Ugh! mom hired designer for wedding. help!

posted 2 years ago in Decor
Post # 2
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Who us paying for your wedding? If it”s your money please don’t let yourself be forced to have her.

Post # 3
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

blac12 :  I’ve never heard of hiring an interior decorator for a wedding. I have heard of a wedding coordinator hiring a consultant or farming out the design elements to a rental company, but as a part of their fees for coordinating.

I can’t think of any reason to hire one if you already have a vision and feel like you’ll be able to execute it successfully. 

And, seriously. If your mother thinks her services are SO NECESSARY, she should offer to pay for it herself.

 

Post # 4
Member
4867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Who’s paying?

Post # 5
Member
30 posts
Newbee

Does this interior designer even have experience with weddings? Or is she wanting to branch out in her career and your wedding would be her first? If you’re paying, just say no. I wouldn’t be happy with an unexpected third/fourth person showing up to see the venue anyway. Does your mother often make plans for you like this or is she paying/contributing toward the wedding?

Post # 7
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

 Interior designer?

We had an event designer who was responsible for our flowers and everything else pertaining to decor.

Since you’re paying, I would just tell her you don’t need one.

Post # 8
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

I’ve never heard of an interior designer being hired for a wedding and frankly it seems kind of out of their scope of expertise. 

Could you maybe just avoid committing to hiring while you’re physically with her (“Oh, Fiance and I need some time to think this over first”) and then after she’s gone you can just kinda hype up to your mom how excited you are about the design elements you’ve already decided on and while you know this woman would be fantastic at her job, your heart is just already set on the way you’d planned to decorate and you’d be a little heartbroken to hire someone else and have to change your vision? Like kinda play up the emotional aspect so (1) it’s harder for her to argue you into hiring her and (2) you don’t have to bring up the touchy financial side. 

Because you’re smart not to rely on money from her. Even if she absolutely would hand over the money as soon as she had it, because it’s involved in a legal dispute, there’s no guarantee she’ll get it at all or that it won’t be majorly eaten into by legal fees if she does get it. 

Post # 9
Member
47175 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your Mom can only bully you to the extent that you let her. Given that at the current time, your Mom is not paying for the wedding, it’s up to you to tell your Mom that you are happy to listen to her input, but that you will be making the decisions.

You live several states away. It’s not as if your Mom will be in your face every day if you tell her to back off a bit.

Post # 10
Member
11858 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Do not let anyone bully you into spending money that won’t be easy to waste.

Find a way to tell your mom that you know she wanted to pay for it, but as of right now, when you are making the decisions re what to spend, the money isn’t available.

therefore it would not be prudent to count on it, so you will be only using things you know you can comfortably afford right now on your own. 

 

Post # 11
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

Interior designer here.

So, if she inserted herself into this for money, and you don’t want her there, obviously tell her that, but if your hall is basically an empty room, an interior designer can work wonders on the space planning for your wedding. Please don’t confuse designers with decorators as others in this thread have, we designers know a lot about how a space should flow, accessibility, logistics lighting, sound, furniture, and yes, pretty design elements, so an interior designer is fully capable of designing your event, from how many tables, chairs, what sizes, what shapes, where, dancing area, lighting, linens, guest comfort, etc, etc. Is it necessary? Not really, you can always get the typical crowded tables, the table that ends with a view of the bathroom, the one that lands next to the speaker or whatever. Some non-designers have a better sense of how things flow than others and you may be one of them, but in my opinion hearing what she has to say at this point would benefit you more than hurt you. You can always just not hire her.

 

Post # 12
Member
538 posts
Busy bee

This would be a good time to put your foot down and not allow people to treat you like a pushover.

Post # 13
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Say thank you for the consideration but you don’t need one. 

Post # 14
Member
9623 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

one more for no way–that’d be an insane thing to do.  Spending 1k on an interior designer (not even something most/any bride gets) for a 10k wedding is ridiculous.  Spending 1k on a DOC (who will help with setup etc) on a 10k wedding makes way more sense.

I’d just tell mom — similar to what PP suggested — that unfortunately you have to book based on what you know 100% you’ll be able to pay when the bill is due (since most vendors want to be paid by the wedding date) and unfortunately you just don’t have enough to pay her.  You can always throw in that when the inheritance frees up then you guys can re-visit this topic, if it’ll mollify her (and if you mean it)

Post # 15
Member
23 posts
Newbee

blac12 :  Sweetie, unless she’s an experienced WEDDING PLANNER…don’t let yourself get caught up.  This is like asking the Dentist to remove your spleen!  Anyhoo, cudo’s to you for not depending on your mother’s “inheritance”.  You need to live your life that way.  Another thing, If you don’t want to do something then dont’ do it.  This is YOUR wedding, it needs to have YOUR vision and done YOUR way.  It really is that simple.  It gets complicated when you don’t stand your ground.  So say NO when you need to.  Trust me if you mom loves you, she’ll get over it.  Let her huff & puff…..she’ll STILL get over it.

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