(Closed) ugh I screwed up

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

Does he give you a timeline?  Is he receptive to the marriage idea?

If so, maybe you should back down a little.  And I am not sure giving him space is a good idea.  That sounds immature to me a little to be honest. I’m not trying to be mean, sorry if I sound that way.  But I think you should be strong enough to come up with other ‘waiting’ outlets, such as spinning class or gardening.  Taking off and going to your Mum’s is a bit ridiculous.

Post # 5
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Um, if it is your house, then he needs to be the one to stay somewhere else for a few days.  Not you.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Megan316: yeah, completely agree!  If it’s YOUR house, then HE needs to go elsewhere.  It sounds like he’s getting his cake and eating it too.  Perhaps after being told he’s gotta find a place to stay until he decides his position on marriage, he MIGHT decide what he really wants.

Also, it isn’t YOUR fault he slept through the alarm.  What if he’d done that while living elsewhere???  Or you were living elsewhere?  Just something to think on.

good luck, and… TAKE BACK YOUR HOUSE!!!!!!! 😉

Post # 6
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

whoops! double post!

Post # 7
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

No need to feel guilty that you want to get married. You  just may need to find another way to express it. You may also need to come to terms with the idea that he doesn’t want to get married and that you may have to let him go. I suggest you follow Mr. Bee’s plan.

Post # 8
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Have you discussed a timeline? If not then maybe having one will help you to calm down and you can work on your relationship during this time and find things to do to keep your mind off waiting.

But if HE is not budging on the marriage idea – the why to YOU have to leave YOUR house? If he is not giving you any answers and your relationship is strained because of this, then I think you should suggest to him that he find a place to stay until he is ready to give you some answers.

Post # 11
Member
6018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

oh geez, i had this same argument once with my ex. we stayed up late talking about where we were headed since we had been in a really bad rough patch at the time and the following morning he over slept (didnt wake up to the alarm). I even tried to wake him up and after trying the entire time I was getting myself ready for work (about 45 minutes) I gave up. He woke up as I was leaving and told me I just “let” him over sleep and that it was my fault he was so tired anyway and that I was basically the devil for not doing “my job” and waking him up since it was my fault we were up so late. Im sorry but no grown adult (unless its a medical condition or something) should blame anyone else for them over sleeping no matter what the reason was for staying up late. I would not feel bad at all. And as far as the leaving for a few nights, sorry but you are really going easy on him. He needs a reality check. He is, as someone else mentioned, kind of having his cake and eating it too. He is livin in YOUR HOUSE. if he wants the perks of that kind of arrangement he needs to be able to commit. I agree maybe some space might be good but HE needs to leave not you.

Post # 12
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hmm.  I guess I can see the bf’s perspective a bit more than the others do.  No, it’s not directly your fault he overslept (he turned off the alarm after all or somehow ignored it) and it *could* have been due to another reason BUT – it wasn’t due to another reason but due to your actions.  You timed a conversation very poorly so that he didn’t get much sleep and contributed to him getting in late to work when it’s important for him to be on time.  I don’t know how frequently you’re having these conversations with him, but from the tone of your email, it sounds pretty often.  I think you need to 1) back off and 2) time the conversations better.  You basically traded your marriage stress off for his job stress, which isn’t fair to him and frankly, doesn’t make for a good conversation when it’s late.

I’m also unclear what the purpose of going to your mom’s place is.  It sounds like it’s not to give you space to think (which makes sense) but it’s more to push him into proposing (which I don’t think will follow).  I’d take oneeleven’s suggestion, to take up some different outlet.

Post # 14
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Have you set your mental deadline date? The day that if things haven’t moved forward, you break up. No ultimatums, just the day that you know you have had enough. I think you will feel better when you have this date in mind.

Post # 15
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

@LucyLaLa:oh god I did that last night.  This site is really helping me cope, even though I just joined it today.  It’s nice to know that you aren’t crazy.  A lot of people feel the burning desire to wed just as you and I do.  I do. <— see, I typed that and totally noticed it right away because it had something to do with weddings.  It’s an obsession, ingrained in us from a young age.  Fight the pressure to bring it up.  I’m punishing myself with situps and rewarding myself with $2 in spa money for every day that I don’t talk about it.  I’ve gotta start somewhere, and staring at my empty hand feeling nothing but blame and resentment is no way to beeee 🙂

The topic ‘ugh I screwed up’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors