(Closed) UGH! SO tired of waiting, any ladies in the same boat?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

First off welcome to the Bee!  To be honest with you, I didn’t deal well with this whole waiting thing until I discovered these boards.  It’s a great place to let out your frustrations and vent and get inspiration for being patient 🙂

It sounds like you and your SO are very committed to each other already and it’s great that you’ve had the engagement/ring talk already.  Finances are the rate-limiting-step in the whole engagement process (at least it is for most of us on here).  Maybe you can agree on a smaller/less expensive ring for now and upgrade once you both have stable income?  I’ve seen so many drop-dead gorgeous rings on here that were more than affordable in my opinion.  You just have to do your research! 

Post # 4
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Welcome!!! – and yes I am tired of waiting too, but it is a completely normal feeling, alongside being excited, disappointed, surprised etc

Waiting is a rollercoaster of emotions but we all know we are on the right track 🙂

Post # 5
1274 posts
Bumble bee

Waiting is super tough sometimes, but venting on this board helps especially when you can’t vent to SO.  These ladies are awesome!

As the above poster stated it is a rollercoaster of emotions! I’m completely in the middle of it right now and I’m not sure when my “waiting” is going to end.  

I also wanted to state that I understand what you are going through with the stable income thing, my SO lost his job last November and has been struggling to find work.  Right now he’s got temporary employment which will hopefully become permanent but it sure put a wrinkle in some of our plans!


Post # 6
272 posts
Helper bee

Welcome, glad you’ve found the Bee!  I’m fairly new here as well, and it’s the best ‘therapy’ I’ve found.  Waiting is absolute torture- I’ve been waiting for almost 3 years. I have ups and downs, I know that my SO wants to marry me, but for us right now it seems we are waiting for the stars to align in our favor. We’ve been on a financial rollercoaster pretty much our entire relationship, dealing with ‘speed bumps’ all along the way involving our jobs, school, appliances and vehicles that have needed work or needed replacing. My SO wants to ask me to marry him, but he refuses to do so without a ring, so here I wait, and wait, and wait, until we can avoid financial blows long enough for him to be able to save up.  Some days I feel like it is just around the corner, and others I feel like it is never going to happen. On those days the Bee really helps!

Post # 7
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I understand how you feel.  The idea of marriage is more exciting than the wedding to me, as well.  At the year and a half mark, I was ready to be engaged, too.  I’m generally in the 2 year camp, but have had to throw this out the window for the sake of staying with the man I love; it’s been 2 1/2 years now.  :/  The last year has had a lot of sucky moments.   The man’s in his 30s, most of his friends are married and having kids, and he has a good job; what’s he waiting for?!


One thing I did notice was that you said you want a 1 ct diamond ring w/diamond band.  Unless there’s a family stone, it’s going to take a while to save up for a ring like that.  A good quality stone will be in the thousands.  If he’s set on getting you that dream ring, it might delay your engagement a bit more than the 6 months – 1 year.  You could get the same look for much less with an option like moissanite (with Mira/Amora now, you can get a beautiful, clear, 1 carat stone for only hundreds), or go for a smaller diamond if you don’t want to worry about this.


While a year and a half is a good point to know when you want to spend your life with someone, it’s not that long in the scheme of things.  It seems like the love and commitment are there, but the time isn’t right yet.  That’s great – at least he’s on board and wants to marry you.  


I don’t know if he’s said this, but there’s going to be tremendous pressure on him to provide for you.  While waiting’s tough for you, he knows that he’s going to be the one bringing home the bacon.  Sometimes we get so caught up in waiting we forget to acknowledge this.  One snag I’ve hit in my relationship was that my boyfriend began to grow resentful of the fact that all the financial pressure is on him.  It never occurred to me that he’d feel that way until he told me.  I’ve spent the last year in school and have chosen a field that doesn’t make much money, so he knows that the bulk of our income will be on him.  I only bring this up because with you in school, your boyfriend may be in a similar situation, and being understanding of this can save you problems down the road.


To answer your question on how we’ve dealt with waiting, I’ve dealt with it poorly.  Have you read Mr. Bee’s suggestions on waiting?  It’s got some good advice.  The investing in yourself bit is the biggest gem in it.  I wish I’d learned to follow his advice sooner.  School is stressful enough, and waiting can make things that much tougher.  The timing really doesn’t sound right for you guys right now, so for now just enjoy your relationship.  You know the proposal’s coming, just not yet.  That already puts you in a better position than lots of other waiting bees.  I hope my rambling’s been helpful!  lol.

And sorry, didn’t mean to write a novel.  Embarassed

Post # 8
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Lol your situation is similar to mine – my SO and I have been together for approximately a year and a half and I’m also planning on getting my doctorate which puts me in an awkward financial state where I need to work without putting my studies in jeopardy. We’re waiting to get engaged next year after we both graduate and even though next year is almost here, a part of me wants it NOW NOW NOW!! I just want to make it “official”, in the eyes of GOd and the law, something that we both already know and want – and that is to spend our lives together.

WeddingBee has been great at providing a healthy avenue for my wedding/marriage obsession lol. That and pininterest. Both are so addictive. I’m trying not to constantly talk about things with him and my friends because I don’t want them to be sick of it before we even get engaged lol. Hang in there, realize that the emotions you’re feeling re waiting are normal and others here have/are experiencing them too. And if you need to vent, we’re all ears… well eyes 😀

Post # 9
2689 posts
Sugar bee

Yep. I understand the job situation, I do, but I’m just tired at this point.


Post # 10
24 posts

I hear ya. I’ve been with my guy for 3.5 years now, and although I know it is coming, it doesnt seem to be soon enough. And I truly could care less about the wedding. In my opinion it would be more romantic to elope.

Post # 11
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@ccaaseyy: Welcome to the bee! My SO and I have been together for a little over a year and a half, and we’re in the same situation: we absolutely know we want to get married and have a family, and I am so so tired of waiting! He had a proposal planned and it got derailed so now I have to wait even longer while he comes up with another idea… and he’s taking his sweet time about it! But it’s good that you’re here, because the waiting boards can be so helpful when you get frustrated or upset about waiting 🙂

Post # 12
80 posts
Worker bee

Patience is a virtue……BUT, I hate the waiting too  🙂

I know where you are coming from, we’ve established that marriage is going to happen, and I just want to be with him.  We are in an LDR, and I’m pretty open about moving to be with him, but I won’t without a ring.  He has said that he would love it to finally end the LDR, but he hasn’t proposed!  It gets frustrating, but I know going to bed (alone most nights) that he does love me, he does want to be with me, but he takes time and is horrible at planning ahead.  

Hang in there, try not to think about it and enjoy dating him.  We are here for you!

Post # 13
107 posts
Blushing bee

@ccaaseyy: my SO is applying for police officer positions as well! and we have been dating just under 2 years. he is very stressed about getting a job right away, etc. we haven’t exactly set a timeline, but when his police acadmey friends said he should get me a(n engagement) ring for our 2 year, he said he wouldn’t because he doesn’t have a job yet. so I know that is a major part of my waiting process. i’ll be graduating college in 6 months, so i’m trying to get my own career in line. it’s such a stressful time for both of us, but…

i just want to be his fiance…

i don’t have any advice as for how to deal with the waiting other than 1. try to limit how ofetn you come to weddingbee, it can make you crazy! and 2. try not to overanalyze everything.

easier said than done, i know.

Post # 15
46 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

The waiting sucks indeed, but sometimes when you are not upset about waiting it gives you time to reflect on, wow!, spending forever with someone, and do I really want to be with this guy, YES!!! So the waiting game is ok for now as long as it is not forever… anyway christmas is right around the corner, so hopefully many of us will be engaged by then. : )


Post # 15
11 posts

This is an old post but I’m in this boat with you ladies.  2 1/2  years, ups and downs in his life, financial ups and downs amd we are months away from my “propose by deadline”.  I want more.  I love him but my patience is constantly tested.  He says he wants to give a proper ring but I don’t care anymore.  I’d definitely elope or do a courthouse wedding.  I hate empty promises and day dreaming about us being married.

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