(Closed) ugh, that hurt! my fault!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Blue Hound Farm

I’d be hurt about that too. I’m sorry

Post # 3
Member
774 posts
Busy bee

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zippy85:  When he was asking other people to join, did you say “Hey let’s just let this be the two of us. I would love the time just with you!” ? If not, you should absolutely make your feelings known next time and see how he reacts!

Post # 4
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’ve been in the second situation before, where they are calling around to get joiners and you are all like: whats wrong with just us? it sucks! if it is still bothering you, maybe bring it up casually. my way of doing things is making a joke about it, but thats just our dynamic to break the ice if we were bothered by something the other did. sorry youre feeling hurt. It will happen when you least expect it!

Post # 5
Member
6943 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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zippy85:  This basically happened to me last year. We went for a weekend trip to Milwaukee (we live in Chicago) and I thought this would be the perfect time for him to propose since it’d just be us and he was planning the WHOLE weekend (I usually do the planning but this was a special present for me from him). So I really did think he was going to propose. I got my hair cut and dyed like 2 weeks before, went to get my nails done, all that stuff. Then that weekend…nothing. Not to say the weekend wasn’t lovely but I seriously got my hopes up and was pretty disappointed when we came home. 

This year we did another weekend trip to a small Wisconsin town (another trip that he was planning all by himself) but I made sure I didn’t get my hopes up this time. I didn’t do my nails, nothing. And guess what? He proposed! I was so surprised and it was wonderful! 

It’s very hard not to get your hopes up sometimes but if you two communicate and are on the same page then I wouldn’t worry too much. It’ll happen. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
11392 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

My Fiance sometimes forgets the just us thing too. It sucks! But I have had success by telling him in advance how we need to fill the love tank with some special alone time. He responds to that enthusiastically and plans stuff then. He seems to go through phases where he forgets and then remembers. MEN! 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
788 posts
Busy bee

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zippy85:  My SO will do that too…any plans we make he’s always trying to get more people to join. I try not to let it bother me though. I know he loves to spend time with me and there is never a hesitation when I ask if he wants to do something. He is just a lot more social than I am. When I would prefer time along (just us two) he loves the crowd setting.

The only time it really bothered me was my birthday in March. He said he was going to take me out on a date night for dinner. He kept bugging me all day about where I wanted to go. Eventually I asked what the big deal was, that I just wanted to wait and see what sounded good at dinner time. He was like, I invited my parents and your friend and her daughter (her daughter was just under a year). I really was not excited. While I love his parents and my friend and her baby…that was just not what I expected for my birthday dinner.

I’ve yet to get my hopes up about a proposal at any weekend plans or trip. I always think…what if?! But I have known not to get my hopes up because I think we’re about a year possibly off from a proposal. But I can understand you feeling hurt! I’m NOT looking forward to a trip I think it might happen to have it not…it’s bound to happen at some point, but I really hope I don’t have to experience it!

Post # 8
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry.  I can’t relate as my Boyfriend or Best Friend is a fairly sensitive and romantic guy…

I would say speak up about it, but more of an inquiry and in a lighthearted manner.  There might be an explanation on why he wants people to join you guys or something. 

Post # 9
Member
5783 posts
Bee Keeper

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swirlyclover86:  “I’m sorry. I can’t relate as my Boyfriend or Best Friend is a fairly sensitive and romantic guy…” Ugh, seriously? Not ugh @ your bf being sensitive and romantic, that’s terrific, but major ugh @ you smugly and very unhelpfully starting out your post with this.

View original reply
zippy85:  ((((hugs)))) falling into that trap, your bad- but been there, done that, it’s human. him glued to his phone like that, his bad. I hope you spoke up about it. It’s fine to want to plan a get together, but he should have been more focused on you and your time together.

p.s. I may be totally off base here- but were you within earshot for all of these calls? Is it out of character for him to be on his phone so much when you’re away somewhere? Maybe there was more going on behind the scenes, like maybe he *was* planning something but then it turned out not to be do-able and so now he’s busily coming up with a new plan?

Post # 10
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Did you tell him how you felt about just having the time together? Or did you keep it to yourself?

Post # 11
Member
834 posts
Busy bee

@ cucumberroll +1  if it was hurtful, you should have definitely said, “hey, that kind of hurt my feelings because I thought we would have a romantic weekend, just us”. 

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