(Closed) Ugh with a major *sigh*

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I had kind of a similar situation with my Future Mother-In-Law. Neither my Fiance or I are very religious (neither is his family which was a bit more aggravating) so we decided to get married by a Justice of the Peace in the same location as the reception. When we told my future in-laws she was not thrilled with the idea and kept asking "And you feel comfortable not getting married in a church? You’re okay with that? Can I ask why?" I finally politley told her that I was not very religious and as far as I could tell neither was her son. It was a decision that we made together and we are very comfortable with it. I also told her that I would be more uncomfortable having it in a church given that I haven’t been in one in years and that I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable on my wedding day. If anyone had any real troubles with that they didn’t need to attend.

 I felt nervous having to lay down the line with her but the bottom line is that it’s your day and you need to do what you want. In the end, she came around and is excited about all our plans. Just give your Future Mother-In-Law some more time to adjust and she’ll probably come around too.

Post # 4
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh honey been there done that. That place is really cool. I got some grief because I’m getting married at a plantation home by a pastor, but not "in" a church. Some people feel that it "doesn’t count" unfortunately but that’s just the dumbest thing ever. We don’t belong to one, so we felt it was hypocritical of us to suddenly have to be in a church. Plus, all that counseling, etc, was not up my alley. Future Mother-In-Law isn’t paying, is she? Probably not. So basically I think she can bugger off since this is what you and your Fiance wants and she needs to respect your wishes. It isn’t her wedding. You getting married in a church vs. somewhere pretty doesn’t change your marriage. Plus, you’ve already found a gorgeous venue. It simply doesn’t matter if you’re IN a church because your vows can be as religious as you want them to be, if you feel the desire to incorporate prayers and readings, etc. We’re doing that, but we’re doing the more general ones that don’t include me "obeying" him or being "weaker" than him or anything that implies I’m subservient and some of that. We picked out a few nice things for our pastor to say but we aren’t too far off the beaten path. I didn’t want anything "too" religious because we don’t go to church regularly and we’re more spiritual than religious. Our relationship was not founded with the cornerstones of churches and whatnot, so why would it suddenly now be a requirement? And she needs to knwo that. IF that’s your reasoning. That was mine, and people didn’t push me once I brought it up. Anyways, I hear ya. Yes, it’s going to be harder on your two elderly grandmas, but you’ll just have to have some strong men help them up!

Next time she brings it up, just tell her that you’d rather get married at a gorgeous venue than a place that you and your Fiance don’t worship at regularly, and you’re having a "real" priest anyways, so your ceremony and vows will reflect all that.Or, spin the "affordable" option since church weddings ARE typically more expensive than combined ceremony/reception locations. 

Post # 5
898 posts
Busy bee

For some people, nothing but a church is good enough. I can understand being worried about no elevator, but I’m sure someone wouldn’t mind helping grandmas for the evening.

My explanation for those who criticize my plans for non-church wedding is…"You don’t have to be in a church to be in the presence of God". If that doesn’t work, then oh well. I think that when the time gets closer, she’ll just have to accept it.

By The Way…Pemberville Opera House is beautiful! I love that it’s historic but it’s been restored so well!  

Post # 6
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

pretty opera house; I say stick with your guns she’ll get over it its your wedding

Post # 7
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

If it’s a Christian religion, you can quote, "Where ever two or more are gathered in my name, I will be there."  (I’m not sure I have the exact wording right, but she is being legalistic.

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