Post # 1
Let’s start at the top. This weekend was my first wedding dress shopping experiance. Booking a reception hall and picking a date was a nightmare– we decided on June 9, 2012 finally. Now that we have a ceremony site & reception hall I can go dress shopping and actually have set plans and feel secure, right?…WRONG. I got engaged in September 2010, my cousin just got engaged 2-3 months ago. She had messaged me on Facebook (Yes, facebook– jerk move but whatever) and Congradulated us and asked me about wedding plans. Well I told her what I knew at the time– Summer 2012. So once she got engaged I messaged her also asking about their plans..no response. I messaged her once we had a date, no response. Keep in mind, we’re about 7 months apart in age and everything has also been shared since we’re the same age, and we were never really close because a compitition with my family is not what I want. Well I just think it’s odd she never responded on Facebook because she’s on everyday, so I asked my Mom last month if she heard anything about that wedding. And she hasn’t. So we went dress shopping Saturday and had a great day and a great weekend in Chicago. As I’m packing to leave to drive to St. Louis my Mom finds out from one of my uncles my cousin is getting married JUNE 8TH IN VEGAS. I’m furious. I feel we should have had better communication as we share my Mom’s side of the family. My uncle says he doesn’t know if he can afford to go– WHY do they all know and not my parents, were they not invited?
I’m just so freaking mad, I drove home angry. I yelled at my fiance when I got home because he said we should just move ours. My Dad says he’s not changing anything since we had ours set first. My sister’s respone is to go kick her ass. I just don’t know what to do anymore!
Post # 3
@Kristyn02: Regardless of how long after you she was engaged she can pick whatever date she wants wherever she wants. Yes it might be inconvieinent for some guests being invited to both weddings but in the end you can’t control it and your guests will have to choose. As far as you questioning your parents not being invited…her wedding isn’t until June 2012 so assuming they aren’t invited at this point in time is a bit ridiculous.
Post # 4
I don’t think you should worry about whether your parents are invited because the date is so far out, but I do understand your being frustrated at your cousin choosing a date so extremely close to yours. I know other posters will probably tell you she has a right to do what she wants, but it would have been nice of her as your cousin to actually take into consideration when your date was if she was going to ask you in the first place. It sounds like a lot of people won’t be going because of the traveling expenses, so maybe it won’t affect your wedding anyways. I would just continue with your plans and not worry about it. Don’t vent to her or anyone in your family or it will just start drama; come to us here on WB if you need to spout off. 😛
Post # 5
That’s kind of crappy. I feel like I would be upset in that situation, too. Especially since you’ve been trying to communicate with her and especially since your date is the day after. I know that she can choose whatever date she wants, but that doesn’t mean what she did wasn’t rude. Because it is.
Don’t let it bother you, though. Yes, your family will have to choose but so be it. There really isn’t anything you can do about it. And your parents were probably the last to find out because her family was embarassed to call and tell them the date considering your date is literally the next day. I’m sure they’re invited but of course they won’t go. Don’t move you date and don’t freak out. It’s out of your hands so just go with the flow and plan YOUR wedding!
Post # 6
Wait, so… you told her your date, and then found out that her date was the day before yours? Are you certain she chose her date after you chose yours? If she set her date after you set yours, then she’s a serious brat for trying to upstage you like that. If she set hers before you set yours… well, she might be having the same exact feeling you’re having now. Who knows? You should try to talk to her.
Post # 7
@HeyKaraoke: IF they choose that date it was before they were engaged, because ours was set before the engagement. It’s been posted all over Facebook, the knot page I post everyday– there’s no way they didn’t know. I think I’m just hurt because I assumed we’d plan around each other so we could try to attend each others but that is clearly not the case. Not to mention I want our wedding days to be about us as individuals, I don’t want them to be grouped together to force people to choose between to 2 but so be it because I cannot change my date with my venue. I called just to see and they are booked through June and July next year.
@JM1217: Yes thank you, I’m just breathing through it all. There is nothing I can really do at this point and writing it all out helped a great deal. My parents and sisters know, but I’m just going to keep on like nothing, and get my Save the dates out ASAP– maybe a bitch move, but oh well at this point!
Post # 8
@Kristyn02: Ohh, I understand now. Thanks for the clarification. If it were me, I wouldn’t change my date. It’s set and your venue is booked up and who knows how far back you’d have to move it? It would throw off all your planning. Your cousin made her decision, and it was an inconsiderate one, but I think all you can do now is just accept it and refocus on your wedding. :/
Post # 9
Its unfortunate but its not the end of your world. Really, in two years it won’t matter. You did the generous thing of sharing your details but she wasn’t as thoughtful. I understand your frustration, but is out of your control. All you need to worry about now is having a beautiful wedding and sharing your day with the guests who can be there.
Post # 10
I’ll be honest, I would probably change it just to spare myself all the grief I know I’d get and how hard a time I would have with the whole thing, especially once the date gets closer. I’d be incredibly angry and probably confront my cousin, but change it so people could actually attend. But if I were you I would totally call and ask her why they chose that date, and why she couldn’t tell you herself instead of having you be blindsided about it by another relative??
Oh, and I’m assumign that your cousin is having an actual weding in Vegad and not eloping or something, right?
Post # 11
@Kristyn02: YES! Get those Save the Date’s out SOON! Like this week! Get a friend to take some cute pictures of you and get moving on it. Yes, bitch move I guess, but if I found out someone had done what she did, I would do it. Oh, and send them to all family members, in town and out, just to make sure 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 12
OMG I would be so mad! You have every right to be pissed!
Post # 13
I completely understand. Keep in mind, though, that maybe that date has special meaning for them.
This might happen even if the dates weren’t so close together. My cousin in England is getting married a month after me, and all of our European family members are probably just going to go to hers and skip mine now. Nonetheless, I wouldn’t want to rain on her parade, just like she wouldn’t want to on mine. I say proceed as you’d like, and get those Save-The-Date Cards out!
Post # 14
@Kristyn02:i agree with your sister…GO KICK HER ASS!!! Just kidding;-) if she is going to Vegas is she just having like a small ceremony…Vegas is kind of expensive to have your family fly out there. I know either way her mom and dad and probably the grandparents would still want to be at both and to fly to Vegas for a day for her wedding and then flying back the same day or next day for yours doesn’t make sense…this is a tough one…Sorry you have to go through this.like someone else said get your save the dates out and get the ball rolling on your end…you know what i take it back GO KICK HER ASS!!!
Post # 15
I am aware that the general opinion on this type of thing is that you only get one day and this other bride can choose what she wants when she wants. that general “rule” aside, this is a crappy move on her part IMO. If this were a friend or something I might feel differently. A big part of having a wedding celebration is having your family there and those close to you no? so if that is the case why would you do something that is going to make it a hard choice for your family when it comes to being able to make it to your day?. I just do not get it. You do as a bride, get only one day. But when its family, out of respect not just for the other bride but for your entire family that you share why not try if possible to pick a day thats not going to make things harder or awkward? it is possible and the fact that she chose literally a day before her cousin’s date is just crappy. Can she do it technically? sure. But should she? its just not very nice or considerate. I probably am in the minority in feeling this way but I agree and think you have a right to be annoyed. I would however, try and figure out a way to either be calm about it and accept that this is the situation now or if its possible move your date? Either way, Im sorry you are dealing with this situation now and I hope it all works out for you 🙂