(Closed) Ultimatums

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
14404 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sure.  If you are really willing to live up to it and walk, or be able to live with the fact that maybe you forced him to something he wasnt ready for.  It could work out or blow up in your face.

Post # 4
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@MarieChristine:My best friend did it.  For me it’s not an option but it worked in her case. If you put an ultimatum out there you have to be willing to walk away if it doesn’t turn out the way you expected. Meaning he doesn’t propose. I’d also be afraid that he’d blame all the “bad” things on you when you’re fighting because he was “forced” into it. But to each his own 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was married to my 1st husband at 19 ( I thought this was the only was to distance myself from my mom and step-father who creeped me out) and I don’t know if this was an ultimatum but I told him after 3 years of dating “I want to be married, if you don’t want to then maybe we’re not wanting the same things”. We were married 3 months later and divorced 17 years after that. I believe he said yes when he wasn’t ready, he just didn’t want to lose me.

Post # 7
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

nope. I do not believe in ultimatums AT ALL.

I think there is a strong possibility of resentment when ultimatums are posed.

Post # 8
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Nope.  Because I’d always wonder if I pushed him in to it.  I just don’t think its something you can or should force.

Post # 9
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

mandypop I agree, they can never be forced. It definately made a difference when BOTH me and my new husband agreed that it’s time we set a date and get married. It felt like both of us wanted this and “this” feels awesome!!!!!

Post # 10
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Not for me. I told my Fiance that I would be happy to be his girlfriend for the rest of our lives and I really do stand by that. I love what marriage is and what it means, but I want things to happen for us as they come, not because I pushed them onto us.

Otherwise, to each their own. Some guys might need the extra pressure.

Post # 11
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I gave my Hubs an ultimatum. my sister did it too (married 12 years). As did my cousin (married 10 years).  But it wasn’t a  “marry me or else.” It was a “i’m ready for marriage, i want family and kids. I would like it to be with you. If you’re not there with me – that’s fine – but then i’m moving on. Let me know by such and such date.” And as much as it would have heard, i was prepared to walk away….(although hubs maintains that i wouldnt have lol)

Post # 12
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’ve only made ultimatums to myself before inside my head.  For example, “If I’m not happy with ______ by ______this date_____, I’m going to ________.  I did that with a past relationship in that if I wasn’t feeling happier by October 31st (like, 2005 haha), then I would leave.  I left on the 18th, btw. 😉

As for giving them to another person….I don’t really think that’s the way to go.  You can’t force people to do what you want, and even if you can, you know you forced them….you know?

Post # 13
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

They are not for me at all.  But if I was with someone for years upon years with no signs of progress…who knows, I might change my tune.  I have no problem at all with any ladies who give them to their men…but,as others have said, be prepared to walk away if things don’t go the way you expect.

Post # 14
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sorry, but I vote no. I think love is cheapened when you say “marry me or I’ll move on”. Umm…. aren’t you supposed to be soul mates? So you’d settle for a lesser love just because you want to get married? It’s totally bizarre to me, but then again, I have never wanted children so I’m not up against a clock so to speak. 

That being said, even if I did want children, I would want to have them with the right person, so I would be more inclined to wait.

There’s nothing wrong with expressing your wants and desires, but ultimatums just seem wrong to me…

Post # 15
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Margaritachka: I am in a similar situation right now… I’m going to bring it up next week and the following week.. I’m just nervous about the outcome. I don’t think it’s an ultimatum. It’s more, here I am, I am willing to follow you to the ends of the earth, but I need a commitment if I’m going to make those sacrifices. I don’t mean to force my SO, just wake him up, get him to see what he has, and realize that both parties have to give 100% 🙂

Post # 16
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

@love108:I wish you the best of luck, but i would not recommend that. i know people who have had to walk away in dissapointment, with neither a loving boyfriend, nor a healthy self-esteem  and that´s not all….if you do get your way, and you get your proposal, be prepared to experience it in a very different way than what you thought it would feel like… because it´s never the same when you get something after you demand it….as opposed to waiting for HIM to really really ask of you, to become his.

I´d never judge anyone anyways, for i´m also a waiting bee and it´s just hell to stand here waiting!! He knows i´m ready….and he knows i´m waiting…..but he´s also working hard on this….if anyone in the whole world knows, that´s me….

he´s trying to make me happy, he just needs some space….and a little more time to finish paying for the ring =)

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