Post # 1
So FH and I got in a fight this morning. I’m trying to start a private practice in the spring, and I have been collecting a lot of supplies and books and materials for this – which he has griped about me taking up space. Then when I told him I would need some more space in the office, he acted like that was a ridiculous idea and mentioned that I could use my desk in the geust bedroom…which is covered in wedding crap, and also, would not be enough space. That was a month ago. Then, on gchat, I calmly explained why I would nee more space and he agreed, and I thought everything was fine – until today.
He came back from a bike ride and I was upstairs organizing the office. He asked what I was doing and I told him “cleaning out my closet and organizing all the materials for my business.” Then I suggested maybe he do the same, bc we have both accumulated a lot of stuff over the years. Then he complained that I had an attitude, and the argument escalated from there. Now we’re not speaking.
There are like a million factors-
I feel like I work all the time in my career and in our home, and have all these ideas for the future, whereas he is unhappy in his job but does nothing about it. I also think he is resentful that my career is so successful (although not financially really, yet). I feel like on the weekends I bust my ass doing laundry, taking care of the house, and doing wedding stuff, and he sits around playing video games and watching football. I feel like when I ask him to do something nicely, he ignores me, so then days/months/years later I explode and then I have an “attitude.”
It’s not that he is lazy, he has a full time job and does well at it, and he always does certain chores around the house. I’m not like, Miss Cleanliness myself. It just seems like he is on the one hand encouraging me to do this business and on the other hand resensting me and also like, making it harder for me. Ugh. I don’t know, I’m just really upset.
Post # 3
Ugh that’s so tough. What about his job doesn’t he like? Is there any way that you can put feelers out with your contacts to get him a new position that he might like better? If he wouldn’t even follow through on that, you two need to have a serious talk, sinc ehe can’t sit around all the time while you are busting your butt.
Post # 4
I think he just doesn’t feel inspired about his job. He used to work on political campaigns and it was a lot of work but always exciting…now he is in state government and it’s kind of depressing and boring, but the hours are better. Also, I think he has this idea that weekends are for relaxing, which yes is true, but weekends are also for getting crap done around the house.
Also, I think I am feeling pressure coming from all sides bc we are both 30, and will be 31 when we get married, and I’m trying to start this practice and plan a wedding and save money for our future children…and he seems to be relaxing and kind of on auto pilot.
Post # 5
People have different thresholds of “get-this-done-now!” For me, not having a clean fork is plenty of incentive to wash all the dishes… for him it’s incentive to wash a fork. Often, not always, women are the ones who feel less tolerance for the state of the home, partly becuase if a house is messy, it reflects more on the woman. That said, you should not feel on a regular basis that you are doing far more in the home / for the home than he. Maybe if he’s the major bread-winner, he feels that IS his contribution to the home – it’s still a prevalent attitude for many men. Or, maybe if he is disheartened at work, he really DOES just need some time to veg around the house. Maybe you are both stressed right now, and need to take a break if possible from as much as possilbe. I’ve also found that asking him to clean things out for a trip to Goodwill does me no good… so I just clean out my own stuff, marvel at the neatness of my closet and tell him when I’m dropping things off if he has anything ready, and then go do it regardless of whether he’s gotten anything prepared or not. Eventually, he cleans out his stuff and I’ll usually have a new batch by then to go drop off (losing/gaining/losing weight = bad for closet/wallet, but good for Goodwill). 😛