Post # 1
What do I do???
Over the weekend Fiance and I received an engagement gift from a high school friend of mine. I went to boarding school and haven’t been back to visit in about 7 years. This past summer Fiance and I went to visit and this friends happens to live in the area so we stopped by to say hi. Well as I already mentioned this weekend we opened a beautiful engagement gift from her. We are having a small wedding 100-120 max, and she isn’t on the invite list. The thing I feel most guilty about is that having her on the guest list was never a thought – – and now since she sent us a gift I feel as though we need to include her!!!
Please help – – what’s the proper etiquette in the scenario? Today I sent her a votive candle (from my work) and a thank you card that Fiance and I both wrote in….
Post # 3
that sucks, are you having a b-list? if so after a guest says no, definitely send her an invite… that really sucks 🙁
Post # 4
I had the same thing happen with one of my fiance’s distant great aunts. We ended up inviting her just to save us the trouble of dealing with it. We’re also having a small wedding, and I know that the rest of the distant relatives are going to be pissed off about not being invited, and I just didn’t feel like dealing with it.
Post # 5
And the STD part??? Aren’t I to send those out to everyone who is invited? Do I just not send her one?
Ugh this makes my head hurt…
Post # 6
the stds are a new phenomenon, i definitely wouldn’t worry about that. over half of my chicago family that is invited hasn’t gotten one yet lol!!! because my dad hasn’t gotten their email addresses, that’s another story though.
Post # 7
i wouldn’t worry about it, if you’re not close enough to even think about putting her on the invite list, don’t do it just because she sent you a present. that was very nice and thoughtful of her, but that doesn’t mean that she needs to be at your wedding. give her a thank you note and be done with it.
we have a good family friend (who was actually my preschool teacher, so we’ve known her since i was in preschool and stayed friends that long) who we decided that we just weren’t going to invite. my family really likes her, but we’re having a very small wedding and you have to cut the list somewhere! her daughter is also getting married-my parents were invited- and my mom and she were talking about the weddings so my mom explained our situation to her. she understood, and ended up sending me $100 for an engagement present. yes, i feel bad that we can’t invite her, and of course i didn’t expect a gift at all, let alone such a large one, but like i said, you have to cut the list somewhere!
Post # 8
So many people will RSVP “no” that if you have a B-list, I’d just put her on it. Then when you receive your first “no” you can send her one!
Post # 9
Accept it graciously with a heartfelt thank you note and move on. You are not required to send them an invite, especially if you had no intentions of doing so from the beginning. Tacking people onto the guestlist at the last minute out of obligation (aka B lists) are one of the reasons that weddings become so expensive when they don’t have to be. If this person was important enough to you to invite in the first place, they would already have an invite at this point. Don’t cave into pressure to invite this person if you’re not close to them or don’t have room or finances to cover them.
Post # 10
@artbee – – this is what i needed to read, thank you!
@Ember78 – – thank you, its exactly how I felt.
I don’t have a B list nor do I really want to make one or worry about having one…As I mentioned aleady, this hurts my head, makes me sad, and fills me with guilt emotions…
Post # 11
@jackie-o – maybe she’s not expecting an invite? Since it was an engagement gifts, maybe she just wanted to send a “congratulations” present. I would just send her a nice thank you note, but not add her to the invite list.
Post # 12
just b/c she sent a gift doesn’t mean she expects an invite, you don’t know that. She was very thoughtful and sent you a gift.. so send her a thoughtful thank you card back! maybe you guys will become closer, and if so, invite her! if not, don’t worry about it. Some people are gifty, it’s ok 🙂
Post # 13
I think since its just a friend and not someone actually related to you. You can simply call her and thank her for the gift and apoligize sincerly that you are having a very intimate wedding with family and that you wont be able to have her there. She should understand and if she dosen’t she’s selfish. Yeah it sucks. I had a coworker/friend who actually invited a few of her friends and me to her bachelorette party and wedding shower and not the actually wedding! I was a little upset by that, but then again your not suppose to invite people to those things if your not inviting them to the wedding. But she never mentioned she was not going to invite us and I never brought it up because what good would that do? Just be nice about it.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
I don’t think you need to invite her. A thank you was appropriate, but I don’t think you need to worry about adding her to the list.
Post # 15
you definitely dont need to apologize or explain anything to her. totally agree with melissabegins—it was very sweet and thoughtful of her, and you should be sure to tell her so in a lovely thank you note. you DO owe her that much, but like others said–she may not even be expecting an invite! just thank her sincerely and then dont worry about it 😉
Post # 16
How did she find our about your engagement? Just through facebook or something?