(Closed) UK vs. US HELP!

posted 5 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
  • poll:


    USA! USA! USA!

    You're screwed.

  • Post # 2
    9519 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I did not have much of a culture shock living in London. Their crisps and chocolate are better tha ours, big selling point. 

    What about job prospects? It really is not just about where you want to live but where you can live. The British have an easier time with being able to obtain a work visa in American than an American doing the same in England. Also their pound is much stronger than the dollar. Look at the logistics.

    Post # 3
    6237 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Regardless of boyfriend/relationship situation it’s a great life addition to live abroad for a while I think. 

    Where does he live in the uk?

    if it doesn’t hinder your career much (may even help it), why not come to the uk for a year anyway – you don’t have to live with your boyfriend. Even if you lived in opposite parts of the U.K. You could still get to each other pretty easily as its small. 

    Come on over – just look at the bigger picture and make the most of your time here, not just based on your boyfriend. 

    id say the same to a Brit bee with a us boyfriend too. 

    Post # 4
    3313 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    View original reply
    moonfroof :  I have been to the USA twice and while I love the sun, the loudness, the massive scale of the place ………………. I love UK. Its a smaller, quieter, more reserved place. 

    However you most likely love the place you live. So I think you need to both maybe spend a year or two in each place then pick. Or move together somewhere that’s equally between both your families. X

    Post # 5
    1117 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I grew up in New Orleans in a very close, tight-knit family, and have moved to England to be with my English husband.We had met online and did the LDR thing for several years before I moved in with him. When we made the decision to move from Atlanta (where he had been living for three years, and where I had been living with him for 1.5) I was given an escape clause. If I hated it, we would move back. He still maintains that if I hate it, we can move. I don’t hate it.

    To touch on a few things:

    – The NHS is 99% fantastic. I had only one issue with them and it was over a preferred choice of medication that I was on and once I explained that it was the only one I’d tried that didn’t make me vomit, they were happy to prescribe my preference. And since I am here on a visa, I was covered from my first day in the country. I’ve never had a problem with getting to see a doctor for something serious, and even for non-serious problems my wait time between scheduling an appointment and seeing someone for it has never been very long. Triage is more of a thing here than it is in the US, so if you’re a hypochondriac who sees a doctor for every ache and pain, you’ll be waiting a week. But if you’re like me and crossing a street one day and have your gastrocenemius medial tear and call the emergency helpline that essentially tells you whether you should go to the ER or schedule a regular appointment with your GP, you’ll get told to go to the ER and they’ll be calling ahead to get you seen sooner. We were in and out in under two hours and my physiotherapy was free. Pain killers cost me £8.50.

    – Dental visits are a hell of a lot cheaper here than in the US. Sure, you pay extra for non-NHS stuff (like white fillings anywhere but on the front 4 teeth) and you pay a small charge for things like crowns and fillings and bridges. But it’s still cheaper than the US by a landslide. Here’s a handy link to the breakdown. http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/1781.aspx?CategoryID=74

    – I miss my family to a degree I didn’t realize was possible. Weekly Skype sessions with mom helps but Mr Trilly and I pretty much plan on one trip home to NOLA per year. Though next spring we’re hoping to surprise my mom and dad and fly them to us instead of us going home to them. You plan for these things. Sign up for frequent flier programs.

    – There wasn’t much culture shock for me. It’s taken a while but I’ve begun to use some of the vernacular. It might depend on where you live, but we moved to a smaller university city in the midlands so everyone has been really welcoming and friendly. I say if the opportunity arrises, go for it. It’s a lovely place to live and the people are mostly amazing. (Just make sure you get Amazon Prime because there are certain seasonings you will NOT be able to find in your local Tesco).

    Post # 6
    240 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    What part of England did you go to? 

    Post # 7
    38 posts

    View original reply
    moonfroof :  Are you eligible to move there for an extended period of time? Have you looked into what visa you would need to apply for and how long it is valid for? These are two of the biggest questions that you need to consider before you can consider a move abroad. Especially if you are not planning on getting married anytime soon.

    From my perspective, this is YOUR life, and if you see yourself in the UK then you should pursue it. Other questions I asked myself before moving abroad for love were:

    • Would he be willing to do the same for me?
    • Where do I want to be long-term, and where does he want to be long-term? Is that the same place? If not, is one of us willing to compromise on such an important element of our lives?
    • What are the job prospects for me like in his country? Can I make a living there?
    • What are your long-term plans for your relationship?

    Ultimately, it was important to establish that we were both equally committed to the relationship, and equally willing to move for the other. We ended up living in his country because it was the easiest way to be together because I could get permission to work there while he could not get permission to work in my country unless we got married right away, which we were not ready to do.

    Moving for a partner puts strains on the relationship that you cannot even predict. Resentment can build up. Your parents’ resentment can feel like a constant pressure that you’re not even aware of – so beware of it and don’t let it affect your relationship with your partner. From first-hand experience when considering the move I definitely didn’t think it would be easy, but I also didn’t think it would be so damn hard. I ended up having all this resentment bubble up because I realized that I left MY family, MY job, MY friends, MY apartment, MY safety net, MY life as I knew it, and nothing changed for him except that he gained a live-in girlfriend. We had a LOT of tears and arguments over this. But we’re still very much in love and have realized that getting through all of this made us stronger as a couple. The resentment, however, could have been avoided if I went into it knowing exactly what I would end up resenting him for so I could process that as it came up instead of letting it bottle up and eventually explode.

    If you leave YOUR parents, YOUR job, YOUR friends, YOUR apartment, YOUR life as you know it, and nothing changes for him except that he gains a live-in girlfriend, you will most likely struggle with some of what I dealt with. The stakes will be MUCH higher for you than they will be for him. Now, I’m sure it’s all worth it because you really love him. Just ask if he would be willing to do all the same for you. And once you move, take the first few months to make efforts to go out and make your own friends, find a gym, and make your own life in the UK – a life that you really love – so he doesn’t end up being the only thing about the UK that you love or that is keeping you there.

    If he is the only reason you’re there, it will put a ton of strain on him. And you can totally get through it, like we did, but in retrospect there were so many bumps along the way that could have been avoided.

    Good luck and keep us posted!!!

    Post # 8
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I was in a LDR, not overseas, but cross country. We chose the place that had the best opportunities for jobs for us both. That happened to be where I lived. I did live overseas for a while, my family survived, skype and social media help. Even my elderly father could do Skype.

    It isn’t life and death, if you move and you get the clarity you need, you can move back. Don’t let fear or what if…get in the way of life.

    Post # 9
    899 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I have no advise and what people have already said has been great so I’ll just add, when your here for a visit or longer don’t call it soccer! Football fans will never forgive you 😉

    Post # 11
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I think that regardless of where you end up it’s good that you had 3 months in the UK and he’s now having an extended period of time in the US, so that you will be able to understand one another’s backgrounds better than just holiday visits.

    All the best for the future!

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