Post # 1
I invited a close girlfriend over tonight for drinks at my house. She asked if she should invite her new-ish Boyfriend or Best Friend. I said my preference was ‘no’ – stating that I wanted to catch up with her and, more specifically, get the scoop on him.
I’ve seen her once since the wedding and during that time did some catching up… but haven’t been able to connect since.
When I told Darling Husband about it – he said I should have invited the BF!
I told him I didn’t want to spend time getting to know him better, when I feel like I haven’t had a chance to connect with my friend.
So – now I’m feeling like a heel.
We’ve always been pretty open with each other about inviting boys or not. I guess I’m feeling guilty since Darling Husband will be there and I told her not to invite him. Although, on the other hand, it’s not uncommon for her to come over and just hang out with the two of us…
Do I suck as much as I think I do over this?
Post # 3
eh dont beat yourself up… i would say the same thing 🙂
Post # 4
If I were you since you told her not to bring her Boyfriend or Best Friend I would hang out without your Darling Husband, especially since your reasoning is to reconnect, and personally I can’t reconnect with my girls when my fi is around. Yeah, we have fun, but it isn’t like heart-to-heart or anything.
Post # 5
Suck? Nah, I don’t think you suck.
But I do think that Darling Husband has a point–if you bill this time as “girl time” it really should be just you and her, no Darling Husband. So maybe move your tete a tete to a nearby bar or something. OR bribe Darling Husband to get out of the house. Plus, recognize that she was probably really excited for you to meet new BF–she might appreciate you setting up a double-date sometime in the near future.
Post # 6
Sometimes I feel the same way, my best friend brings her husband everywhere and sometimes it annoys me b/c we can’t ever just catch up like we used to be able to. Me and my Fiance spend tons of time together, but we both take time with our friends to reconnect.
Post # 7
No – I think you just went with your initial reaction about wanting to catch up with your friend. Maybe you could still do that and invite the new bf over to hang out with your DH? You could call her up again and just mention that Darling Husband will be home and didn’t want to listen to all the girl talk, so she should bring her bf and the boys can hang out too. It’s up to you, but I don’t think you intentionally meant to exclude the new bf, so no you don’t suck as much as you think you do!
Post # 8
i think if your husband was there you should have invited her bf. she probably doesn’t still want to be third wheel to you two now that she has a bf.
Post # 9
I agree with @mandamack. If you told her you don’t want her to bring her guy, then you shouldn’t have your guy around. The status of the relationship makes no difference. I think it’s totally fine that you told her you wanted it to be just her so you could catch up with her. I don’t think it’s fine if you said that and then your husband plans to spend the evening with you ladies also.
Post # 10
@kitzy: Yep. Were you going to be with Darling Husband when she comes? I don’t like hanging with my friends when my guy is there because I can’t get ‘real’ if you know what I mean? I’m always going to know he’s there. And yeah, there’s the time for hanging out with my friends and their SO but when we want to do some serious catching up, all ‘XY’s’ are out!!
Post # 11
i wouldn’t worry about it. if you want to catch up with her, then do that. you can always schedule a dinner or a night out for drinks to get to know her new bf.
Post # 13
Not that big of a deal — you could have always invited her over for pre-dinner cocktails and had him come for dinner afterwards though! She probably just wanted to show him off and hope that you four could do some couple-ish things together…. if you are open about saying yes or no to boys then I’m sure she doesn’t care!
Post # 14
I dont think you’re out of line at all!
But while she’s over (after you’ve gotten the scoop on her new guy), set up a double date with you and your Darling Husband and her and her new bf. Then she still gets the chance to introduce him to you and you still get to catch up just girl-to-girl.
Post # 15
Thanks, hive. I appreciate the feedback. DH isn’t going to hang out with us very long, if any – probably make us food and then head to bed. She works late, so it’s a later night thing, tonight. And, I have met her Boyfriend or Best Friend on 3 different occasions – at our Rehearsal Dinner event, at our wedding and at another close friend’s b’day (a dinner party of 8). Granted, no way to really get to know him well at the wedding events and we sat on opposite sides of the table at the b’day dinner. There’s going to be another similar sized b’day dinner next weekend where he will be at… but, just wanted to clarify – since this isn’t ‘meet my new bf’ type of a thing, but get to know my ‘bf’.
Post # 16
I think since she suggested bringing her Boyfriend or Best Friend, you probably should have just said yes, but it’s not rude or out of line to say no. You’re allowed to have girl time! Maybe when she comes over apologize and explain it’s nothing against the Boyfriend or Best Friend and you regretted telling her no, so next time she should def bring him.