Post # 1
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
Okay, so I’ve specified UK here as I know there’s a different etiquette when it comes to brides paying for bridesmaids.
My best friend is getting married in July, and has just had her hair and makeup trial. She lookled gorgeous, of course, and had a lovely intricate bun updo. The other bridesmaid and I told her she looked great, and she said ‘I was thinking I’d get you guys to have something similar, on the side.’ Uh oh. Neither of us feel comfortable with an updo, partly because of the style of the dress, and partly because we both have quite thin, straight hair (whereas my bride has long thick curls).
That’s awkward enough – I don’t want to tell her that neither of us likes our hair up and we’d prefer it down, because she’s been… sensitive… about the wedding recently and the dresses were a bit of a battle in the first place. There’s another problem though: we’d previously agreed that we’d pay for our own hair – on the basis that we’d be able to choose roughly how we had it. Now that she’s decided she wants to choose our hairstyle, am I a bitch for thinking she should pay for the hair? She’s already paying for the dress and shoes, so I feel like it’s harsh of me to ask she pay for the hair too, but equally she earns a LOT more than the pair of us.
Should I just shut up and pay up?
Post # 2
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
My mother has been doing Bridal party hair for years. Sometimes the bride pays, but most of the time the bridesmaids have to pay on their own. I say if you are paying, give the bride some options of styles you like and come to a compromise.
Post # 3
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
I paid, but I only had my sister as bridesmaid so I left it up to her how she had it done. If you’re paying though, I think you should get a say.
Post # 4
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
If she wants it a certain way she pays (uk bride) im paying for my maids hair but not makeup.
Post # 5
Member
13 posts
Newbee
In my social circle I would expect the bride to pay for the majority of things for the bridesmaids… I am paying for hair and makeup for all of mine although I haven’t decided if I want them all to have the same of not yet and I wouldn’t make them have something they are not comfortable with.
If you are paying though I definitely think you should have a say in how you want it!! It might be quite similar to US etiquette here where the general consensus seems to be if the bride wants a specific style then she should pay.
Could you suggest a compromise of half up half down maybe if she insists?
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This reply was modified 5 years ago by bubbob.
Post # 6
Member
6238 posts
Bee Keeper
If she wants it a certain way she pays, including adding hair peices to give it the look she wants.
Post # 7
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
Totally agree with previous posters.
i have told my bridal party that I have a makeup artist coming and if they want to use her it will be a certain amount.
They can have whatever hair they want, and they are under no obligation from me to have certain hair or makeup. I have gifits planned to give them.
If I wanted them to all have a particular style, I would also expect to pay for them to get that.
Post # 8
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
If she wants your hair done professionally, she pays. If not, you pay or do it yourself. If you want your hair done professionally, you pay.
Post # 9
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
It depends on the bride really, I’ve seen it both ways. I paid for my bridesmaids hair and makeup and let them choose what style they all wanted as they all have very different hair types. Ive seen other bridesmaids being made to pay for their own hair or being given the choice of doing it themselves. I don’t think it’s fair to make people pay them force them to have a particular style though!
Post # 10
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
thatweddinggirl: usually brides pay for their bridesmaids hair and makeup. My best friend had us pick a loose theme (plait) to incorporate and then we chose how we wanted it. This worked so much better – my hair is fine and wavy and would have looked awful in some of the other maid’s styles. We all still looked ‘together’. Maybe suggest some half up do options and see what she thinks?
Post # 11
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
EnglishRose1986: I agree it really depends. As a bridesmaid I did not have a say in style of my hair and I had to pay to use the stylist she wanted LOL :). I type this now and think wow I was a lovely friend. For my wedding, letting the ladies choose whatever hair they want (up or down) and they can sort out themselves.
Post # 12
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: South Lodge. 2nd of Dec 2017
I want my bridesmaids to have their hair up, as I am having mine down, my maid of honour has thin hair so I brought some cheap extensions off eBay and we will be using those in the middle, with her own hair scooped round the edge, hope that makes sense. It is my choice and my wedding I don’t expect my bridesmaids to pay for anything. but if I did I would expect them to do so graciously, we are friends after all. Sit down have a chat with the bride, express your concerns saying you think a up do will look awful and you would hate your hair to ruin her day. That would swing me into doing everything to make us both happy. Most importantly remember it’s her wedding, bend over backwards to make her happy.
Post # 13
Member
1159 posts
Bumble bee
I’m UK. I paid for all my bridesmaids hair, but not for makeup because me and my Maid/Matron of Honor both wanted to do our own and the other 3 were children so didn’t have makeup.I also would expect to pay for dresses and shoes but my Mother-In-Law made the children’s dresses as a her gift so paid for the fabric and their mum’s bought their shoes (I let them wear whatever shoes they liked)
Post # 14
Member
10 posts
Newbee
If she wants a certain style she should pay.
Normally I’d say she should pay no matter what but you’ve already agreed to pay if you are allowed to choice the style. I’d sell it to her as “why don’t we have our hair down so that yours look extra special” or some such thing. Turn it into a postive for her rather than a negative reason.