Post # 1
I’m thrilled to take this new job but now we’re having a really hard time figuring out where SO and I are going to live. We’ve been living together the past year and half way for us is a 40 minute drive each. That’s the nature of the area we live in but we’re having a hard time figuring out what our half way point is. There area few options which is a huge positive but we may have to be apart for longer than we’d like. I didn’t want to move again before being engaged and he’s going to have the ring made this week. He’s started referring to me as his fiance at professional events. Its going to happen very soon after he gets the ring because he can’t hide anything from me and is an awful liar/secret keepr. Sooo I’m fine moving in together before I he actually proposes. There’s a house we’d like to consider but its hard to consider because of the cost plus driving costs. I can live with my car for a couple more years but he only has a truck. When we’re at his parents this weekend, it feels like they’re livid I took the job (at SO’s direction) eventhough we made the decision together so I could get experience. Then its ‘well you might pinch pennies for a year but then you’ll have a wedding and get a lot of money from that’ and I’m like time out- my parents may not pay for a wedding since they’re paying A LOT for my brother’s which they didn’t think they’d have to, there may not be a wedding for us. Do they offer to foot it? No. Where the hell do they think we’re going to magically come up with the money for it after we put a downpayment on a house?
This is just so very frustrating.
Post # 3
1, 2, 3… Breathe
Looks like you have a lot on your plate / mind. And from what I can see much of it is in the WHAT IF category… in that you are worrying about stuff that hasn’t happened yet.
Just enjoy the moment… the precious time you have with your SO in the interim BEFORE he proposes.
Once that happens you can deal with the other stuff…
Moving In Together – Possibly Finding Somewhere Else to Live – Renting vs Buying – Drawing up a Realistic Budget – Saving Money – Making Wedding Plans etc
Honestly, at my age (I am over 50) I can tell you that life goes along too darn fast… don’t hurry it away
Enjoy what you have NOW… you know the Engagement is coming.
BUT this is lovey-dovey time too… and it will pass away far too soon. Embrace it, bathe in it… soak it all in. Don’t miss out.
Lol, it will sustain you in your old age.
Post # 4
I agree with PPs — don’t worry about things that haven’t happened yet. If your parents aren’t contributing, and neither are his, maybe you should consider a longer engagement so you can recoup some of the money you put down on the house, or cut back to have a smaller wedding.
Deep breath, and enjoy the time with your SO!
Post # 5
I’m trying to relax. SO is stressed about it and its making me stressed. The job is not drivable from where we live now so moving is a must and I start October 1. I’ll have to temporarily move in with my gparents since they’re 15 minutes from the place. I love my gparents so thats good haha. But SO can’t come because of where his job is located.
I have illustrated the dilemma. Our current place isn’t on the map. It is west of the edge.isn’t
Post # 6
Key didn’t come out well.
Red is SO’s jobPink is my to be jobGreen is where SO interviews todayBlue is where we’re considering (by his parents)Purple is another place that could work if he doesnt get the job but the traffic going up that route is awful.
Gray dots are snowbelt
Post # 7
The positive that I’m trying to focus on is that if SO gets this job at the green dot we can move to the blue dot because he’d have a 25 minute commute. I’d have a 30 minute commute. Not that bad at all. But he doesn’t really know anything about the job except what’s posted on their website- Professional Surveyor. I’m just really crossing my fingers he wants the job and gets the job. That will make life SOOO much easier right now.
Post # 8
There are sooo many ways to come to that determination…
Where is the “middle ground” (if being in the middle is important to both of you)
Who has the job that requires the most focus
Where is the best housing choices / availability
I know the state you are in and area … and realize that not all alternatives may be ideal in regards to driving … so this is something you will need to negotiate with your SO
Post # 9
@This Time Round: I figured someone would be able to figure it out but tried to hide it best I could haha
Right now my job is more important. The job I landed is in marketing and I haven’t been able to get into it since 2008 so its a realllllly big deal for me. Especially with the salary I’m getting in mind.
The best housing would be the blue dot. There’s currently a house up for sale that would need a lot of work but has the highest resale potential. Not to mention, if we end up preggers for whatever reason, his parents are down the street and neither work when we do. My parents would never be able to babysit for us. The cost of childcare alone would make the fixer worth it. That’s kidn of the train of though we have right now. But taxes on a 1.5 acre lot and association fees push us over the ‘we can totally afford this.’ The houses not on that lake don’t hold their value and sit on the market for well over a year before being sold. So if we moved once I have experience (to make more money), we’d probably end up with two mortgages….