- 6 years ago
I love my guy dearly, but he frustrates me to no end sometimes! Yesterday we were talking about our future, which we do all the time (we’re always talking about when we’re older, how he’ll teach the kids how to drive, do stuff with my son, etc) but half the time I can’t tell if he’s serious or not. I don’t think he realize that I DO take these things seriously…if you’re going to talk to me about when we’re in our 80s, I won’t take that lightly. Anyway, for some reason we got to talking about him moving in when his lease is up in December (whch we have talked about for a LONG time), and he said on his own accord “well, I’ve started leaving stuff here already and I guess i can start moving small stuff in”. Cue giddy me! He’s left some toiletries here, his whole playstation 3 for the kids (and bought them tons of games for it too), a couple t-shirts. He always buys me groceries because he eats here twice a week. So here I am on cloud nine, and then he said come august he’d have to make a decision. I was totally clueless and then finally figured it out…he meant about me. I was right too, because he nodded his head when I said “me?”. ugh.
So we’ll have been dating almost a year and then he’s going to make a yes or no decision about whether or not he wants to marry me? Shouldn’t he have figured that out already? I have kids, this isn’t something to take lightly! Granted, we have only been dating 8 months, but i’m almost 32, he’s almost 36 (a bachelor), and we’re perfect for each other. we bicker like every couple, but we really do have an amazing relationship. We’ve looked at rings, talked about weddings, and we’re planning a family trip to CA in november. I didn’t think too much of it at the time, but jokingly said to him that he has invested too much into this relationship and he’s not allowed to leave (seriously, i was joking and laughing when I said this).
But now I’m totally paranoid he’s going to do a complete 180 and decide he doesn’t want to marry me for some odd reason. And i can’t get it out of my mind! I don’t know if he meant it the way he did, because often he says things that confuse the heck out of me, but if he’s going to say “i’ll have to make a decision in august”, then that leads me to think I’m not good enough. How can you make such a quick decision? Or was he talking about whether or not it’d be time to start seriously moving stuff in?
I’m sure all of this is because of my fears of being left alone again, being a widow, but I don’t know how to get over the fear and not let it rule my day to day life. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, and now I’m afraid I wont be good enough for him to spend his life with 🙁 I don’t want to bring this up to him, because it is such a touchy subject for me, but it’s not something I know how to come to terms with either. Sorry if I’m a jumbled confusing mess.