(Closed) ugh…BM drama. Advice?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s your responsibility to tell people they ARE in the bridal party-not that they aren’t unless they ask you directly about it. Don’t  be bullied into things you don’t want to do. It’s her problem, not yours. 

Post # 4
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would just announce who my bridal party was in some way. Like make a facebook post that says, “Only 12 months left before the wedding and I’ve alrady got my 4 corners–that is the girls responsible for carrying the stretcher down the aisle if I pass out before the wedding. Love you guys “MOH” “F1” “F2” “S”….”

You know something light but that still makes the point clear.

I think it’s way more insulting to be called and told you are NOT a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 5
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you want to include her in some way, ask her to read something during your ceremony, man the guest book, be an usher, etc.  That should make it pretty clear that she’s not a bridesmaid.  Do not say anything to her about not being a bridesmaid unless she specifically asks you, and only you.  Doesn’t matter how dramatic she’s being about it, it’s not your responsibility to make sure her feelings aren’t hurt. 

Post # 6
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think it would be awkward to phone someone to tell them that they were not invited to be part of the bridal party – kinda like phoning people that are not invited to attend

Post # 8
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@LovesToPlan: I would not go directly to her and tell her she isn’t in the wedding party unless she comes to you.  But if she wants to know if shes a Bridesmaid or Best Man she can ask your other friend or just wait until its close enough to your wedding to realize she isn’t one.  If you want to give her another job, that would be a nice indirect way of telling her.

I had a situation where FBIL’s Girlfriend was asking around to see if she would be a Bridesmaid or Best Man (and never in a million years did I ever consider her) so FH just asked his brother one day if his Girlfriend was asking.  He said she was asking and did want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, so FH just told him that we wanted a small wedding party and it was already set – left it at that.

I’m sure her feelings are hurt because she has basically avoided me at all costs since then (almost 3 months ago) but we were never close to begin with (hence why she wasn’t chosen to be a BM).  We just don’t talk about the BMs (or even the wedding) at all around her.


Post # 9
2135 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had an issue similar to this. However, please DO NOT do what I did (cave, and make her a bridesmaid). I regret asking her, and  you will too if she or anyone else pressures you to do so.

Post # 11
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

ugh I guess you’re glad she’s not a bridesmaid then! What a drama queen. Idk if I’d ever talk to someone again if they stormed out of Starbucks on me!

Post # 13
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@LovesToPlan: I’m with PinkMagnolia! Can you imagine what kind of Bridesmaid or Best Man she would be if she did this just b/c you didn’t choose her as a BM?

Did you ever write back to the email? I would either ignore it or write back something simple like, “Sorry you feel this way. I didn’t think I had to call every one of my closest friends and explain to them why I didn’t choose them as a bridesmaid.” Even using eloping’s comment about how it would be like calling every person you aren’t able to invite and explaining the same thing. 

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