- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
It’s my first post on this site!
I could use some advice/guidance on a fairly sensitive topic. Pre-nups.
My deployed fiance and I will be married this year. He’s been in Afghanistan for nearly a year, and is coming home in a few weeks. Tueday night he sprung the notion of a pre nup on me. I have said to him in the past that I do not believe in them unless there are truly extenuating circumstances which require one. We do not have extenuating circumstances.
He thinks it’s important to have one in place. I asked him (twice, during the convo ) “will you marry me without a pre nup?”, he would not answer. I feel offended and upset. To me, it strikes me how little he thinks of my character that I would “attack” him in divorce court for his assets, should the worst ever occur. I would do no such thing.
He’s concerned about safeguarding his military pension, in the event of a divorce. While I understand that, my counterpoint is that I am giving up a well-paying job in a niche industry, that likely won’t “travel” well when we move outside of DC. Our salaries and retirement assets are roughly equivalent. We own no property (individually or together), and have no kids.
If we did pursue a pre-nup, I would have to ensure that the forfeit of my potential earned income and retirement are well-stipulated. But given this, it seems to make the notion of a pre-nup void in our case. Right?
By marrying him, I understand that my career path and earning potential may be stymied when we move at the behest of his career. Honestly, I don’t care about that – I just want to marry the man I love. If I stay at home with our (future) kids, then my career path is further thwarted. I know that sounds cold and calculating, but honestly, this whole pre nup thing strikes me as cold.
I want a life with him and a family, but I am likely sacrificing my career to make this happen with him. He wants to stay in the military, and therefore it is his career that we will be primarily supporting, with mine as an after-thought.
I’m happy to let go of my career (or slow it down) for the sake of our potential family, but this talk of a pre nup has me really worried. Given the equivalency of our finances and benefits, his request for a pre-nup seems moot, Am I off-base?
I’m in my mid 30’s, he’s in his early 40’s. I was married once when I was in my early 20’s for a short time, which resulted in an amicable split and easy divorce (ie nothing was contested and I didn’t ask for a thing). My fiance has never been married.
Thank you for reading!