Yep I am in this situation now.
SO does not want to get engaged until he finishes school. He said this at 27 and I was okay with waiting…now I’m almost 31 and I’m still okay with waiting.
It wasn’t easy–30 was HARD!! We thought he was going to graduate a year ago, then he would get a job and propose….then he got delayed with his research, his advisor changed schools (to a different state!), and things just haven’t gone our way.
I wasted a year of my life being miserable and wanted to just LEAVE the relationship.
But, that wouldn’t be fair. SO has worked his whole life to achieve his personal goal, and part of loving him is accepting this as well. I’m fortunate I suppose-SO does say he wants to marry me and has from day one. When he kept getting delayed, he kept telling me the timeline was going to be postponed…I went through the 5 stages of grief!
Denial-This can’t be happening to me. 30 and unmarried??! Are you effing kidding me?!?!
Anger-Fights with SO, guilting him, making him feel like crap because I wasn’t get married on my timeline! I was a bad person/girlfriend for a while
Bargaining-Maybe if we just get engaged NOW, we can plan for the wedding later?!
Depression-I spent most of 30 laying low and being depressed. Hated my life. Did not celebrate my Bday-had friends calling me and asking why they didn’t get an invite to my party/dinner (ummmmm cause I didn’t have one!)
I hope that you can find it in you to get to this last stage. I wasted a year, not kidding a friggin’ YEAR of my life being depressed with what I didn’t have.
It’s like this–DO you love your guy? Waiting another 3-5 years when you are only 25 is not that big of a deal.
On the flip side….if you do not love your guy enough to wait (and this is totally okay!)…don’t waste time treading water! Go out and find Mr. Right!
I know your pain…If you love your SO and can learn to just trust in the fact that your future will be okay and you two will get married, 3-5 years more is not that long to wait. And it would be better for him to finish school, get the right job, and then be able to ENJOY your special day and your future.