Thanks so much for the helpful replies and for laying out the pros and cons!
Talked to Fiance today. I told him I was against signing one, even if the pre-nup was arranged in a mutually beneficial way.
To me, it implies lack of confidence in the marriage and fosters a sense of distrust. Not to mention that Fiance was the one who initiated it, and thus I would spend the rest of my life always wondering why he needed an exit strategy. I know some don’t agree with my POV, and Fiance certainly didn’t!
I asked him why he felt it was necessary to sign a pre-nup, and among the many reasons he cited, he included trust issues as being key (he was burned in a previous r’ship). I do understand how past r’ships can affect our outlook on the present/future. I suggested that perhaps the right thing to do is to first work on his trust issues, in order to build a stronger relationship between us. He half-heartedly agreed, but said he still wanted to puruse a pre-nup.
I’m not a slacker, lol. I’m bringing a savings account, retirement account, good salary, and a great credit score into this marriage. He can have it all. I am willing to do all of this without a pre-nup, including sacrificing my career and benefits. I understand that he’s bringing assets to the table too. What concerns me is that we don’t view this important topic in even remotely the same light and I’m now wondering if perhaps our marriage values are imbalanced.
To me, marriage is about sharing, and being willing to share everything with him. Yes, divorce can happen, but frankly I’d rather deal with the situation if it comes to pass, as opposed to having an ominous piece of paper itemizing our “walk-away pay” in case of divorce.
So here’s where we are: I told him I could not sign a pre-nup because I don’t believe in them and they reek of lack of confidence (my opinion). He wants us to walk through a “pre-nup exercise” whereby we PRETEND like we’re getting one. That way, he can determine if in fact he needs to get one. Knowing that I won’t sign one, he admits that he’ll have to make the decision that if the “price isn’t right”, we can’t get married.
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.