his intent is to harm you.

I would have one more discussion, including all of the information about negative effects on your health.  If the bulb lights and he quits, fine. Though he still has some growing up to do. Did no one ever teach him to be considerate of others?

The second option is much more ominous.

Post # 33
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

Have you told him he is not to wake you up? Like have you told him seriously that you don’t want him waking you up and that he is specifically not to come in and ask you anything, or ask to go somewhere? If so what is his response? Does he just say, no i am going to wake you up if i want to because I don’t want you to sleep all day? 

If you have told him to stop specifically and with serious tone and he continues you need to just get harsher about it. 

I have told you to not wake me up when I am sleeping. I am not ok with you doing that. If you continue to wake me up when I am sleeping I am going to stay somewhere else until you can control yourself. Period. 

Or you could come home and wake him up and be super annoying to his sleep cycle and let him know that each time he wakes you up, you are then in turn going to wake him up and make his life miserable. See how long he keeps that up. 

Post # 34
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

brideandblue :  wait one damn second. He goes to sleep at 7:30pm to wake up at 5:30am?!?! That’s 10 hours! And he thinks you can get by on 4 or 5? Oh hell no. Next time he woke me up I’d be hiring a marching band to come through the bedroom every night at midnight for a week. Ok maybe I wouldn’t actually do that, but seriously he is an asshole. I might have given him a little leeway if he was one of those people who sleeps 5 hours and feels awesome, but he understands what he’s doing to you and it’s so wrong. I don’t jump to this often, but this is actually something I would break up with someone over (and I told my husband as such when we were dating and he stopped waking me up). 

Post # 35
1921 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If he’s this inconsiderate and rude about something as essential as sleep, I’m inclined to believe he’s this way with other things. It’s very simple that humans need sleep, and because of your work schedules your sleep will be during the day and his will be during the night. Honestly, this would be enough for me to end a relationship with someone. Sleep is integral. 

Post # 36
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

brideandblue :   I worked the night shift before and I feel you girl. I had neighbors fighting all the time, the damn sun was up, phone was going off, doctors appointments had to be during my sleeping hours… UGH

He is being incredibly disrespectful and his actions are causing your health and work performance to decline. It isn’t safe! Why does he need your involvement in these things?

Get some black out curtains and shut off all distractions. Ask him how he would feel if you woke him up at 2:30am to do stuff together. Find that small window of time during the day where you are both functioning and tell him that you are available for whatever he needs during that block.

How long are you working nights for? Have you considered a different shift or a new job?

Post # 37
2081 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“The notion that your fiancé doesn’t ‘get it’ is preposterous.  He gets it.  He totally gets it.  He is making a conscious choice to cause you suffering and putting your health and wellbeing at risk.”

Yes. Him waking you up to go to Costo or to clean for god’s sake after he knows you’ve only been sleeping for 4 or 5 hours is an act of aggression and smacks of resentment. I can understand doing it out of cluelessness maybe one or two times, but continually doing so when you’ve told him how it affects you is purposeful and abusive. I would seriously get to the bottom of why he wants to hurt you and take action accordingly.

Post # 38
4883 posts
Honey bee

I would have absolutely lost my shit by now. Fucking Costco?! Cleaning?! No fool I need to sleep. You need a serious talk with him. This is deakbreaker stuff. 

Post # 39
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Does he work during the day? Why does he get 10 hours of sleep and think you’re alright with 5? 

Post # 40
2404 posts
Buzzing bee

He’s being a dick.

If he goes to bed at 7:30 pm and wakes up at 5:30 pm, I think you need to wake him up a few times at 11 pm or midnight to see if he wants to do something like watch a movie or go to the McDonald’s drivethru for late night shakes/fries.  See how he likes be awakened for a bad reason when he’s only had a few hours of sleep.

Post # 41
1451 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

He is being completely disrespectful to you. Regardless of how many hours of sleep he thinks you need, you are an adult and can manage your sleep schedule by yourself. Even if it’s 4 pm and you’ve been asleep for 10 hours, it’s not up to him to decide you have had enough sleep. You need to have a serious, direct conversation with him about this. Set boundaries. And if he doesn’t respect them, I would consider that a deal breaker.

Post # 44
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I worked nightshift for two years. My husband and I had just started dating so he would come over before work after 4pm or so and he would cook or bring me dinner. That would be our time before work and would not interrupt my sleep schedule.  Tell him little sleep could cost you your job and that he needs to be more considerate.

Post # 45
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

brideandblue :  my issue right now is being woken up for occasional snoring.  I dont do it consistently but he will make Me wake up if it bothers him. I told him I work 12 hours and i cannot handle being woken up like that.

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