- 6 years ago
Hi Bees – I made use of this board when planning my wedding a few years ago and the advice was great then!
I need some advice now. I am now the Maid/Matron of Honor for my good friend. The problem is I live on the other side of the country, and I moved here since my wedding a few years ago. My friend was my Maid/Matron of Honor. She did some things well and some things pretty badly. It took me some time to move past many of her infractions. In any event, I offered many months ago to contribute to her shower. I would send out the invites and contribute some other items to the shower. The total of my contribution to the shower would be about $100 total in value and of course several hours of my time with invites and other activities. I had presumed that myself along with the local bridesmaids and the bride’s mom and grooms mom were all co-hosts. I started to get organized with the invites and the bride and I exchanged a few emails. The bride then told me in an email to say “x and y are the hosts of the shower” in the invites. x and y are her mom and the grooms mom. The groom’s mom is providing her house for the shower, but I have to say I am totally insulted. I feel tossed aside.
For my shower I never thought of specifying who was hosting. My mom, my Maid/Matron of Honor and her mom all contributed fairly equally. Everyone presumed that my Maid/Matron of Honor was the host and the moms stepped back to let that happen. I don’t expect to be the presumed host of the shower, I am after all thousands of miles away, but I thought with my contribution and status of Maid/Matron of Honor I was at least a co-host. Guess not.
So now I don’t know what to do??? I am hurt, but I understand that I’m not there in person. I think it is insulting to be told I’m not the host but to ask me to insert who is in the invite! The invite I made, wrote out, etc.
Should I just back out graciously and let the moms shine as hosts, and as a result not contribute to the shower or do the invites? Or should I just suck it up and be the Maid/Matron of Honor who prepares and mails the invite to a shower I have clearly been told I am not a host or co-host of …..???