(Closed) Uh-Oh…received and engagement gift from a NON invited person!!!!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

that sucks, are you having a b-list?  if so after a guest says no, definitely send her an invite… that really sucks 🙁

Post # 4
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I had the same thing happen with one of my fiance’s distant great aunts. We ended up inviting her just to save us the trouble of dealing with it. We’re also having a small wedding, and I know that the rest of the distant relatives are going to be pissed off about not being invited, and I just didn’t feel like dealing with it. 

Post # 6
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

the stds are a new phenomenon, i definitely wouldn’t worry about that. over half of my chicago family that is invited hasn’t gotten one yet lol!!! because my dad hasn’t gotten their email addresses, that’s another story though.

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i wouldn’t worry about it, if you’re not close enough to even think about putting her on the invite list, don’t do it just because she sent you a present. that was very nice and thoughtful of her, but that doesn’t mean that she needs to be at your wedding. give her a thank you note and be done with it.

 we have a good family friend (who was actually my preschool teacher, so we’ve known her since i was in preschool and stayed friends that long) who we decided that we just weren’t going to invite. my family really likes her, but we’re having a very small wedding and you have to cut the list somewhere! her daughter is also getting married-my parents were invited- and my mom and she were talking about the weddings so my mom explained our situation to her. she understood, and ended up sending me $100 for an engagement present. yes, i feel bad that we can’t invite her, and of course i didn’t expect a gift at all, let alone such a large one, but like i said, you have to cut the list somewhere!

Post # 8
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

So many people will RSVP “no” that if you have a B-list, I’d just put her on it.  Then when you receive your first “no” you can send her one!

Post # 9
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Accept it graciously with a heartfelt thank you note and move on. You are not required to send them an invite, especially if you had no intentions of doing so from the beginning. Tacking people onto the guestlist at the last minute out of obligation (aka B lists) are one of the reasons that weddings become so expensive when they don’t have to be. If this person was important enough to you to invite in the first place, they would already have an invite at this point. Don’t cave into pressure to invite this person if you’re not close to them or don’t have room or finances to cover them.

Post # 11
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@jackie-o – maybe she’s not expecting an invite? Since it was an engagement gifts, maybe she just wanted to send a “congratulations” present. I would just send her a nice thank you note, but not add her to the invite list.

Post # 12
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

just b/c she sent a gift doesn’t mean she expects an invite, you don’t know that. She was very thoughtful and sent you a gift.. so send her a thoughtful thank you card back! maybe you guys will become closer, and if so, invite her! if not, don’t worry about it. Some people are gifty, it’s ok 🙂

Post # 13
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think since its just a friend and not someone actually related to you. You can simply call her and thank her for the gift and apoligize sincerly that you are having a very intimate wedding with family and that you wont be able to have her there. She should understand and if she dosen’t she’s selfish. Yeah it sucks. I had a coworker/friend who actually invited a few of her friends and me to her bachelorette party and wedding shower and not the actually wedding! I was a little upset by that, but then again your not suppose to invite people to those things if your not inviting them to the wedding. But she never mentioned she was not going to invite us and I never brought it up because what good would that do? Just be nice about it.

Post # 14
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I don’t think you need to invite her.  A thank you was appropriate, but I don’t think you need to worry about adding her to the list. 

Post # 15
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

you definitely dont need to apologize or explain anything to her.  totally agree with melissabegins—it was very sweet and thoughtful of her, and you should be sure to tell her so in a lovely thank you note.  you DO owe her that much, but like others said–she may not even be expecting an invite!  just thank her sincerely and then dont worry about it  😉

Post # 16
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

How did she find our about your engagement? Just through facebook or something?

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