Post # 1
I’m very new at posting on weddingbee, but it looks like fun!
I just got engaged last Friday- July 27th. My fiance and I ordered a custom ring from Blue Nile, so I knew it was coming, but it was still AMAZING. The ring was more beautiful than I ever thought, but more importantly, I’m going to marry the best guy in the world!
However, there’s already drama threatening to ruin my engagement bliss. Here’s the back story:
I’m 20 years old, and my fiance is 31. We first met at my dad’s wedding a couple years ago. This is the catch- my dad’s wife is my fiance’s sister. So technically, my fiance is my dad’s brother-in-law. Now, obviously we are not related by any means, just kinda-sorta through marriage. Does that make sense?
When they first found out we were dating, and by that time we were already living together, they were not happy. There was all sorts of trash talk going on, but my fiance and I didn’t care. We were happy and getting ready to move 4,000 miles away.
Fast forward to our engagement. My dad found out through my mom, and told her that “he would not walk me down the aisle, he would have nothing to do with me or my fiance.”
So here I am. I have no dad to walk me down the aisle, and my fiance and I are seriously thinking about just eloping and not telling anyone until after the fact.
I guess the point of this posting would be to get some advice. I don’t really care what my step-mom thinks, but my dad really hurt my feelings when he said that. My fiance just told me to not worry about it- we’re extremely happy and two people’s opinions don’t count. But what do ya’ll think?
Post # 3
Wow. That’s a tricky one. I would give your dad some time to cool off and hopefully come to his senses. Are they against you and your Fiance being together because they think you are “related”?
I hope the rest of your family is understanding.
Post # 4
Not to come across in a bad way, but I am sensing there is more of a back story here?
Is your dad mad because you didn’t tell him you were dating his BIL? Is it the age difference that bothers him maybe…you must’ve been fairly young when you met your now FI? Just wondering because it seems like your dad must have some other issues to not come to his daughter’s wedding and walk her down the aisle.
Without knowing any of the above, I would say, have a heart to heart with your dad by yourself. Ask him what bothers him and why he would not want to see his daughter get married. Be sincere and try to understand his reasoning. He may not change his mind, but at least you have made the effort to communicate about it with him.
Post # 5
Can you talk one on one to your dad about it? Otherwise, I don’t see anything wrong with eloping.
Post # 6
I’m with jlc3 on this one – have you been able to ask your dad exactly why he hates the idea of you being with this man?
Eloping is always an option but, even though tradition says the father walks the bride down the aisle, you can always have your mother, brother, uncle, friend etc. walk you down. I’ve been to weddings where the bride and groom walked down the aisle together to signify the start of their new relationship! Try not to let your dad’s negative attitude ruin your wedding day – think carefully about what you want to do and try and do it. Don’t end up regretting not having a wedding just because your dad’s acting like a dickhead.
Post # 7
Why is everything a secret? You should be shouting your love from the mountains! I don’t understand why you didn’t tell your dad that you were engaged. Were you afraid of his reaction? You need to be confident about everything, then just tell everyone else to deal with it.
Post # 8
I believe there’s a couple reasons he’s so mad about the whole thing.
1. I didn’t tell him right away that we were together. My fiance and I wanted to wait and make sure that we were going to be in it forever before we told anyone and caused a lot of drama over nothing.
2. Our age difference. Yes, we are 11 years apart in age, but my dad is 43 and his wife is 29. How can he say anything?
3. My step mom has never liked me. Not even when she and my dad first got together, and that was like 6 years ago when I was a lot younger. And I think my dad is just siding with her.
I’m not really concerned about my dad walking me down the aisle, my mom would be my go-to person for sure, it just hurts that he’s acting like this. It’s really frustrating. And it’s hard to have a private talk with him because he likes in the lower 48 and I live in Alaska.
Post # 9
@AlwaysSunny: I was going to tell him, but my mom has a big mouth and told him the very day we got engaged. I didn’t have a chance to call him before she did.
Post # 10
I imagine he would come around – sit down and talk with him about it. What is it that he doesn’t like? The age gap? The fact it’s his wife’s brother? Definitely a bit of a unique situation, but you aren’t related by blood so it really isn’t a very big deal.
Okay just saw your update above – he definitely has no grounds to speak on the age gap! But, I think if this is really important to you and you want a traditional wedding with him walking you down the aisle you should talk to him about it. I would be shocked if he doesn’t come around. Don’t let the drama get to you. Just take it one step at a time and remember to enjoy your engagement. Good LucK!
Post # 11
Unless your dad is completely heartless…I do feel like he would come around. Saw your update…do your Fiance and his sister get along? Maybe having him talk to her on the phone/skype whatever would help too. If you feel like she doesn’t like you…that’s not cool. But it may just simply be her way of dealing with the fact that you are your dad’s and his ex-wife’s child. BUT I would suggest taking the high road here too and maybe talking to her one on one (again you live in different places so it might have to be by phone call) about how happy you are with her brother and why you want her and your dad’s blessing about it. It’s very hard to be mean when you are speaking with someone who is oozing positivity and happiness. Trust me. 🙂
While it may be hard for your dad to accept…it’s your choice and it’s completely understandable why you and Fiance waited to tell people you were together, you wanted to make sure things were solid. That’s admirable.
Eloping in this situation would be the easy road, but I would want to try to extend the olive branch on this one.
Post # 12
Okay, just throwing this out there. Your step-mom had no right to dislike you considering she met you when you were a girl. However, I know if I met my husband’s daughter when she was *14* and then that girl turned 20, which is still very young, and then married my older brother…I might be a little freaked out, not gonna lie…her brother is now kinda her step son-in-law…and you’re kinda gonna be your dad’s sister-in-law. I don’t know. I hope you guys really love each other. I don’t know you, but that sounds like a lot of weirdness to go through to marry a much older guy at the age of 20. This is super pop psychology-ish and possibly dumb, but are you sure this has nothing to do with your dad and him marrying a much younger woman who you don’t like? You sound like a smart girl and I’m not trying to knock you. My parents have a 12-year gap so it can work…but I do feel 20 is miles away from even 23 or 24. Maybe you should wait another year or two?
Post # 13
The situation would make me feel uncomfortable just because of the association. Give tm some time, they may come around.
Post # 14
It is unfortunate that he is acting this way. Yes, you are young. That may have a lot to do with it, but at the end of the day it is your choice to make. I would probably tell him “I am an adult, I am not asking your permission. You can be happy for me or not, but I am getting married so that is your choice.” If he can’t/won’t than that is just going to have to be okay.
Post # 15
@MrsDocHorrorShow: My sentiments exactly.
Post # 16
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I understand that your Dad has a similar age difference, but there’s a world of difference between 20 and 29. Also- “We first met at my dad’s wedding a couple years ago.”– were you not 18 when you and Fiance met? If you weren’t of age, I can see why a Dad would have BIG issues with this.
I hope your wedding date isn’t this October- I would advise giving it some time. It’s been one week- people may settle down, and your Dad may change his mind. If you’re back in the lower 48 for the holidays, that could be a good time to talk with your family.