(Closed) UK Bees – Anyone surprised by the wedding etiquette all over the web?

posted 6 years ago in United Kingdom
Post # 3
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

HIya

Well I’m UK based as well, I’m totally freaked out that all the etiquet books etc seem to be from the US as well. The exception to this rule (other than churh pamphlets etc) is the Dairy Book of Home Management.

This has become my etiquette bible!

In which they suggest you put a suggested gift list in with the invites (although having lived together for 7 years we did choose not too). However all of our friends did, and even my Aunt, who was marrying for the 3rd time and his a millionairess in her own right put a gift list in. In fact one of my H2B aunts phoned me up and shouted for a good ten minutes that I HADN’T put a gift list in…”How was she too know what to get?” You just have to look in Debehnams and John Lewis to see how kitted out they are for lists in invites.

Cash bars I think is an individual choice. I am having my reception at home, so we’ve done a massive booze cruise (also Sainsbury’s and Tesco’s and Morrisons have jubillee deals on champers, last night I spent 3k on Champagne in the local Tesco Extra , had to phone in advance but it was well worth it, the manager came down dressed as superman it was a wonderful experience). However my aforementioned Aunt’s wedding was 1/2 and 1/2, in a large society hotel she put a significant tab behind the bar, wine and champagne and OJ and Water free on tap. But when the bill at the bar was over, guests had to pay for themselves.

My H2B is a chef and used to arrange weddings. Most of the time it’s a free bar, but it depends on your guests, if you imagine you’re bar tab will reach epic proportions if you do this, put a bar limit. You can always extend the limit with the bar staff if you feel it’s run out too soon. The other option is what my Granfathers did at my parents wedding. My Maternal Grandfather, but a cheque behind the bar and told the staff to serve to that limit. My Paternal Grandfather, went to the staff behind the bar just before the reception, and put a cheque for 4x that amount next to it.

 

(They still over spent, but Paternal Grandfather covered it in the end)

 

Hope that helps

Post # 4
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1993

@Snoopadoop:  The manager of Tesco dressed as superman? Was this to mark you buying 3K of plonk, or just because he was already in costume?!?

Post # 5
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

American Weddings are quite different to be honest- I got married in Ireland and there are a few differences-

We dont do save the dates

We dont do bridal showers (it would be considered rude to have a party just to receive gifts)

Cash Bars are the norm (dont try to have an open bar in Ireland- you’d be in Years of debt)

Weddings in Ireland can often run into the next morning (like 7am)

Cash Gifts are acceptable-many people dont have regestries- seems like gift-grabbing again

No rehersal dinner

 

No first looks/ engagement photoshoots

Couples are usually financially independent by the time they get married- would never usually expect a parent (either side) to pay for everything/anything- and never get married while still studying-

Diamonds definitely quality over size

erm- thats all I can think of for now

 

 

Thats all I can think of for now

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@clumsylawyer:  

100% with you on the whole  ‘cash bar’ thing. I’ve never been to a wedding with an open bar, and it would strike me as extremely generous if there was one.

On the other hand it seems to be extremely bad form, to the point of being unheard of, in the UK (or maybe just in my circles) to make your bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, whereas on these boards in particular it seems pretty common. 

Funny old world, isn’t it?

Post # 10
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@bikukii:  Oh yes thats true, may B/M offered to pay for her dress (we’re having a theme and she wants a dress she can use elsewhere) and I was What no it’s my job don’t be silly (then thought Wonderful great, thats saved me quite a lot, lol).

Button: I think he was already dressed as superman, I didn’t like to ask, it might be his normal Saturday outfit, lol

Post # 11
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Also, I’d never heard of engagement photos before coming on here, and I had to Google ‘First Look’. Nor had I heard of Save The Dates before reading about them on this board.

Of course, as I’m Scottish, I can’t imgaine a wedding without kilts and a ceilidh.

Post # 12
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ah, I forgot, we also don’t traditionally have groomsmen. We do have ushers, though I’m not completely sure of the difference.

Post # 14
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@bikukii:  Oh Engagment shots I think came from UK, certainly our family has always had engagement photos. We have them running back into the Victorian times. They are very very interesting.

Save the dates have also been popular for a while, my parents had the in 1981, and they were the norm then.

Post # 15
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am getting married in a few weeks and a friend kindly gave me an etiquette book on weedings which helped a lot. 

We had a registry as all of the past weddings we had been to with the same guests/kind of guests had a registry included in the invitation.

I am not having a shower. It would be viewed as very very bad taste and I would feel completely uncomfortable asking people to “shower” me with gifts.

We are not having a pay bar. This would be hugely embarrassing for us, it would never be an option. 

I think that the wedding process here is much less “bride”/”princess” centered, or maybe that is just our wedding. I would never dream of saying “It’s my day” or anything along these lines. I know my Fiance would be very hurt if I came out with something along these lines. 

Interestingly I have a bridesmaid from the US who seems to think that I should be treating her like a slave up until the wedding?! She has been part of many weddings in the US and has even had to do a role called “Bride’s attendant”, so not a bridesmaid but someone who is supposed to follow the bride around and answer to her beck and call all day?! I was horrified when I heard about this. I would never, ever want someone in such a role. Or expect that my bridesmaids were supposed to help me with the wedding. I don’t want to impose on their already busy lives. 

 

I also think that UK weddings are becoming much more like US weddings. You tend to see much more personalisation in UK weddings than in the past which kind of makes me cringe! Like “How we met” stories etc. (Each to their own). 

We don’t send save the dates and the invitations are not styled and tend to be very traditional/standard. As in all the wedding invitations we have ever recieved had exactly the same wordings and format.

Oh lastly *MONOGRAMS* ?! This seems to be very common in the US and becoming more common here. Its not in our taste and I don’t think it would be viewed well by our guests. 

Post # 16
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Heh, maybe it’s just my mates then – we’re not massive traditionalists.

@clumsylawyer:  

You’ll love it. There’s usually a dance caller in the band to tell those who aren’t familiar with the dances what to do. In my experience, any dance that requires the male to spin the female (which tbh is most of them) ends up as a competition to see how fast they can go and who can get the most spins in in the allocated time, so you can imagine it gets pretty messy. It’s great fun, though, and a good way to meet people as an icebreaker, as many of the dances are ‘progressive’, so you switch partners, or like ‘Strip The Willow’ where you work your way up a ladder of dancers, dancing with each in turn. 

As I said – great fun!

The topic ‘UK Bees – Anyone surprised by the wedding etiquette all over the web?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors