(Closed) Ugh, Mom brought up best man's wife not coming to my shower, again

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sure that the situation literally has NOTHING to do with you. It’s easy to assume that (believe me, I know how that works) but it’s on her, not on you. The most obvious answer for her not offering an apology or explanation is because she’s embarassed. The next time you see her, you can say “I’m so glad to see you are doing well! I was worried after not seeing you at the shower and was hoping everything was ok.” Door is open for her to offer her excuses and you get some peace of mind.

Post # 5
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly, I think you need to stop beating yourself up about this….I read your PP, and you mention she has family in town-maybe things with them ran long? Yes, she should have called, or texted. That absolutely would have been the polite thing to do. But some people just don’t have manners and/or common sense. Simple as that.

I really don’t think this is a reflection on you. It is a reflection on her.

Going forward, be cordial, be polite….see how SHE acts when you see her next. She might apologize first thing and offer an explanation. It is possible that she’d rather discuss it in person.

Most of all though, STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP

Post # 6
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

@coffeegal85:  It’s so easy to assume that it’s something about you, but if you are grasping at straws to define what you could have possibly done to offend her…then it’s pretty safe to say you have done nothing to offend her! I’m sure that her excuse is one that’s pretty lame and she’s embarrassed to share it with you. Try not to get too upset about it and find out what the low-down on her not showing was before you drive yourself crazy thinking it’s your fault!

Post # 7
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@coffeegal85:  i just read that thread. that was 3 weeks ago… did you ever ask her what happened? if not, i really think you need to let it go. she is married to your FI’s best friend, she will be in your life for the foreseeable future. it was lame she was a no-show but the statute of limitations has passed on being mad about this.

 

ETA: i totally get being upset/feeling rejected or unimportant. but whats the use in wallowing in it? she hurt you by not coming, you chose not to say anything. you know to expect her flakiness now and maybe you dial your friendship down a bit. but youre getting married so soon. focus on how exciting that is, not this stupid girl πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@coffeegal85:  I know what you mean…it’s really disappointing to learn someone doesn’t care/put priority on you like you do them. I had a girlfriend who I thought was a very close friend completely bail on my birthday party a few years ago. We planned it all together (it was an 80’s theme), even went out and bought our outfits…the day of I was supposed to pick her up in the afternoon so we could get our nails done for the party and she never answered the phone, or my texts….the next time I saw her she never even mentioned it. She basically acte dlike my entire birthday never even happened. It really hurt. And I did the same as you: beat myself up, wondered what I did wrong, etc…

The fact of the matter is sometimes people just suck, ya know? Don’t let it be the focus of your shower! If she doesn’t see the value in you and your friendship it is HER loss.

Post # 11
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@coffeegal85:  I just read your other post about this and I get it.  I would be so upset.  Frankly, the fact that it cost $30 a plate is just icing on the pissed off cake.  This is so rude.  If something came up (doesn’t matter what it is), she should have called you to explain and apologize.  The responses from some of the people in the last thread really surprised me.  I mean, how would they feel honestly?  This whole “people have lives” bit to explain rude, anti-social behaviour is beyond me.  Anyway, that’s just me telling you that you have every right to be upset.  πŸ™‚

I would honestly say something.  Make it about the fact that you are concerned about her (as other people have said).  As far as you know, something did happen.  She SHOULD be put on the spot because if she did innocently forget, you should give her the opportunity to apologize. @MsMindle:  has a great suggested for wording and I would do it.

I remember this one time my parents were having a dinner party with our next door, very proper neighbours (my parents are very social) and, as it got to the point that they were over 2 hours late, my dad brought my sister and I into the room and said “watch what your mom does here and remember”.  My mom called our neighbours and said “We are concerned about you.  Is everything okay?”  All of a sudden, they remembered that they had missed the dinner and were mortified…which wasn’t the point.  The point was this was out of character.  My parents didn’t do it to be mean; they did it because they were concerned.  The next day, our neighbours sent flowers and an invitation for dinner.  πŸ™‚  They were at my wedding almost two years ago and are very very good friends to my parents.

That’s how you get over it.  You find out what happened.  If nothing was going on, you realise what kind of person you’re dealing with, put it in the back of your mind, and move on.  If she’s a good person, she’ll apologize profusely and you’ll be able to be friends again.  If she doesn’t…well…you know where you stand.

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