- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
My new husband and I have been arguing recently because he wants a motorcycle, and he knows I absolutely hate them and think they’re way too dangerous. I am already an anxious person that will be stressed and panicked every time I know he’s out there, and he’s prone to daydreaming, getting distracted, losing focus and has no sense of direction without his iphone, so I think (and the people that know him have agreed) that it would be extra dangerous for him to be riding one. Even the most experienced bikers get into huge accidents because people around them aren’t paying attention!
He knows how much I hate bikes, so he actually has been sneaking around without telling me what he’s doing – he got his license, took motorcycle classes, bought boots and a helmet (all of which is really expensive), has gone riding with friends and has been researching buying a motorcycle online without talking to me about any of it. But he argues that he has to keep it from me to avoid a fight.
Since he won’t listen to the emotional argument that the thought of him riding deeply scares and upsets me, I tried to bring up the financial argument that we can’t afford a big luxury purchase like that. But he said “What I do with my money is none of your business.” That infuriated me, and I completely disagree because his life and well-being is my business, and we’re supposed to be saving for a future together! But because he had some savings before we got married which we decided to keep separate (we’re doing his, hers and ours accounts – but it was supposed to be with the understanding that we still respect each other enough to agree on large purchases), he still has that single-guy mentality that he should be allowed to do whatever he wants.
Other issues further complicating the matter, but he refuses to acknowledge them as solid points:
– He was laid off last year so he’s currently unemployed and living off his savings and my paycheck, but he still wants to use his savings for a bike. It’s totally financially irresponsible.
– I said if he’s really serious about this and refuses to change his mind, then he absolutely has to get life insurance and accidental death and dismemberment insurance, and he has to pay for it. I read about what AD&D entails and it absolutely terrifies me, but he says he’ll look into it. The thing is that it’s another added cost to our already strained bills, so he’ll be spending even more money and putting us in even more financial strain (not to mention the reccuring motorcycle insurance costs and possible increased health insurance premium).
– He promises to be safe, but we live in the middle of Los Angeles. There are no quiet backroads to ride on for fun, to get almost anywhere you need to drive through crowded metropolitan streets or take a freeway. Two days ago I personally witnessed a horrific accident on the freeway where a motorcycle was totalled in stop-and-go traffic (I can’t even imagine how horrible it would’ve been if we were actually going full speed rather than 30 mph). I drove around the accident to see the guy had been thrown 10 feet away from his bike, and panicked onlookers running towards him to check his pulse and call an abulance. I told my husband about this while I was shaking and crying and he just said I need to relax and stop getting on his case about this before he starts to resent me.
I’m so upset about all of this, but I don’t think I can do anything to change his mind. And after seeing that accident with my own eyes, I don’t think I can be at peace with this decision. How can I either get him to see reason or get over my anger, fear and financial stress?