Post # 1
So the last few nights, Boyfriend or Best Friend has been coming home talking about how his manager has been giving him advice about rings and marriage. He’s been talking about it a lot more lately, which makes it hard to NOT talk about getting engaged. I’ve been trying reallyyyyy hard not to bring it up! Tonight, he got on the computer and brought up some ring websites. He then proceeded to complain about how much ring settings and the diamonds are. Yes, they are expensive, but I do not care how big it is. I just want to marry this man. This is the same man that was suppose to propose back in Feb, (Yes, NINE months ago!!!) but put it off because one of our friends got engaged with a rather large diamond and he suddenly felt the ring he was going to buy me “wasn’t good enough.” Mind you, this is sweet of him, but I don’t care about the size! It could be fake for all I care, I just want a commitment and to be happy. Earlier tonight, I went and purchased a bridesmaid dress for a friends wedding, I think this is why I was in a bitchy mood tonight. He just struck a nerve, I feel like he’s just making excuses as to why we are not getting engaged. (You know, the whole “actions speak louder than words?”) He says it’s too expensive, but he’s talking about buying a new big screen tv on black friday. Ugh… I don’t think he will but do you see my point? I’ve made it very clear that I don’t care about the ring. I just want to marry him. He got mad at me tonight because “All I care about is getting engaged and he’s not being fast enough for me so if that’s all that matters then whatever… I’m going to bed.” I know he just worked 16 hours today and I was being bitchy, but he better be trying to throw me off! Cuz otherwise, I feel like I’m just wasting my time. I love this man and I probably will contitue to wait and wait for him, but tonight I don’t know how much more waiting I can take. I know tomorrow will be better, but I just needed to vent! Ugh…. the joys of waiting.
Post # 3
@NEYbee: I’m sorry 🙁 it sounds like you are going through a difficult time! May I ask how long you have been together? Sometimes the pressure of getting engaged is enough to stop a guy from getting engaged! My husband explained to me that there is a lot going on and its a really big thing to do. There is ring shopping and many guys want their ring to be the best it can be for their future wife. In addition to ring shopping there is the whole planning of the proposal which can be time consuming, expensive, nerve wracking. There is also the chance that the woman will say no – my husband said he was nervous about this even though we had been together almost 4 years and had talked about marriage many times! He was a nervous wreck!!! Lastly, guys know that things will change once they get engaged. The relatoinship does not stay the exact same and Im sure there is some anxiety that comes along with that!
I hope you are able to have peace of mind that it will happen when the time is right and once you are engaged you will look back at this time and wish you could go back to the anticipation phase! Good luck 🙂
Post # 4
@NEYbee:I love this man and I probably will contitue to wait and wait for him, but tonight I don’t know how much more waiting I can take.
Tell him exactly what you said here. I hope you start to feel better, I know how hard it can be.
Post # 5
@NEYbee: I don’t know how into diamonds you are as a couple, but have you looked at non diamond stones such as asha, moissanite, white sapphire, ect?
You just need to be honest with him and tell him how you feel. Let him know it’s not about the size to you and he shouldn’t feel pressured by other people to get you the biggest stone in the world.
Post # 6
Back in 2007 my FH lost his job; a week before he was going to buy me a ring and propose (with his tax return). Needless to say, we were in survival-mode at that point and not thinking of getting me a ring. Thankfully, he found work eventually and we got engaged in 2009. FH would peridically mention that he wanted to get me the ring that I “deserved”.
Post # 7
Why don’t you talk to him about how you are feeling? Am I missing something? You keep saying you’re not talking to him about it, even though he keeps bringing it up. He’s not bringing it up to try to annoy you. He’s bringing it up to fish for information on how you feel about the whole situation. Guys really aren’t that complicated or vindictive. I say talk to him. If you really love him and he really loves you and you both really want to get married then nothing should stop you, especially not a silly ring. I’m more of a low key gal and I insisted that my fiance not get me a big expensive ring. He ended up spending more money than I thought he should of, but he explained it to me like this… He had the money (didn’t go into debt over it) and he wanted to get me something really nice. I honestly would have been satisfied with a plain band. If the ring doesn’t matter to you just tell him. Communication is key to a healthy relationship and marriage. Best of luck to you!
Post # 8
I think the comments on how expensive the rings are is a mild passive agressive kind of tantrum – not trying to be rude – my guy does similar things when a Kay Jewler commercial comes on “Look – its a rock, but we say it’s rare so give us lots of money for it”
If you haven’t, maybe if you took a few minutes and made a quick “wishlist” (you can do it on Amazon as a private list with their universai button – it lets you add items from anywhere on the web – love it) of rings you like in what you think is a respectable price range, styles, colors and so on, email it to him/print it out, and say, you don’t care what toher people ahve bought, that’st hem this is what you like and would be happy with – if he can find it cheaper all the better. Throw in simulants, other less pricey gemstone – whatever strikes your fancy. He might think that ALL women want a 5 CT perfect diamond from only Tiffany’s in the most expensive metal and will be happy with nothing less. If you think you can do this for him, let him know what you’d be happy with and that it’s not something crazy or out of reach, his attitude might change. A TV might look like a more affordable purchase if he’s been looking in all the super expensive places.
Once you hand him your list and tell him calmly how you feel about the ring vs. the marraige (and I say marraige, not wedding) DON’T mention it at all unless he point blank asks. You said your piece at that point, you’ve communicated what YOU expect, not some other girl whose guy might be abel to afford a different price range.
If he’s gettign sticker shock looking at rings, it’s probably a big discouragement to him, so he might be kinda retreating right now and thinking of a “comfort” purchase like a TV, which I’m sure he thinks you’ll enjoy just as much as him :P, might just be a coping measure.
(now, if only I had the guts to send MY wishlist to MY Boyfriend or Best Friend :P)
Post # 9
Thanks for the advice ladies, I was just having a bad night. We have talked about marriage and how I feel about the ring. We have gone ring shopping together and have made it clear to him that I don’t care about the ring, I just want to marry him. I am not focused on the wedding, because we have talked about eloping, so there might not even be a wedding! We have been together for almost 4 years and have been living together for 2 1/2 years.. So I am ready to make that step. We have a very open relationship and he knows I am. The reason I have been trying not to bring up anything about marriage/engagement unless he does because I do not want him to feel pressured, I know that is not a good thing to do. I think it was just a bad night all together. I am glad I have a place like this to vent to! Thanks again ladies!