(Closed) uh so to have a family member marry us or not

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think that it is great of you to value your fiancé’s input.  It sounds like you have gotten the final say on a lot of things, and that you are happy to let him get the final say on this.  As long as you will be happy with the result if his uncle marries you two, than this can be a good thing.  Ultimately the final decision should reflect something that you both agree with. Your mother’s opinion is valuable, find out the reason for her concern, and try to see her perspective.  If you find that she has valid points, bring them up with your fiancé, and find for yourselves if this is still something you guys want to do.

Post # 4
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Your Fiance should definitely have a say in this, especially since it seems important to him. My older sister’s longtime boyfriend (they were together in HS, broke up, got back together and they have currently been together for 8 years!) is marrying us. We are not religious people, so it didn’t bother my family. FI’s dad is a preacher, so he was a little turned off to the idea at first.  However, my sister’s bf is pretty much my brother and Fiance knew it was important to me.

Post # 5
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

My brother will be marrying us, so I’m all for this. We’re also not religious and we wanted someone who knows us personally. Really get a feel for the uncle first, though – we asked a friend to officiate our ceremony recently, and all of the dramatic fall-out from that is on this board. He had a very different, traditional wedding style, and a personality that wasn’t going to mesh with ours – i.e., he was very full of himself, opinionated and domineering, so we fired him. It’s one thing when it’s a friend, another if you get yourself mixed up with a family member pulling that kind of stuff.

But other than that, I think it’s wonderful. Is your mom concerned it won’t be seen as ‘legitimate’ or is she concerned about the legal validity? If the latter, I can’t entirely blame her. If the uncle is ordained through the Universal Life Church or a similar organization, there are many states and counties contesting the legality of it now.

I’m lucky to live in a state and county where it’s no problem. Call your county clerk.

Post # 6
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

What does your mom object to?

Post # 8
Member
5784 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Is his uncle a pastor? At the end of the day the ceremony is for you and your Fiance so I don’t think her opinion should come into play

Post # 9
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@missmari387:  My uncle, who is a minister, is marrying us…but we asked him if he could make the ceremony non-religious.  He was totally fine with that.  So why not ask?

Post # 11
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

My brother married us, and it made our ceremony super special- but he’s not an ordained anything, so maybe your mom would have responded better to that.

In any case, it’s important to your fiance. His uncle would be doing it as his uncle– maybe just ask that you have input around the ceremony so you can be sure not to offend your mom. Best of both worlds, I think.

Post # 13
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think it is respectful for you to take your mother’s opinion into account since she is helping pay, but when it comes to the ceremony I fully believe that the decision of who marries you should be up to your fiancé and you. It is so personal, it is the most important part of the whole wedding day. I think you need to have another conversation with your mom, allay her fears, and let her know how important this is to your fiancé. 

Post # 14
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My aunt is a minister. I am an atheist, lol. She’s marrying us in a non-religious ceremony and I am so excited. I agree with @peachacid:. Just ask for it to be not overly religious. It’s yours/FI’s wedding, not mama’s.

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