(Closed) Ugh… Terrible night

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@NEYbee: I’m sorry 🙁 it sounds like you are going through a difficult time! May I ask how long you have been together? Sometimes the pressure of getting engaged is enough to stop a guy from getting engaged! My husband explained to me that there is a lot going on and its a really big thing to do. There is ring shopping and many guys want their ring to be the best it can be for their future wife. In addition to ring shopping there is the whole planning of the proposal which can be time consuming, expensive, nerve wracking. There is also the chance that the woman will say no – my husband said he was nervous about this even though we had been together almost 4 years and had talked about marriage many times! He was a nervous wreck!!! Lastly, guys know that things will change once they get engaged. The relatoinship does not stay the exact same and Im sure there is some anxiety that comes along with that!

I hope you are able to have peace of mind that it will happen when the time is right and once you are engaged you will look back at this time and wish  you could go back to the anticipation phase! Good luck 🙂

Post # 4
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@NEYbee:I love this man and I probably will contitue to wait and wait for him, but tonight I don’t know how much more waiting I can take.

Tell him exactly what you said here. I hope you start to feel better, I know how hard it can be.

Post # 5
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@NEYbee: I don’t know how into diamonds you are as a couple, but have you looked at non diamond stones such as asha, moissanite, white sapphire, ect?

You just need to be honest with him and tell him how you feel. Let him know it’s not about the size to you and he shouldn’t feel pressured by other people to get you the biggest stone in the world.

Post # 6
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Back in 2007 my FH lost his job; a week before he was going to buy me a ring and propose (with his tax return). Needless to say, we were in survival-mode at that point and not thinking of getting me a ring. Thankfully, he found work eventually and we got engaged in 2009. FH would peridically mention that he wanted to get me the ring that I “deserved”.

Post # 7
33 posts
  • Wedding: September 2011

Why don’t you talk to him about how you are feeling? Am I missing something? You keep saying you’re not talking to him about it, even though he keeps bringing it up. He’s not bringing it up to try to annoy you. He’s bringing it up to fish for information on how you feel about the whole situation. Guys really aren’t that complicated or vindictive. I say talk to him. If you really love him and he really loves you and you both really want to get married then nothing should stop you, especially not a silly ring. I’m more of a low key gal and I insisted that my fiance not get me a big expensive ring. He ended up spending more money than I thought he should of, but he explained it to me like this… He had the money (didn’t go into debt over it) and he wanted to get me something really nice. I honestly would have been satisfied with a plain band. If the ring doesn’t matter to you just tell him. Communication is key to a healthy relationship and marriage. Best of luck to you!

Post # 8
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think the comments on how expensive the rings are is a mild passive agressive kind of tantrum – not trying to be rude – my guy does similar things when a Kay Jewler commercial comes on “Look – its a rock, but we say it’s rare so give us lots of money for it” 

If you haven’t, maybe if you took a few minutes and made a quick “wishlist” (you can do it on Amazon as a private list with their universai button – it lets you add items from anywhere on the web – love it) of rings you like in what you think is a respectable price range, styles, colors and so on, email it to him/print it out, and say, you don’t care what toher people ahve bought, that’st hem this is what you like and would be happy with – if he can find it cheaper all the better.  Throw in simulants, other less pricey gemstone – whatever strikes your fancy.  He might think that ALL women want a 5 CT perfect diamond from only Tiffany’s in the most expensive metal and will be happy with nothing less.  If you think you can do this for him, let him know what you’d be happy with and that it’s not something crazy or out of reach, his attitude might change.  A TV might look like a more affordable purchase if he’s been looking in all the super expensive places. 

Once you hand him your list and tell him calmly how you feel about the ring vs. the marraige (and I say marraige, not wedding) DON’T mention it at all unless he point blank asks.  You said your piece at that point, you’ve communicated what YOU expect, not some other girl whose guy might be abel to afford a different price range. 

If he’s gettign sticker shock looking at rings, it’s probably a big discouragement to him, so he might be kinda retreating right now and thinking of a “comfort” purchase like a TV, which I’m sure he thinks you’ll enjoy just as much as him :P, might just be a coping measure.

(now, if only I had the guts to send MY wishlist to MY Boyfriend or Best Friend :P)

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