(Closed) Ugh. Men.

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

I feel your pain! There is always something in the way of marriage and the like. I think some people want everything to be perfect, worked out and in place before they make these huge decisions, but you come to a point when you realize that nothing will ever be perfectly worked out. Is it possible for him to request a transfer after you accept a full time position citing that he is engaged to you? It’s not like they would ask for him to prove he is engaged or anything, right? That way he can at least get that whole process underway in case it takes some time. Good luck!

Post # 4
577 posts
Busy bee

Poooo!!! Men. Some don’t always think about all the details that the future might need. It sounds like you two should have a serious chat about timelines. You shouldn’t have to rearrange your life or put it on hold. If he wants to plan the proposal that’s one thing, but you two should have equal involvement over big things like jobs and career paths. Especially in this economy where its harder to break into the market.

Good luck. Being a waiting bee certainly isn’t the easiest! Us fellow waiting bees are always here for a vent!

Post # 5
1357 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with PP. Agreement on careers and life plans are WAY more important than the element of surprise in a proposal. If you two are seriously considering spending the rest of your lives together, you should be making decisions together. Figure out how it would work if you accepted or if you didn’t. Be firm on the fact that you can’t give up a great opportunity for a ‘maybe’.

If you discuss it but cannot arrive at an acceptable compromise, I would suggest that you accept the position. Best case scenario, he will figure out how to move there (which he should in that case, considering that HE is the one making you wait). Worst case, you’ll just continue long distance until he is ready or until you get fed up, but at least you’ll have a great job.

I am sending over lots of internet hugs 🙂

Post # 6
210 posts
Helper bee

A few years ago I could have taken my ideal job in my ideal city, bit didn’t beause my long term boyfriend who I lived with didn’t want to move. We broke up a year later.

Have you really sat down an discussed the situation you are in? I mean he knows you like the job etc but does he know how much you would like to take the full time position if/when offered? If his job can move, then I agree with the others saying he should ask to be transferred.

Could you take a month or something off work between this contract and the start of the perm one to go stay with him and get the proposal?

Post # 7
8459 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I would jump on the career opportunity.  

If a man loves you & wants to marry you, he’ll move heaven & earth to make that happen.

Imagine the resentment you will feel if you pass up this opportunity & he still dithers around?

Post # 8
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@sassy411: +1

I don’t know that I’d personally have the strength to do that if I were you, but I think it’s the best option. Have you two talked about what state would be ideal to settle down in as a future married couple? That could add some weight to one side or the other as well.

Post # 9
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Could he get a job in that other state? Maybe he should check it out. 

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