Post # 1
So, apparently the theme of my wedding is “whatever our parents want”. I feel like I am being railroaded left and right. A minor compromise here, a small change there, and suddenly our wedding looks nothing like what we had envisioned.
Well, this weekend we are going to visit my mom and see the reception venue we booked (I’ve been there, but my fi hasn’t since its several states away). My mom casually mentions that her friend’s son’s girlfriend is going to meet us there. And… but… whyyyy? Because my mom’s friend just looooves her, and she’s an interior designer! And she’s been on Property Brothers! sooo…. yea. I’m still not totally sure why my mom wants her there, but she seems absolutely convinced, after ALREADY TALKING TO THIS WOMAN, that it is a good idea for me to spend 1/10 of my budget on hiring an interior designer.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that the reception venue needs a lot of work. It was super cheap (think like, a really nice firehouse or VFW hall; but still a little nicer) and will require elbow grease to get wedding-ready. But I still don’t understand the role of an interior designer. This woman stages houses that are for sale. Is this a normal thing to hire someone like this? We already know how we want to decorate and have even talked to another couple we know who got married there recently about buying their decorations and linens from them to save on decorating– not paying $1000 for a decorator (who, again, I’m not totally sure why I would hire her as she stages houses) who will probably end up making me spend even more on decorating.
Okay, I know this just seems like a rant, but my questions are: is hiring an interior designer a normal thing for a wedding (I’ve never heard of it before)? How much should it cost? I don’t know this woman at all, but she seems to have inserted herself into my wedding– is this a good enough reason to demand that I not pay full price (assuming I am eventually bullied into hiring her)? Has anyone else hired someone like this? Is it worth it?
Am I crazyyy??
Post # 2
Who us paying for your wedding? If it”s your money please don’t let yourself be forced to have her.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
blac12 : I’ve never heard of hiring an interior decorator for a wedding. I have heard of a wedding coordinator hiring a consultant or farming out the design elements to a rental company, but as a part of their fees for coordinating.
I can’t think of any reason to hire one if you already have a vision and feel like you’ll be able to execute it successfully.
And, seriously. If your mother thinks her services are SO NECESSARY, she should offer to pay for it herself.
Post # 5
Does this interior designer even have experience with weddings? Or is she wanting to branch out in her career and your wedding would be her first? If you’re paying, just say no. I wouldn’t be happy with an unexpected third/fourth person showing up to see the venue anyway. Does your mother often make plans for you like this or is she paying/contributing toward the wedding?
Post # 6
Good point. It’s a long story, but basically my mom had intended to pay for the wedding with her inheritance, but the money she had set aside for this is caught up in a legal dispute with some of her cousins– and it has been for months at this point and won’t be available in time to actually pay for the wedding. I fully believe that if and when she gets this money will will give me a share of it, but I’m not depending on that money and I am attempting to fund this wedding entirely by myself (my fiance recently bought our house and his parents are covering the rehearsal dinner). So, in reality I am paying for the wedding, but my mom (is wonderful and has the best intentions) is sort of acting as if she is paying for it and I think it would be really hurtful to imply that she won’t ever actually have the money to pay me back. Im really trying not to rip off that scab…
Plus, I don’t think she up and decided we need an interior decorator on her own– I kind of feel like her friend/ the decorator weaseled her way in.
Post # 7
We had an event designer who was responsible for our flowers and everything else pertaining to decor.
Since you’re paying, I would just tell her you don’t need one.
Post # 8
I’ve never heard of an interior designer being hired for a wedding and frankly it seems kind of out of their scope of expertise.
Could you maybe just avoid committing to hiring while you’re physically with her (“Oh, Fiance and I need some time to think this over first”) and then after she’s gone you can just kinda hype up to your mom how excited you are about the design elements you’ve already decided on and while you know this woman would be fantastic at her job, your heart is just already set on the way you’d planned to decorate and you’d be a little heartbroken to hire someone else and have to change your vision? Like kinda play up the emotional aspect so (1) it’s harder for her to argue you into hiring her and (2) you don’t have to bring up the touchy financial side.
Because you’re smart not to rely on money from her. Even if she absolutely would hand over the money as soon as she had it, because it’s involved in a legal dispute, there’s no guarantee she’ll get it at all or that it won’t be majorly eaten into by legal fees if she does get it.
Post # 9
Your Mom can only bully you to the extent that you let her. Given that at the current time, your Mom is not paying for the wedding, it’s up to you to tell your Mom that you are happy to listen to her input, but that you will be making the decisions.
You live several states away. It’s not as if your Mom will be in your face every day if you tell her to back off a bit.
Post # 10
Do not let anyone bully you into spending money that won’t be easy to waste.
Find a way to tell your mom that you know she wanted to pay for it, but as of right now, when you are making the decisions re what to spend, the money isn’t available.
therefore it would not be prudent to count on it, so you will be only using things you know you can comfortably afford right now on your own.
Post # 11
Interior designer here.
So, if she inserted herself into this for money, and you don’t want her there, obviously tell her that, but if your hall is basically an empty room, an interior designer can work wonders on the space planning for your wedding. Please don’t confuse designers with decorators as others in this thread have, we designers know a lot about how a space should flow, accessibility, logistics lighting, sound, furniture, and yes, pretty design elements, so an interior designer is fully capable of designing your event, from how many tables, chairs, what sizes, what shapes, where, dancing area, lighting, linens, guest comfort, etc, etc. Is it necessary? Not really, you can always get the typical crowded tables, the table that ends with a view of the bathroom, the one that lands next to the speaker or whatever. Some non-designers have a better sense of how things flow than others and you may be one of them, but in my opinion hearing what she has to say at this point would benefit you more than hurt you. You can always just not hire her.
Post # 12
This would be a good time to put your foot down and not allow people to treat you like a pushover.
Post # 13
Say thank you for the consideration but you don’t need one.
Post # 14
one more for no way–that’d be an insane thing to do. Spending 1k on an interior designer (not even something most/any bride gets) for a 10k wedding is ridiculous. Spending 1k on a DOC (who will help with setup etc) on a 10k wedding makes way more sense.
I’d just tell mom — similar to what PP suggested — that unfortunately you have to book based on what you know 100% you’ll be able to pay when the bill is due (since most vendors want to be paid by the wedding date) and unfortunately you just don’t have enough to pay her. You can always throw in that when the inheritance frees up then you guys can re-visit this topic, if it’ll mollify her (and if you mean it)
Post # 15
blac12 : Sweetie, unless she’s an experienced WEDDING PLANNER…don’t let yourself get caught up. This is like asking the Dentist to remove your spleen! Anyhoo, cudo’s to you for not depending on your mother’s “inheritance”. You need to live your life that way. Another thing, If you don’t want to do something then dont’ do it. This is YOUR wedding, it needs to have YOUR vision and done YOUR way. It really is that simple. It gets complicated when you don’t stand your ground. So say NO when you need to. Trust me if you mom loves you, she’ll get over it. Let her huff & puff…..she’ll STILL get over it.