Post # 1
ok, so i am posting under a different name so i can vent. i really want to keep my “real” profile happy and no drama associated that any one of friends can come across one day!
i have a friend getting married 3 days after me at the same destination/resort. she only is getting married because i am. she is my bridesmaid and her and her b-f decided to get married because they were going to be there for my wedding anyway. they did ask me first and i said yes because i was not thinking about the planning/details/possibilities/what this would really mean…if i could go back in time and say “i am not sure that would be such a great idea” i would. but i cant and i am trying to be happy and deal with it and not let it affect anything with regards to how i plan or enjoy my wedding.
but now i feel like i can’t even talk to her about my wedding AT ALL to her because everything i say i am doing, she decides to do the same thing!! as if having the same venue is not making our weddings identical enough. it is so frustrating! i know i have to keep my mouth shut, but it is hard when we are talking casually. we are 2 brides with our weddings at the same time/ same place and in each others weddings! it naturally comes up in conversation and i am finding a pattern of telling her what i am doing (something big or small) and before i know it, she is doing it too! it is frustrating me and taking the fun out of my planning!! and making me more irritated that she is even having her wedding 3 days after mine!
thanks for letting me get that off my chest. any validation of my feelings would be appreciated! or if you think i am being a selfish freak, i can handle hearing that too!
Post # 3
You are a much bigger person than I am. I know we only get ‘one day’ but doing it at the same place/resort as I am within 3 days would have gotten a “Um, I don’t think that’s a good idea” even though the evil witch in me would have let her do it 3 days AFTER me *snickers*
Post # 4
I just think you are a great friend for not having blown up at her already. I don’t know if I could stand it, and I hate confrontation, but when it comes to your wedding which is supposed to be uniquely you and about you… Well, just some of that glam is being taken away. Just focus on your own wedding and try not to share too many more specific details with her if possible so you can at least salvage a little bit of your personality in it.
Post # 5
hmm… that’s tough.
Maybe talk to her about purposely trying to make your weddings different. I’m sure if she thinks about it, she’ll want her wedding to be somewhat original as you do.
Or maybe you just have such fabulous ideas that anybody would be tempted to copy 🙂
Post # 6
You have done better than I would so far.
Repeat after me”We haven’t made a decison about that yet”
Post # 7
i did that tonight and that’s when i got more frustrated. i tried to make it seem for her benefit too. i said something like “i don’t think we should tell each other every details of what we are doing so we can be sure to have different stuff” and she said something she doesnt think our weddings will be that different anyway since its at the same place and that even if i tell her stuff, it doesn’t necessarily
mean she is going to do it too! i don’t think she has realized there are lot of DIY things u can do and bring to a destination wedding…but is it my job to inform of how she could plan her wedding? i don’t think so!!!
i think what got me more frustrated was her reaction when i told her i decided to have a private reception (instead of the semi-private free one). she was like “you ARE?” because i had previously told her something else before. but i honestly changed my mind since i got more into my planning and thought about what i really wanted and evaluated my budget…..i decided this a while ago with Fiance (the only person i thought i had to discuss it with!)….then she was like “so you are doing that AND the party on the beach after?” and i was like “um, ya i think so”. so now it sounds she might change her wedding dinner plans to match mine! which i think is so stupid. i am doing my best to make decisions for what I want and what i can afford. And yes, since i know her wedding is THREE days after mine, i am planning to DIY some decorations and favors and i just don’t plan to tell her. already i told her i am ordering matching colored ties for the GMs to wear to match the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. as soon as i told her she was like “oh i am going to do that too!” and i honestly don’t care about the ties, it was just another irritating moment. i know its a common thing to be done…it just made me think, what else will she have that reaction for?
i don’t even think my ideas are that fabulous (well maybe i mean i don’t think they are that extravagent or ultra unique), i get a lot from wedding bee or just googling….which she is fully capable of doing too!
Post # 8
Are many people attending both weddings? As long as yours is first, you will get the credit
Post # 9
thanks! i like that phrase. after the dinner reception thing, i sort of retracted and said “well it depends how many guests we have, i’ll see what i can afford”
Post # 10
we have 2 overlapping BMs and one of my other BMs is also her guest. so 3 total. i know, not a big deal. i have just been holding this in for so long (well i have vented to my poor FI!), so i needed to let it out elsewhere.
Post # 11
I totally understand!! We have a group of friends of 18, I know big group.. but everyone dates everyone. there are 9 girls and 9 guys. So anyways 4 of the guys in our group want to propose. but shockingly none of them have. I’ve been engaged since June and none of the other guys want to ask their girls b/c they think it’ll take away our “spot light” now i’ve told every single one of them thats crazy b/c if you do that then one of them will be waiting for 4 years once we all get married. So I know one is proposing in January (3 months before our wedding) then another I think is going to do it like 2 weeks after our wedding. Funny part is. Were getting married april 16. another couple is getting married may 15 (they just got engaged last night) and then ANOTHER couple is getting married may 28th. apparently we started a trend or something but since all of our engagements are apart it hasnt bothered me at all. and all of the girls and guys are all in our wedding. Now I would TOTALLY be careful on not giving out details of your wedding.I’ve had a friend do that already too and I was NOT happy even though my wedding is first out of “the group” Its hard not to share details but I try to share them to the girls that arent engaged yet because well they’ll be getting married obviously way after me. If you really want to make sure she doesnt copy you.. tell her things you totally wouldnt go for. its kinda mean but hey keeps your wedding to being YOUR wedding and not YA’LLS wedding lol
Post # 12
Unfortunately you already agreed to it, so there’s not much you can do now.
Post # 13
thanks for the advice. i don’t think i need to go to the extreme of lying to her about my details (although your idea made me chuckle). i just have to keep my mouth shut. the whole thing makes me a bit sad too, because i wish we could be more excited for each other. but i don’t feel it for her or from her.
i am not sure what you mean by this comment? i know i can’t do anything about her wedding because i agreed to it. i accepted that a while ago. my post was about venting my frustrations that even though i am trying to come up with unique details or even the general idea of what i am doing for my reception (because even at the same resort, reception plans CAN significantly vary), i feel my friend has been having this tendency to decide to do exactly what i am doing and it really bothers me! i want my wedding to be as unique and special as possible. and so i got frustrated tonight from the way she reacted when i told her my dinner reception plans. she sounded like she was bothered by it. and i won’t be surprised if she decided to do the same thing now! Of course i admit i could simply be paranoid about this – but she has already decided to have the same after dinner party as me, the same idea to match Groomsmen ties to Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses (i actually don’t care), and has decided to get a cake for her bridal shower that is the same theme as mine. like i told her what mine was because i was excited and now she is having it too!
Post # 14
i agree with Jules advice. don’t tell you made decisions on anything. that is pretty sucky! i wouldn’e even want my wedding to be similar to someone’s to begin with.
Post # 15
hey bees. my frustration comes and goes. i have seen some posts lately about the idea of destination weddings being considered “selfish”. and i realize i may have become a little selfish since i got so caught up in the planning.
i am now focusing on being happy that i am getting to my marry my FI! (which is obviously the most important thing!) my attitude when i said yes to my friend doing her wedding 3 days later was “my wedding is only one day, people are free to do what they want the rest of the week!”