Post # 1
*DISCLAIMER: I THINK DIAMONDS ARE BEAUTIFUL. I HAVE NEVER SAID THEY WERE UGLY AND LIFELESS. SO DON’T THINK I AM CALLING YOUR DIAMOND UGLY!*
I can’t can’t can’t can’t STAND that some women get so defensive and just downright plain snarky about diamonds and other gemstones. As soon as someone mentions they don’t want a diamond for “ethical” reasons, the claws come out. Why? Why can’t I say I don’t want to contribute to mining and De Beers controlled industry? Why can’t I say that I don’t believe the Kimberly process is perfect and conflict diamonds are probably still smuggled through and stamped conflict free? Why can’t I say that I feel better that the makers of my stone actually have health insurance benefits and aren’t losing limbs and working in terrible conditions? Why can’t I say that I hate that De Beers has control of the industry and just makes the price anything they want because they know people will pay?
I can’t stand that non diamond engagement rings get such a bad rep. It’s like some women are brainwashed into thinking engagement ring=diamond when it’s only in recent living memory that this scheme was introduced. Before De Beers took control women didn’t have diamonds for engagement rings. Now all of a sudden a company starts a “tradition” and it’s law.
I can’t stand that some women call Asha, Moissanite, White Sapphires, and any other colorless stone a “fake diamond” when in fact moissanite and white sapphire have their own chemical make up! These are gems in their own right, but because they are colorless, they are just trying to be diamonds.
I can’t stand how some women believe that if it’s NOT a diamond then he doesn’t love you enough! WHAT!? Do some of these women realize how shallow that is? And I’m sure that very phrase was beat into their heads so that’s why they repeat it. And I’m sure men are so pressured by that phrase, some of them go into debt just to get a diamond because anything else is just fake and not worth it.
I’m sorry, I’m just venting. We chose Moissanite and it’s not because we couldn’t afford a diamond. It’s not because I was looking for something cheap to pass off as a diamond. First off, the ring wasn’t cheap. Even with a discount it was still almost $1200. Second of all, everyone who knows me knows I have been against the diamond industry well before the movie “Blood Diamond” came out. In high school my term paper for English was about the De Beers marketing scheme and how it affected the market back then and how it’s still affecting the market today. I grew up in WV and always knew the environmental damage and dangerous conditions that mining caused. So this is nothing new to me. I didn’t jump on some bandwagon after the movie was released. I knew in high school that I did not want to contribute to the diamond industry.
So why does my SO love me any less than the guy who bought his girl a diamond?
Post # 3
I love non-diamond engagement rings. In fact, if I could do it again, I’d hint that I want one 🙂
My diamond is a diamond, yes, but it is utterly inexpensive. Dosen’t mean that my husband loves me any less then the dude who spent 10 grand. In fact, who’s to say that the dude who spent 10 grand isn’t a jerk?? Ya never know !
Post # 4
I have a diamond, but I agree with most of what you said.
FWIW, I just saw that Prince William gave Kate Middleton his mother’s engagement ring, which is a blue sapphire (although it does have some small diamonds on it). I think colored gemstones are beautiful!
Post # 5
Of course we’re brainwashed that engagements mean diamond rings. I couldn’t wait to get my diamond ring! I think it’s riduculous that some people think that if you don’t get a diamond, your Fiance doesn’t love you enough. Obviously they’re material girls. I can’t help but laugh at how stupid they are. Yeah I said it! I’m sure if I was more creative I would’ve thought of getting something different than a diamond ring. Sadly I’m not
Post # 6
I give you a standing ovation!!!!!!
Post # 8
I completely agree and while I’m a diamond girl myself, I don’t think other gemstone engagement rings are any less beautiful. I mean, just look at Kate Middleton’s bling.
I can only wonder if other people’s (especially women’s) response comes from the way they were brought up or a fairytale view of romance. Either way, I think it’s rude to dictate how other people’s love should look/manifest itself.
Could it be possible that those women are jealous they didn’t have the courage to choose something less “traditional” than a diamond?
Post # 9
Beautifully put! I fell into the same trap myself and love my beautiful diamond ring…yet at the same time, had we bought something less expensive we’d have more money for a downpayment on a house right now. Oh the diamond and wedding industry! How brainwashed they can make us and how much we’ll spend!
Post # 10
I don’t call or think of Asha, Moissanite, White Sapphires, and any other colorless stone a “fake diamond”, they are it’s own gem as mentioned… what I don’t like are the people who try to pass of their non-diamond colorless stone as one, though it doesn’t seem like anyone here is guilty of that and is very open about it, but it sure happens in real life. If you don’t want a diamond, don’t have one, totally open and cool with it. So am I! To each their own. I’ll admit… my brain washed, sparkle loving, diamond desiring self wanted a big ol’ diamond and sure as hell paid the price for it. Does my guy love me anymore or less? Nope. I’m just lucky as lucky as the next girl that got exactly what she wanted – diamond or not.
Post # 11
Wow–I can see how it must be frustrating to have people make assumptions about your ring. And I can appreciate the vent, who doesn’t need to let it all out sometime? But, the reason it’s frustrating is because it’s unfamiliar to many people. AND, whether you mean to or not–you’re probably offending people. I”m not offended by this post, btw, I’m just being honest.
Fiance bought my ring from Brilliant Earth bc my Fiance wanted a traditional ring, and I wanted a conflict free engagement ring. This was our compromise–is it perfect? Nope. But, when I tell people that my ring is “conflict free” they sometimes become offended and say thing like “but are your shoes conflict free?” to discredit our decision. To me, it doesn’t make sense: if I bought a hybrid car, would people be put off? Would they point out that I don’t live an entirely green lifestyle? Maybe.
In the end, the decisions you make with your Fiance are YOUR personal decisions. And we all know, logically, that the size or quality of your engagement ring is not an accurate indicator of your commitment to one another. It’s a symbol of your promise that reflects your personal style. And I hope that you can learn to cope with the people that frustrate you, because I think you have a lot to teach people–clearly, you care about the topic and you’ve studied it. But be prepared for people to be up in arms.
Post # 12
I think those women feel the need to get defensive because if they didn’t, they probably feel like they are admitting that they are brainwashed, fell into the trap, and are supporting blood diamonds.
Post # 13
I agree Miss Tattoo! However, sometimes I feel like I’m on the other side, of wanting to explain why I have a diamond ring instead of a gemstone, plain band, or even engagement watch! I feel the need to explain that its a family diamond, less anyone think that I knowingly contributed to blood diamond trade. (Although it could be argued that my great-grandfather bought it at a time when they were all blood diamonds..)
Anyway, I wish we were all more polite to each other and less judgy about the ring and more happy for the sentiment.
Thanks for the post!
Post # 14
@Miss Tattoo: Here Here Miss Tattoo!!!!!
I agree with everything you said! I wouldn’t mind someone saying “I don’t like moissanites because of such and such reason” it absolutely irks me when people say “I don’t like moissanite because it is FAKE.” It bothers me so much that some people feel that if you are wearing a moissanige/ asha/ white sapphire that you HAVE TO tell everyone, if you are wearing spanx and someone says “you look like you lost weight” you you automatically blurt out “It’s spanx” I would with my girlfriends but if someone at work tells me that I would simple say “thank you.”
I love the idea of a moissanite, I think it is so neat that it came from a meteorite. I told SO that I am very open to a moissanite but sadly he wants to go with the diamond because it’s “tradition.” I said to him “Yea a tradition started by the diamond insustry.”
Post # 15
I see what you are saying and tend to agree but on the real, I tend not to get as passionate about it b/c diamond or no diamond working in a mine to dig up ANY stone is a horrid job. Do people really think that South African gold miners are treated any better? (that is for the many times I have heard “I would never support the unethical diamond business so I got a plain gold band”; ok sure)
It would be naive for me to think that my emerald is anymore ethical than anything else. To me, it’s all pretty much bad. But these are the cultural expectations that we are dealt with and we all have to do our best with the knowledge that we do have.
What I am saying is not specific to DeBeers practices but to the oft heard (not necessarily you, OP) comments that somehow someone is better than another because they get one stone instead of the other.
The snarky comments about non-diamond engagement rings (which I have gotten a whole heaping pile off, mostly from people who are NOT engaged) do get an extreme side eye. Get a man first then come talk to me about ANY ring.
Post # 16
I guess I’m sick of people trying to tear other people down. I was on another forum and a girl asked about Moissanite and the other brides were so snarky towards her. They told her that she should just settle for a lower quality smaller diamond so she could still say she had a diamond on her finger. WTF? She didn’t ask about a cheap diamond. She was asking for real life photos of Moissanite and even the girls who did post photos got shit about it. I wanted to just rip this one woman a new hole because she said, “There is nothing more special than a diamond.” and I wanted to be like “Oh yeah? Then if they are so special, why does almost EVERY woman in America have one?” I mean my goodness, my mother bought my daughter a pair of tiny diamond studs. I would have never bought her diamonds, but it was a gift from my mother. Freaking babies are wearing diamonds and this lady was telling everyone that diamonds are special!?
I agree with pinkshoes. Trying to pass off a non diamond as a diamond is not right. People should be confident with their choices and not try to conform to a man made industry standard. If you want a diamond, then get one. If it takes your guy three years to save up for one then so be it. Don’t try to go to non diamond route just to try and pass it off as one. If you are looking at Moissanite or anything else and you ask yourself, “I wonder if people will be able to tell it’s not a diamond.” then run away. Having a non diamond stone is not for you.