(Closed) Uh oh….which of the below is the more delicate way to ask for cash?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Which one?
    Option A: The note : (12 votes)
    11 %
    Option B: Say nothing, let word of mouth work its magic : (97 votes)
    87 %
    Option C: I'll tell you below : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    9082 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I wouldn’t include it in the invitations, but I would definitely tell people via word-of-mouth. Either directly from you, or someone in the family/going to the wedding.

    Post # 4
    13017 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Say nothing.  People who know you will know you have anything you’d need, and have your bridal party, parents, and Future In-Laws spread your desire for cash through word of mouth.  Also, don’t register for anything, because people will buy what you register for.

    Post # 5
    633 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Do you have a wedding website? That might be a classier way to convey the information. Including registry stuff is a little gauche in invitations, so this should be no different.

    Post # 6
    7711 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @Buttercupmcgee:  I trust people to say what they mean and mean what they say, so if I received the note you’re proposing, I might not bring/send a gift. You’re saying there’s nothing you could possibly use, so … why waste money? It would not occur to me that this was a trick to try to get cash instead. On the other hand, if I heard from someone that you could use cash, I’d give a card with cash. 

    Post # 7
    572 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I said something along the lines of “your presence at our wedding is our gift” and we sincerely meant it, though we had a destination wedding and they had paid for their trip there. If you do go about it that way, be prepared for people to think it. We got zero gifts out of 20+ guests. We weren’t bothered by it but if you need money or expect some, I suggest word of mouth.

    Post # 8
    9056 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I say word of mouth.  People WILL ask you what you want, and it’s perfectly fine to say you’re saving up for X.

    Post # 10
    687 posts
    Busy bee

    Agree with other PPs, word of mouth is the way to go. Don’t tell them “We’re saving up to buy a vacuum” because then you’ll get several vacuums, just say “We’re saving to put a down payment on our first house” which sounds better and is probably true.

    Post # 11
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette wise, the correct thing to do is Option # 2… get the word out via Family and the Bridal Party.

    NOTHING about Gifts or Money should ever appear with the Invitations.

    Altho it is now considered ok to have a discreet reference to a Registry if you have a Wedding Website … a one liner like…

    “The couple is registered at Macys”

    BUT no money info there either.  Particularly anything that has the word “FUND” in it (as in fundraising)… such as a Honeymoon Fund.  Big No-No.  As technically any mention of money by Etiquette Standards is considered vulgar.

    Hope this helps,

    PS… If you don’t register anywhere… people will naturally ask Questions.  If they ask family then they can tell them “Honestly they have everything they need… but a Gift Card to Home Depot would come handy for their new house”… OR “They are saving for a house”… OR for some other big item… for your house if you already have the house… “They are saving in hopes to landscape the backyard next summer… new deck, BBQ area, seating”

    Now if they ask YOU… you are supposed to say “Oh nothing really… your presence is present enough”.  Lol, altho there is nothing wrong then with someone in your posse sending out an email to the person who made the Inquiry saying… “Buttercup mentioned you asked about a gift… and I thought you’d like to know they are registerd at / are saving for”

    And so it goes.

    Honestly most folks are smart enough to figure it all out in the long run.  In the end tho no matter what you get, be sure and be grateful.  Because they did no doubt package up their gift with love for you and your Hubby, happy for your Big Day / New Life together.


    Post # 14
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    My friends are asking for cash on their invites.  They’re having a relatively small wedding so everyone knows them/their personalities so wouldn’t at all be offended by it.  I can’t remember exactly what they’re saying but it’s something along the lines of: we’ve been living together for a long time now so have everything we need.  Your presence at the wedding is gift enough to us but should you wish we’d rather you gave us some cash towards our honeymoon over a gift.

    Post # 16
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Word of mouth is your best bet.

    When it comes to including this request in the invitation: I don’t see the point of trying to beat around the bush when it comes to asking for money, either be blunt about it or don’t ask at all.

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