Post # 1
I said I would NEVER issue an ultimatum, and now that I have made a silent one (meaning it is one I have made to myself and will not share as to give undo influence or pressure), I just want to say I’m sorry for ever doubting it’s efficiency.
Now when I say Ultimatum = Power, I mean that making an ultimatum puts the “power” of your own life back into your hands. There is nothing more frustrating [to me] than feeling helpless over my own life. Waiting for a proposal has done this, made me feel helpless.
So, after many wonderful, open talks with my SO over the last month and celebrating our 7 year anniversary, I have made a silent ultimatum. I do not intend to share this ultimatum with my SO until one year’s time. And I have vowed to keep my mouth shut about wedding/marriage/engagement/children, until he either brings it up himself, proposes, or doesn’t propose, in one year’s time.
I know what I want, I know what I expect of my partner in life, and if he is not up to the task, then I will walk. This doesn’t mean I love him any less, but unfortunately love isn’t just enough. Love ebbs and flows in a relationship and sometimes it takes work. I need to know that that work will be put in by someone who wants it to work as much as I do. I have no doubt that SO and I can make it through anything and that we will have a lasting marriage as long as both people continue to put our relationship as a priority.
Deep breath! Positive energy 🙂
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
You can do it! stay true to your guns and try not to let this deadline rule your life until it passes. Just be happy. if you focus your energy into being happy and enjoying life the way it is then good things will come to you.
Best of luck and Stay strong
Post # 4
@Sapphire-Dreamer: Thank you! I’m not going to let it rule my life, but it does set some goals, and it allows me to really find out if SO and I are on the same page for our lives. 🙂
Post # 6
I have made the EXACT same one for myself as we are celebrating our seven year anniversary here in a week and a half. It’s freaky how I was reading your post as it could of been written by myself!
I have vowed to just life my life for the next year – If nothing happens by our 8 year anniversary, I am going to sit down with him and have a very very serious talk. It’s not that I don’t love him or trust in our relationship. But like you, after 8 years he should know – esp. since he more than financially stable and could afford a ring about 20 times over. We’ve had talks over the years about out future and my needs and his needs so besides my bad waiting days, I am hopeful that it’ll happen this year.
Hang on my friend!
Post # 7
@sleepingbeauty88: Awesome! All the power to you! 🙂
Post # 8
@lilymarie23: are you sure we’re not the same person? my SO is also financially stable and has literally 10x’s the amount in his bank account of the price of the ring that I want. I understand bee’s who are in similar situations, but money is tight. but that is not the case here. we both have steady jobs, we both have obviously proven to each other that we are in it for the long haul, and yet here we sit in this stalemate. it’s beyond frustrating!
I hope this will help! good luck to both of us 🙂
Post # 9
I feel you hunny, definately do. That’s why I also set a mental timeline of 1 year after our anniversary. I feel after so long with our men being financially stable, 8 years is plenty of time to be sure of something. Some women are willing to wait longer – Not me. 8 years is a very very very long time IMO. My SO and I share a house we bought, we travel – why can’t he commit to me in that way? The frusturating thing is, I hear from EVERYONE about how much he talks about me to others, about how in love he is with me and how much he loves me and that I’m the only girl for him. So it’s not that he’s NOT sure about us. It’s the whole “marriage” thing. He had a crappy upbringing and his family puts the DYS in dysfunctional. So I’ve waited patiently because I understand he has issues with the typical family model & what not. But we’ve worked through things together, we have a stable home life – I’m hoping he comes around. He told me to be patient almost a year ago, and he also told me he knows I am not going to wait around forever, so here’s hoping this year is the year!!! 🙂
Post # 10
@sleepingbeauty88: I think you put into words how a lot of us here feel- powerless about our own lives. I think you have inspired me to have a silent deadline as well!! I miss feeling in control of my future.
Post # 11
I try and say this to my female clients who come in to see me complaining their SO wont propose….
In the end, you don’t really want to be with someone you have to FORCE or convince, or black mail into proposing to you, which realistically is what is happening when an ultimatum is given to a guy.
I think silent and personal deadlines are a great way for you to empower yourself.
I hope every “waiting” bee reads this, and can follow in your footsteps. Too many young girls are just sitting by “waiting” to be proposed to….. Become an active participant in your life… You’ve lived this long without being engaged… it really isn’t the be all and end all.
Anyways! KUDOS to you!
Hopefully you inspire many of the lovely bees on here!
Post # 12
way to go girl! i have a LOT of time left until my personal ultimatum deadline, but i can tell that knowing your power makes you enjoy every waiting day more. stand your ground and you’ll be fine.